The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
Actually, I'm very easy to get along with. I went from seeing my other kids 3 -4 times a week to seeing them ONCE a week for about 4 hours. I did it because my wife wanted me to "concentrate on my new family." I went along, hoping it would be a temporary thing, but she drives me crazy while I have them, doing things like calling me 3 MINUTES after the time I'm supposed to drop them off, and if I haven't, she says things like "what - they're getting bonus time today??"
Anyway, I filed for divorce and now she's keeping me from seeing our daughter. She's the one who's "difficult to get along with."
ur easy????? funny i see the kids of my husband every 2 months or even longer and in 1-2 years we move out the country cause the ex family are lunatics,if somebody wants to be good father he has to stay single,u cant put on single women ur past on their shoulders cause they deserve more than runing behind exes kids who from their stupidity broke the marerige,even in bibble sais husband and wife become one and leave their parents,it dosent say worship kids even more from a previous marrige,my husband worn that b...tc if u divorce u gona cause mess and that she will put him in huge trouble,cause he cant put 3 kids on an other woman if he wants to fix his life again,but she didnt listen!!she removed 99%the rights him to be a father and take the load her self.those women are brainless!!cause if they were puting marrigge first and then kids,kids would be happy and not from a broken home!so i am not planning break my marrige for a lunatic ex she is 100%responsible of the mess and her kids not me.i would never put my kids into a situation like that!!cause i know quncequances are awuful!
and ur crazy!u ended up broke a second family and one more kid with part time father!at least one kid could have been in healthy family and now all is broken!great parents!!!!man!
but remember when ur kids grow u will be alone and they will have their family.
p.s wow yes and at least if ever my husband treat me bad or cheat,or what ever happens at least i will not feel the sucker of the case!being baby sitter of a b***es kids, so i am not saying he stop have some contact ,but no more contact ,just like if they were his nephews or so and just i stay out of it.
I can truly and really feel for you....and I don't know if that's comforting as it was for me reading your feelings...I'm living something alike. My husband has 3 daughters and even though they are grown up they are so dependent of him and calling everyday and he's such a doting parent....and I feel excluded, isolated and plain jelous of having my man adoring other women even if they are his daughters....besides all the attentions and sweetness and energy they robbed me from him, is the amount of money they squeeze from him too....vacations, gifts, etc.....i feel left out and behind in all of that, and he has such a hard time understanding it...I'm suffering so so so much since we get into horrible arguments over this and I'm very explosive and actually say hurting things that later I regret and it just causes even more pain...
I don't know if is just that saying that misery loves company, the fact is knowing there is someone else out there feelings as I do helps me donot feel I'm just going crazy....hope it helps you too
gosh! i am same,sam feelings, although ur situation is worse,cause my hubby keep distance from them,i asked him why and he sais i cant bond with them cause she might take them away,or he feels bad if he bonds and they have to leave again so he keeps distance...and when the ex cheated he freaked out so he dont give so much child support.in a way i saw him not being into it so much so i decided to involve with him an i may survive the storm,but still is hurtfull like hell!i cant beleive i will be connected to that lunatic family all my life!i never knew them i never did and i will never want to know them!i never did something wrong in my life and i have to pay really a lot emotionaly now!i feel a costant threat,and i get explosive as u say...to the point having black outs often!i never cried so often whole my life!i see their pics and i get so sadd an other woman keeps a part of my husband and has control i hate it so much!other people have right on my beloved husband!i never dreamed and i suppose no woman dreams have husband share him,with kids of ex wife,what we tought from life and see around usually is hubby and wife and nobody else thats the ideal cause i come from greece and here is rare see that situation family is more traditional, but my hubb is dutch and there is more mess!
when too much people get into the picture is sofocating and hurtful!its the most akward situation,i think single women with no kids never have to marry a guy with kids...or those men have to stay single and raise those ex kids from broken family, if they dont want trouble with the new wife,its way less complicated.its not ment to be divorce!its not a natural situation and cause huge trouble,i think few women are open minded to have step kid.
i came to the point jealouse of all other couples they are married together with own kids and nobody else....no exes no kids from exes nothing to bother i get so sad.... my sis in law has a nice hubby and one kid and i get so envy of it,i am raised in a normal family with two parents i never saw anycouple in my situation for 29 years of my life so i cant get it!
when i have to see my hub kids i freak out so much see 3 things run!from an other woman i get a freaking akward feeling!i start shake all over and i cry for at least 3 days after every time i see them ,and gets worse n worse first i could stand it now that i am married,its more hurtful!all my friends and parents were against it cause they think i deserve better than this,i was geting hurt by them also cause my hubby is so nice person,,I GUESS they said it cause i was single and i dont deserve being into the **** of other people.and that i deserve a new life from zero!to make kids of my own and put them in better situation not in a mess fanancialy n emotionaly...,i never harmed any body and i never reacted so freaked out ever in my life i never harmed a fly,so i dunno i guess it come from guts insticts???i cant give explaination WHAT I CAN SAY I HATE DIVORCE I WISH IT DIDNT EXIST
i was geting hurt by them also cause my hubby is so nice person,
Hi, well when i was younger my Uncle Tom had the same problem, my 'Aunt Laura' as he always wanted me to call her, was the second wife, Uncle Tom had two kids with my Aunt Rose, but they split up due to various problems, him and Laura had a kid together who's my step-cousin, or Milly, which is easier, Milly was friends with my cousins, and they had no problem with each other, but the ***** Laura hated them, she didn't abuse them or anything, she just said no to everything like 'Please can we have something to eat Laura?' she'd say 'Your already fat enough, you don't need any more snacks' which caused them to have serious self consciousness (is that a word?) Uncle Tom didn't know she said those things, but i know she did because she said something to me once and i did NOT brush past it, i tore her a new one
But yes, he was depressed and was on the verge of leaving and moving to Scotland, way away from us, he dealt with that for over 15 years, and though i hated Laura she sadly died, but at that point his kids were grown up, and he regrets every moment he neglected them and ignored the problems she caused, i say talk to her and tell her your a package deal, love me, love my kids, couldn't give one about my kids, couldn't give on about me, it's her choice, if she loves you for you, she needs to accept that you have kids and you need to see them, don't let their childhood slip through your fingers, it goes so quick.
Eloise x x
If I was you i'd tell my wife to kiss my a**, children always come first no matter what the circumstances are...
i am glad my husband is not like you,cause if it was most propably i would tell he has to kiss my a** and get the hell out of my life,cause i dont need to be second any ways
BUT no wonder why second marrige failure with kids is up to 70%
if every person would put his partner above his kids no divorce would be in the first place and we would not need to struggle with second marriges which is plain unatural to any party involved.
its plain rediculus call that guy good father he gets a second divorce and a second family riped of again,ARE THOSE GOOD PARENTS???WHO CARE?IF THEY DID CARE THEY WOULD NOT DIVORCE in the first place.
and ya is so easy to point the finger in the person who comes after in ur mess and u have the nerve to tell theiy are bad or wicked if they object,or feel unconfortable, if it was that simple,for them it would have been for u aswel to cut the ties with the kids, but.... u call is ''nature'' blood connection well it is nature aswel for the second wife to not like what is not her blood.and u can not force it as she can not force u to change
but bottom line SUCKERS DONT DIVORCE when u have kids.
life would be much easier for all. it is the most ubnormal situation i have ever expirienced if i had to choose again...
ITS NOT LIKE THEY SAY U KNEW IT BEFORE
IS NOT LIKE THAT,IF U TELL ME NOW I CAN CHOOSE AGAIN AND A GUY WITH KIDS COMES I WILL kick his sh**t and tell him get the hell out of here.i keep my marrige cause i promised and i dont want to hurt my husband but i feel i just sacrifised my life for trouble and not joy,and for whomm???for that ex ***** and kids i dont even know and i didnt do even anything wrong.
and yes i am like his wife i never been bad to nobody actually i was always the victim i am known for my good heart,but in that case i just become like hyaina ,it is funny i like his nephew but when i see the exes kids i dont want them i freak out comletely
they will never be part of our lifes they belong to that ex and i will fight against till i die.we will see which nature will prevail and something tells me my nature wins.we will move away the country and already there is no contact and the ex boils like crazy
well good for her ,
and for those who gona call me ***** good for them dont get a divorce so ur kids will never have that trouble plain and simple.
i married to have my family and not benefit that womans kids,she didnt want my husband so be it bye byee
now is my turn so i advice the parents to not divorce to protect their kids from *****es like us.
Ten years ago I had a baby girl with a woman I'd been dating for only two months (when she became pregnant). We couldn't get along, and frankly, I wasn't in love with her, so we never got married. A few year later, we had a booty call and she got pregnant again with my son (!). I tried to do the right thing and stay with her, but there was just no happiness there, and we were always bickering, so we split up. But I still picked my kids up every day from school and kept them all afternoon while she worked.
Just over three years ago, I met "Dolly." I really fell for her, but we occasionally bickered about how much time I was spending with my kids. I decided that it was in everyone's best interest for me to cut back a little on the amount of time I was spending with them, so I went to 3 afternoons a week.
Then, Dolly got pregnant. I decided to propose to her because even though we were fighting sometimes, I still loved her and thought it would be great to have a baby with someone I loved for a change. Over the past two years, her intolerance of my other kids has blossomed into pure contempt. Here's an example: My daughter calls to ask if I can take them for ice cream. My wife says "if you do it, they'll be calling you every day asking for it." One evening, my daughter asked me if I could bring her and my son some McDonalds because their mom was working and there was nothing to eat in the house. My wife (who was at work at the time) said "what are you -- a delivery man now?"
I've gone from seeing my kids 3 - 5 days a week to seeing them one day a week for about 3 -4 hours, and EVERY time they ask to see more of me, the answer from my wife is always "no."
Now, I know what you're thinking: Why does he ask her for permission? Why doesn't he just pick them up?
The problem is, I've been trying to walk a fine line between keeping them happy and avoiding a big fight with my wife. And trust me -- EVERY time I do anything extra with my kids, Dolly and I have a fight, with her saying things to me like:
"You want two families."
"You're always putting your kids and that ***** above me and your daughter."
It's been so bad, that my mother won't ask me about my other kids in front of my wife for fear that it will start a fight between us. Dolly always refers to my ex as "the ****," or "the *****," because she feels that my ex was trying to trap me into marrying her by getting pregnant twice (I never did).
I'm tired of seeing the look on my kids' faces when I tell them they can't go someplace with us. I'm tired of saying "no" when they ask me for ice cream. I've actually snuck over and picked them up for a few hours when my wife goes to work.
Believe me when I say, IF I DIDN'T HAVE A CHILD WITH THIS WOMAN, I'D HAVE KICKED HER ASS TO THE CURB YEARS AGO.
The problem is, I don't want my little girl to go through a broken marriage like my other two kids did. But I'm at my wits end over this, and have been feeling very depressed lately, I guess because I know it's inevitable that we will split up. Because I'm not going to abandon or neglect my kids for ANYONE. I'd rather be alone and get to see all three of my kids whenever I want than to stay with someone who treats me and my kids this way.
i am sorry but she sounds like an absoloute cow! all your children need equal attention not more than the others! your babies will never forgive you for this if yoiu dont make this right!, i sort of went through the same thing and ended up at court and went from having my baby full time to 4 days a week and it kills me!!! all because i made the same mistake as you! , you will never forgive yourself if it is a big ugly judge ordering that you are only allowed to see them for 1 day a week, get rid of the wife she is about to make a hell for you!
It sounds like you already know what you need to do.
These are your children. And this woman accepted them the day she accepted you as her husband.
If my own husband/sons father gave me grief about spending too much time with our son, I would have A LOT of thinking to do about where our marriage was going. Now, if I was neglecting him all the time for our son, that's a different story. But in your situation even once a week with your kids seems too much for her.
Especially the fact that your other kids don't live with you, it seems even more of a reason to take them for ice cream...and if they are hungry, bring them food. You are not a delivery man, you are a dad.
You should never feel like you have to hide things from your spouse, and you especially should never have to hide the fact that you spend time with your children.
Does your wife even allow them over to spend time with their other sibling?
You wife wants her own little family with you. She seems to highly resent to fact that you have other children and hates this other woman for it. She can't blame the other woman for only getting pregnant to try and make you marry her. It takes TWO people to get pregnant. You played just as big of a role in making these kids as she did.
If you don't want to jump into divorce then I would suggest an ultimatum. Tell her that these are your children and you love them just as much as you love the child you had with her. If she can't accept them, then you can't accept her. And if that is the case, then divorce is the only resolution because you are done letting her keep you away from your children.
She is over stepping her boundaries as your wife and you needed to end it yesterday. Do it now..not tonight, not tomorrow, right now. She either accepts that you have a responsibility and a need to be a dad to ALL of your kids, or she needs to get a lawyer. She doesn't have to like your kids, but she doesn't need to let you know that and she doesn't need to keep you from them either.
Women all dream of having kids with a man who wants to be a great and involved dad. There are many great dads out there..but there are also many dead beats. If anything, the fact that you want to spend time with your kids is a highly attractive quality to any woman! Your wife is letting her jealousy get in the way of seeing that you are, want and need to be a great dad to ALL of your kids.
Not trying to be sarcastic just trying to find out if being alone, not having your wife or any other woman in your life was worth placing your children above all? Do you feel that having your kids part time was worth your marriage?
I'm certainly happy you got what you wanted.. So how's the single life for you.. Will you enter into another serious relationship? How do you think your new wife will feel about always coming second since your children will always come 1st..
Get a grip lady. Yes, children will grow up and leave, but they will always be bonded by blood. They will ALWAYS be his children. Wives however, are disposable.... You should know.