10-20-2009, 01:03 PM
Join Date: Sep 2009
| | Fixing the relationship with the W's family
My marriage is on the rocks at the moment. Iíve got a long gory post elsewhere if you are curious, but one problem I have now is the Wifeís family.
We get together normally every other week. Because they are so close, they gossip like crazy. I donít know how to say it without being rude, but they are just a step above trailer trash. The wife and I have joked and talked about the all the different situations that come up. Thereís drug abuse, stealing, affairs, alcoholics, divorces, prison visits, etc. Itís a huge family (19 uncles/aunts alone without counting spouses) so there is always drama and rumors. There is nothing even remotely close to it in my family.
After confronted about her infidelity by family members, she apparently has told her closest family all about the ďhorrible stuffĒ I do to justify her actions. This includes telling them that I think my family is superior and they are trailer trash, and that I think they are stupid. Now these family events are really uncomfortable. Her parents are great and supportive, but her uncles and sister are super sensitive to my every action and read into my every action. Really hard to explain, but the closest ones to her are the type that buy into every conspiracy theory, and love to make up their own. So you can imagine the rumors going on about me. Iím now labeled as a racist, arrogant, condescending, manipulative, over bearing, insecure, so on and so forth.
Iíd somehow like to avoid the family wrath because it really would make patching things between my wife and I difficult. They are close and unfortunately my W has a tendancy to listen to their advice and theories about our problems. Since they donít like me anymore, her support is jaded against me.
As part of our reconciliation, she has asked me to stop being condescending and making them feel stupid. Considering that they make my every action as a slight against them, I canít figure out how. Example; last week they had a family get together (which was to celebrate my bday, and her sisterís kids bdays). Her uncle caught her alcoholic sister hiding a bottle in the bathroom and getting loaded. So my W, her two uncles, mom and dad basically started berating her about her problem; an impromptu intervention. I walked off with the sisterís husband to watch after the kids and keep them entertained. Because I did that, they found it rude of me to ďdisappearĒ at my own party. I further made the mistake of telling my W (which she shared) that itís pretty dumb knowing the sister is an alcoholic and spending all their time around her doing shots, drinking and getting drunk; itís sort of cruel. So Iím a bad guy who thinks heís smarter than them, and I walked off because Iím no longer committed to supporting my W and family because I'm arrogant and think I'm better than they are...wtf?