The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
about a year ago my sister and her boyfriend (who she'd only known two months) decided to quit their jobs and come out my way. she was tired of living in her state and wanted to try something new. mind you, she quit her job after she bought a new car and had absolutely no savings. she barely had enough gas money to get here.
so we let them stay here for three months. i have a one bedroom, 600 sq. ft. apartment with a dog and cat. we paid to take them places, paid for their food on occasion, drove them up to the state they want to go to, and i gave her my phone for three months. on top of this, i dont work. my h works and pays for everything. this was a huge burden for him. we also loaned them a lot of money so they could get started in the new state.
and throughout all this i find out she was talking badly about my H and I behind our backs. she was calling us greedy, mean, hurtful people. and she did a few other devious things.
and why is she angry??? because they had to go hungry and because i told her she had to leave after the third month. i told her when she moved in that my H would not be paying for their food. of course we did pay initially, but then i told her she'd have to get food stamps or something.
she made so many stupid choices. she lost her phone, her car, and did go hungry. we loaned them our car, my phone, our place, money, and other things. she has done so many things that are just so stupid, and yet she's angry at me, and my H because she had to go hungry at times.
and, to top it off, now she's pregnant. dumb. she can barely feed herself. her boyfriend doesnt work.
anyway, im so frustrated by it all. i wanted to be able to be there for her because she's having her baby, but after all of this, i just dont know if that's possible. she's so rude and immature every time i dont do something she thinks i should, and i know after she has her baby its just going to get worse.
ive never been the type to just cut ties, but it feels like i need to. its just so sad.
Well she is angry, she is angry at life, but she deflects it onto you and your husband, because frankly she is jealous that you have "stuff" which may be not much, but more then her.
You have two choices, to let what she says bother you, or simply brush it off because you know you did the right thing.
They are adults, they made their choices. When I was in college I took two years to drive across country from NJ to CA, We stoppped in CA for 8 months before heading back. In that time period I got TWO jobs working 16 Hours a day, I often worked 7 days a week, not great jobs, but it paid my bills and I was able to save money to head home and to finish up my last two years of college. It was a great experience, But I knew I had to do something and I did it.
Your sister and her "boyfriend" need a swift kick in the ask, and you gave it to them. You and your husband were fantastic for allowing them to live with you for 3 months, that is beyond the call of duty. That is more then gracious.
let them stew and be mad, they will come to realize one day when they grow up, you did more then enough for them.
You have nothing to feel bad about, you both are awesome.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink, if it wants to starve itself, then so be it.
let them figure it out on their own. You did more then enough and don't let their childish words bother you or your husband. Take the high road, always take the high road in situations such as this.
thanks ga. that is what im doing- just trying to brush it off. it just makes me so angry sometimes that i even helped them. but, i knew it would come to this and i still helped them so i guess i asked for it. all my other siblings told me to never let them live with us. but i did anyway.
ya, i did let her have it. i let her have it in an email, too. she was blaming me for going hungry and i told her she did a stupid an irresponsible thing and she continually makes choices that make her life difficult. you can imagine that didnt go over well, especially since she's older then me. i was so upset about it last night that i had a hard time sleeping.
but, ya, i just gotta let go of it. i guess it'll just take some time.
ya, she is stupid and blind. its so hard for me to let go of though. i am a very vengeful person. i cant stand for someone to wrong me and for them to think they are just going to walk away with no repercussions.
ya, she is stupid and blind. its so hard for me to let go of though. i am a very vengeful person. i cant stand for someone to wrong me and for them to think they are just going to walk away with no repercussions.
yeah but sometimes it best to let it go and just learn your lesson without taking revenge.
I know its hard but sometimes it's the best thing to do. In the future, no being so nice to her or helping her out....
Issues with my sister 
with Preso, don't feel bad you went beyond the call of duty, she is to blind and stupid to see it
