The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
We lost our 21 year old daughter to suicide September 23, 2009. Since the passing of Mandi, nothing has been the same. Not that I expected it to be. Some of our daily, normal routines have returned somewhat with the exception of a few things. We visit her grave every day. Hubby no longer gets text messages from her, I don't get to talk to her every day before I go to work and we no longer have to wonder where she is or what shes doing. When I come home from work, I still expect to see Mandi laying on the livingroom couch watching t.v.
I've noticed something else as well. Our marriage isn't the same as it was three months ago. We both seem very distant from each other. Almost "cold" to each other. There's just something different between us. Although, we don't put blame on one another for the death. It's hard to explain. While we still love each other it feels like the spark is gone and were just going through the motions of marriage. We've been married 26 years and this has never happened before.
It seems we're more like roomates now rather then husband and wife.
I am SO very sorry for your loss. This is still such a new experience, you are both greiving and honestly, it is natural for this to happen right now. As the days go on, the two of you may find it easier to work your way back to each other. Have you considered seeing a counselor to help with the emotions you are feeling?
I hope that as time goes on you can each find peace and can work your way back to each other.
We lost our 21 year old daughter to suicide September 23, 2009. Since the passing of Mandi, nothing has been the same. Not that I expected it to be. Some of our daily, normal routines have returned somewhat with the exception of a few things. We visit her grave every day. Hubby no longer gets text messages from her, I don't get to talk to her every day before I go to work and we no longer have to wonder where she is or what shes doing. When I come home from work, I still expect to see Mandi laying on the livingroom couch watching t.v.
I've noticed something else as well. Our marriage isn't the same as it was three months ago. We both seem very distant from each other. Almost "cold" to each other. There's just something different between us. Although, we don't put blame on one another for the death. It's hard to explain. While we still love each other it feels like the spark is gone and were just going through the motions of marriage. We've been married 26 years and this has never happened before.
It seems we're more like roomates now rather then husband and wife.
Will this pass?
Please accept my condolences. My heart goes out to you. My family has been through something like this, although it was a homicide. It was, just as you described it. a nightmare. I remember seeing vehicles on interstate thinking they were my loved one. We went through a point of shock where we had nearly convinced ourselves it hadn't really happened. I'm convinced there is no physical pain that compares to the emotional pain you're going through. You go through the motions of each day. You don't want to be around others because you can't fake a smile. You don't feel like being cheered up, but you don't want to bring others down.
You never stop missing your loved one. However, the rawness you feel now will get easier. You'll eventually be able to sleep throught the night again. You'll stop turning all those questions over and over in your mind. One day, you'll even smile again. You'll have memories of her that will bring a smile to your face.
Take your time in grieving the way you need to. We didn't have a Christmas tree for several years because I just couldn't bring myself to put up the decorations that reminded me of years gone past. I couldn't bear the thought of the holidays spent without my loved one. It was more a matter of just getting through it. Everything was a reminder. Everything.
It's been over a decade for me. We healed and grew stronger. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but you'll get thtough it eventually.
My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
I don't know why I am answering, since I know very little about loss. I am a lucky man.
I guess I am answering so you will know that people care. I first read your post yesterday, and I wanted to say something. I just stared at a blank screen and all I could conjure were stupid banalities. I think many people are touched by your story, but very few know enough to help at all.
I am not a praying man, but I will pray for you, for your family, and for Mandi.
Our oldest child is sometimes suicidal and had a very close call with a suicide attempt a little over a year ago after which we had her in a locked mental ward for a week until we thought we could let her out safely. We were simply lucky. This did strain our marriage - we were both angry and sad. It greatly lowered our sex drives for a few months as well. I still worry we will get "the call" someday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NightMare21
Hello, I just discovered these boards.
We lost our 21 year old daughter to suicide September 23, 2009. Since the passing of Mandi, nothing has been the same. Not that I expected it to be. Some of our daily, normal routines have returned somewhat with the exception of a few things. We visit her grave every day. Hubby no longer gets text messages from her, I don't get to talk to her every day before I go to work and we no longer have to wonder where she is or what shes doing. When I come home from work, I still expect to see Mandi laying on the livingroom couch watching t.v.
I've noticed something else as well. Our marriage isn't the same as it was three months ago. We both seem very distant from each other. Almost "cold" to each other. There's just something different between us. Although, we don't put blame on one another for the death. It's hard to explain. While we still love each other it feels like the spark is gone and were just going through the motions of marriage. We've been married 26 years and this has never happened before.
It seems we're more like roomates now rather then husband and wife.
Loss of our Daughter
Re: Loss of our Daughter
