[preso]

I wonder if my issues with husbands kids will ever end?

Seems it comes up every week or two and I'm sick sick sick of it and hearing the BS.

Will it ever end? My gosh I'm tired of it !

[Blanca]

lol...i dont think its gonna end preso. you're just gonna have to learn to deal with it.

[preso]

Don't know if I can.

I grew up very differently than my husbands ex is raising her kids.
They are coming down with a massive sense of entitlement
and the girl also has very annoying drama and is abusive to us.

so.........
I ponder the whole thing and my light of glimmer right now is small but his daughter has been so badly behaved and intended to influict so much damage on her father that she has distanced herself from him ( an dme, the glimmer is she is not in our lives with her abusive nasty attitude right now due to her fits and demands) , which is good for me too as she has also been abusive to me, slight but then... she did what she could.
It really is more about her attitude which I seriously don't get all the unrealisitc thinking, more at her age... as she is an adult now
( still living with her mother, being spoiled with things she does not work for or deserve and also has men living with her at her mothers)

His son although not a behavioral problem... gets rewarded for things he fails at...
he barely passes in school ( passes by the skin of his teeth) and he gets a new car. He cannot spell at a 2nd grade level and is more or less unmotivated to do any better or try to do well... and seems illiterate for the most part......

his life is like this:
He wants something, his mother buys it for him
( expensive electronic things and also a new car well before he could even drive it)
so................................

I don't get it or the sense of entitlement they have... but more I dont get this type of parenting he gets from his mother and there is nothing we can do about it as they live with her. We have no control what she does with them due to this and their ages.
(20 and 16)

What is to become of the situation because they may not know this but my husband and I have the same feelings and we are both not that way, were not raised that way, don't understand how they are being raised...
but we do know its creating monsters, this bribery parenting of their mothers and I seriously fear what may happen to US as a result...

or what is going on with them as to what they expect or think they have rights to FROM US !

[preso]

To add.

I am very sad his kids are being raised like this and I often wonder if its his ex's intent to ruin them so they always live with her...

which is bad for their development as people.

I find it sad his son is so uppity in so many ways with material things.... as he has so much, more than most 40 year old men and has done nothing to deserve or even EARN them.
( new car, HDTV, expensive playstations every year.. newest model you see.... etc)
I wonder what will become of him... and when I start to think about it, it scares me and I can't finsish the thoughts because
the only people I know who are somewhat like him...
are losers ( adults)
so whats going to happen if this proves to be true? Is he going to hound us to take care of him like his mother does when she is no longer aroundor can't?

geez...
I pray daily some divine intervention will occur in that household but God is not answering yet.

[Blanca]

i dont think you'll ever find a situation that is completely absent of abusive people. its just life. other people have their motives and they probably think you are the abusive one. so unless you want to live completely alone, out on some deserted island, then you'll have to learn to understand conflicts instead of feeling the need to run from them. i know its a pain and feels like a complete waste of your time and energy, but that's b/c of your persepective. you think things should be different. but if you change your perspective you might find the conflicts with his kids arent as annoying or draining- you might find you can learn a few things, too.

[preso]

Everything I learn about his kids
makes me scared.... as they are sooooo very out of touch with reality
and how life works.

They are spoiled rotten in the worst way and devloping into those crazy people like on myspace who call each other s lut and wh ore
as a term of affection.

how crude and stupid !

I do not see anything good to learn from them. At one point his son had some good things about him
until his mother started with the expensive gifts...
then he changed and BIG time !

Not even sure how to be around his son anymore... and each time he comes over its more and more difficult for me.

I really do pray about it everyday and hope to see some divine intervention, but don't.

I know a few people who were raised in this way and it never worked out well. They either died young from drugs or alcohol
( or both combined).... ended up in prison... or a complete psycho case.
I hope that doesn't happen to them .. but what ???? will become of them... I can see nothing good.

What I have noticed myself doing is distancing emotionally and physically from them and involvement with them. I think its better that way as I really do not feel I want to be open for them to place any of their demands or ideals upon... or for them to know too much about me.

I want them to leave me out of their lives for the most part, due to the attitude.
When I do see them... I want it to be as my husbands wife... not
anything more or less and not a relationship on a personal level.


My reasons are for protection on many levels, not just emotional
but also financial. It would blow them out of the water and their world.... to know certain things about me and because of the attitude they have.... I fear they may harm me... if they knew.
They would not understand how there are people... who CHOOSE to live in a way to
look average and moderate, not trying to draw attention to things they might have... as they are big show offs and try to appear to be and have more than they have and are or are capable of...

They would not understand and I think it would make them think evil things or try to harm me.... as they are going to most certainly be broke when their mother stops providing the lavish and uppity lifestyle they have become accustom to...

so..........
I would prefer distance I guess... rather than worry they may try to harm me.... Due to thier mothers grooming them into the entitled people they are growing into....

Their mother will not be able to afford to keep them in the lifestyle she has started for them and she will not live long as she drinks a lot and also smokes a lot. She is also a personality type that is hotheaded, which is not one that lives a long time. ( she has a super bad temper)
and she is much older than my husband and I...
( she had her kids late in life)

sigh...
life can be so hard. But I feel its the best choice I can make under the circumstances.
It's too bad.. at one point I thought better about a relationship with his son, but that has changed in the last year... I am also going to make SURE and certain legal aspects are solid as a brick wall as I do not care for them to have any gain from me should I die before them...
because of the attitude they have.
It disgusts me.