Husband way too close to his sister!

sruthi · 07-22-2009, 04:48 PM

Alright! I'm not trying to derail the relationship b/w bro and sis!
But I have a concern and I need your views abt it..
So, this is the situation...my SIL is pregnant for the 2nd time. she tries to show her tummy to my hubby and he puts his hands arnd her abdomen to feel the baby kicks...I know its comon to touch the tummy when pregnant ..but i kinda think tht gender plays a role in this and also it is purely personal to the couple!

I feel like he ruined the first "feel" when he tries to feel my tummy when I'm pregnant. Like to see how it feels like to do it for the first time...To me frank.y, I do not have any first time feelings left anymore. He puts his nephew to sleep, tells bedtime stories, feeds him etc and is v close to his sis..he can talk to her for hrs and easily feel bored when i talk..he used to kiss her a lot before..now he does it occasionally only...

I know being a gal i have done tht to my nephews but i feel like guys do such things only if it was their own kids..atleast from my experience. SO such things bother me and the worse part is i cant even tell him

Pls tell me if im over reacting or it is normal and how I shud tackle this..I want to be a good wife but such things get to me...

GPR · 07-22-2009, 04:51 PM

Your WAY over-reacting

GPR · 07-22-2009, 04:54 PM

OK, I guess I can explain.

I felt a lot of pregnant tummy's before my wife's. Sisters, friends, co-workers, etc. It happens, it's not big of a deal.

I also put kids to bed, read them stories, etc .etc. etc. before my kids. No big deal.

It's all different when it's yours. The feeling is different, the emotions are different, no matter how much you've done for other kids.

IMO, you should be worrying a lot less about this stuff and be EXTREMELY HAPPY that you have a husband that likes kids, can take care of them, and looks like he will be a good Dad.

Dark Angel · 07-22-2009, 05:03 PM

100%

I can understand why you feel this way. You want to share all these experinces for the first time together. You figure that with him being exposed to this now it will take away from your first experiences with your own children as a couple.

Absolutely wrong.

It will be a first time. It will be the first time he feels his child kicking. Nothing can take away from that. It will all be firsts over again as there is alot more personal involvement for both of you.

You should be pleased with him. Hes showing you he will make a good father to your children. It appears hes likely a patient man as well. That in itself is extremely important.

As for him not talking to you enough (getting bored). That's something both of you have to work on. Figure out why this is happening and what behavior both of you have is causing it.

sruthi · 07-22-2009, 05:08 PM

Thanks for your replies...I get it...when it comes from someone experienced...I think I just felt jealous then! I feel like he should be just mine...anyway..I feel relieved now...

java · 07-22-2009, 10:21 PM

sruthi...are you jealous of the affection he gives her? You say he should be just yours....I know that feeling...I have it all the time with my dh...

I kinda detected that you might feel like he is too affectionate with his sister...like you think there might be something going on?? Maybe I am way off base....

Everything is different when it's your child...you will see...

Sandy55 · 07-22-2009, 10:29 PM

Agree totally with Dark Angel.

And I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you may want to watch your "possessiveness" and jealousy. You may need to work on this aspect of yourself or you are going to strangle him with "closeness". You are coming across as if you are too needy and jealous.

If he loves his sister, you need to love that aspect of him, it means he can attach and love a woman.

sruthi · 07-24-2009, 08:03 AM

Ok guys! I understand...but its not abt closeness or jealous...its something diffeerent. its jus odd for a guy sibling to do tht...i think its cultural..in my culture its rare to see such things happening and im conditioned by it...may be its different with u guys...
its alright...i think my H wont understand it either if i said so...we did not marry in different cultures but have all cultural problems ironically! it was arranged marriage,
!

GPR · 07-24-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sruthi

Ok guys! I understand...but its not abt closeness or jealous...its something diffeerent. its jus odd for a guy sibling to do tht...i think its cultural..in my culture its rare to see such things happening and im conditioned by it...may be its different with u guys...
its alright...i think my H wont understand it either if i said so...we did not marry in different cultures but have all cultural problems ironically! it was arranged marriage,
!

What are the different cultures you are talking about???

I am a regular American I guess. It was nothing for me to rub my sisters belly when she was pregnant. We talk about a lot of things. We are pretty good friends. We probably would have been even closer friends if we were closer to each in age when growing up.

swedish · 07-24-2009, 04:11 PM

I think it's a great sign....if he is this gentle and loving with his sister and her kids, he will likely be the same as a dad down the road.