11-02-2009, 01:54 PM
Join Date: Nov 2009
| | spouse's children and his ex's extended family
My spouse and I have both been married before. His daughter just got married last month and his son is getting married in about 6 weeks. My problem is his relationship with his ex's extended family.
He went many years without seeing them. Now, with the weddings, it's becoming an issue. He picked up his ex's parents who live about 2 hours away and brought them to his daughter's wedding. He was passing through bringing his mother. The issue wasn't that he did it. It was how it was done. I would have appreciated some thought about my feelings on the matter. I would most likely have said to do it. It's just that I wasn't consulted at all.
Then, yesterday, I found out, after the fact, that he attended a wedding shower given in his ex's home town for his son. He took his elderly mother. Again, it wasn't that he did it..just that he didn't mention it to me until afterward. It's not like I get all upset and throw fits if I'm consulted. I would have been generous about it. I just don't like not knowing about it until afterward.
I was invited to that shower. I didn't go because I wouldn't have known anyone except his ex and his children. If I'd known he was planning to attend, I might have decided to go. It is hurtful that he doesn't think of my feelings before doing something.
I always try to ask him first before doing anything involving my ex just so he knows ahead of time and can voice an opinion if he doesn't want me to do whatever it is. To me, it's just common courtesy.
We are in counseling. We were recently at the point of either splitting up or recommitting to our marriage. We decided the love is still there and to recommit. How do I even discuss this with him? There will be more events before and during the December wedding. I'd rather work out a plan beforehand.
I wasn't even invited to his daughter's rehearsal dinner. All the wedding pictures were made when I wasn't around. Then, his daughter posted a picture of the bride and groom with my husband and his ex and their son on Facebook..the caption was "The *** (last name) crew"... I'm not the type of person to throw fits and embarrass anyone. I've always been liked by people. I'm not used to this type of treatment. Please help me understand. It's not so much jealousy with me..It's being respected as the current wife. Oh, yes, we've been together 11 years and married 7 1/2 years.