My husband accused me of stealing my childs money

shelleyv · 08-25-2009, 05:01 AM

For about 6 months now, my husband has had a real issue with money, and how I spend it. As far as my daughter is concerned, I cover all her costs (gladly) which includes school fees, clothes, food, toys etc. I have a stop order on my account which goes into her savings account each month also. Any other money that goes in that account has been given to her by my father. This morning my husband asked me where her bank card is and I told him I have it. He then told me very sarcastically that I must put it in the safe because he is more than sure I have spent all her money. She is three years old. Why would I take my own daughters money? This accusation has left me crushed. I do everything for this child, he maybe buys her clothes twice a year, thats it. If I have anything extra at the end of the month, I spend it on the family. I dont buy luxury items, I dont even have my hair done because its too costly. I would rather spend money on the two of them. What does one do when you are accused of such things? We have been married 9 years and I have stuck by him through thick and thin. I often give him money to pay his debt. I am so hurt because I never thought he would stoop this low.

Blanca · 08-26-2009, 12:01 AM

my h sometimes takes passive-aggressive stabs at me too. its hard not to get defensive and just recoil. but its much more effective if i confront him right in the moment. usually i'll tell him "That was a passive aggressive remark. is something bothering you? are you upset about something?" and i'll usually tell him it hurt my feelings, that he wont get his feelings addressed that way because i wont be able to guess whats bothering him, and i will emotionally withdrawal. i even resorted to marking his hand with a black marker every time he was passive-aggressive with me. It was pretty effective. Sometimes he would say, 'but you said....' implying that i was passive-aggressive with him and he was retaliating. i said, 'ok. then let me know instead of retaliating.' its pretty effective.

LaBella · 08-26-2009, 08:57 AM

You have post it money problems with him before, have you spoken to him and ask him what are his basis to believe that you are spending too much money? I have a cousin who her husband will not spend his money on anything that it is not absolutely need it and sometimes *****es even for that, but because his wife works and she spends her money he has nothing to say. If you do not work, I suggest to find something to do were you get money yourself and stop depending on him for everything. if you work and he still has problems with that then tell him that you do not tell him how to spend his money so do not interfere with yours. As for you daughter's account, make sure that you do not leave thatcard anywhere were he cannot find it, I have a feeling that he wants the card to start taken money out himself.

amberlynn · 08-26-2009, 09:04 AM

You said you have often payed his debt, are you sure he isnt wanting you to put the card in the safe so he can spend it himself, then later blame you? My husband and I put money in our son's piggy bank, NEVER would we spend it, or would he accuse me of spending it. It just doesnt sound right. If I were you, I would keep the card just incase he is tryin to get it to where he can spend it himself.

preso · 08-26-2009, 04:33 PM

sounds to me he found something that highly upsets you... if it's not true, don't take it so serious or personal and learn to laugh at him when he makes remarks to inflame the situation... tell him how funny he is being.

shelleyv · 08-27-2009, 02:28 AM

I do work and pay my fair share of the bills. He doesnt contribute anything towards my daughter except for buying her clothes from time to time. The money in the account is what my dad has contributed in the past for birthdays and Christmas, and my money that comes off my salary each month into her account. So thats what makes me so angry because he isnt contributing to the account at all - its not his money! I gave him R8,000 last year towards his credit card, I could have paid off my own debt instead. If I had a problem with money surely I would have spent that on myself and on luxuries? You are right I should laugh at him because its just insane. Still hurts though. I sent him a breakdown of what I pay and what I am left with at the end of the month to carry us through the month, and asked him if he felt he could do a better job of it. No reply of course.

preso · 08-28-2009, 03:46 PM

If he ever does it again... accuse him of something just as insane...
perhaps maybe say you noticed he is lingering at your daughter during diaper changes...

you get my point?

say it
right then, timing is critical. Right after he says something insane to you hit him with that.........

If you do it right, it should end all insane accusations. forever.

dobo · 09-04-2009, 03:59 PM

I was thinking the same thing as Amberlynn.