[lexy]

I have been with my husband for about 4 years. I knew he had a daughter from an ex-girlfriend, but recently found out there is another child from another woman (though he denies it's his, the woman's social networking blog says otherwise). We were trying to conceive and now for financial reasons I have concerns.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time we have been through something like this, and given his track record with women I'm concerned there may be even more children out there. Obviously, we are dealing with some trust issues because he has not been entirely honest with me about his past. Anyone here experience something similar that was able to get through it that can offer some helpful advice?

[believer]

I wonder if there is some type of database that you look up a person & see if they are listed as the birth parent? this sounds a little extreme but maybe look into hiring a private investigator - they might be able to find out some info for you.
It seems sad that you would need to go to these lengths to find out the truth but it sounds like your husband has not been very forthcoming about his past.

It would have been nice & more fair for you to have all the facts going into your relationship - so you could make an educated & informed decision.

On the other hand, not that I am defending your husband because most definitely he should have been honest from the start. However, I am sure there is some bit of fear on his part that if he did tell you the truth he would loose you.
Maybe if you reassure him that you will try be open to whatever he has to tell you & try to encourage him to open up to you so you can find out what is the "real' story.
I don't envy your position. . .
I would put baby making plans on hold until you feel more comfortable with the current situation & feel that you can trust your husband fully. Adding a child into any relationship puts a whole new twist on things & of course makes your lives more complicated & intertwined.
good luck

[preso]

wow, what a horrible surprise.
and how old is he?

Thank God for DNA testing as that will confirm or deny
any alligations of paternity.

[lexy]

We are both turning 30 next year. The girl has not come forward and has not tried to contact my husband (as far as I know). According to my husband, he always assumed she had had an abortion.

It's incredible. There was another woman about 3 years ago that said that my husband was her child's father. It turned out that the woman had no child and made the story up to rattle his chains. I spent months researching that other girl and trying to find out another child existed. The photos she was using to try to convince my husband that he had a child with her ended up being photos of her nephew.

Apparently, he has gotten 8-9 women pregnant in the past, the pregnancies either ending in abortion or miscarriages (except for the case with his daughter, and perhaps, this other child). I didn't find this out until later, but I feel like I should have seen this coming. I believed him when he told me there were no more children, and nothing else to worry about. Ugh... I feel really stupid now.

I love him and my stepdaughter very much and would love to work this out. I do want a child of my own, however. I guess it will just take time.

[preso]

He does not sound like a man to trust from his history as you tell it... if it were me, I'd leave him.

[sionarah]

Eight to nine women pregnant in the past? Abortions and miscarriages? Wow, if you really want children of your own, it would be good to investigate and find out how responsible of a father a man like this would be.

[lexy]

Originally Posted by sionarah

Eight to nine women pregnant in the past? Abortions and miscarriages? Wow, if you really want children of your own, it would be good to investigate and find out how responsible of a father a man like this would be.

That's what I'm worried about. He is o.k. with his daughter. It's weird to find these things out about him because he seems so responsible otherwise.

[Mommybean]

He may "seem" responsible but his actions towards unprotected sex time and time again prove otherwise. I would not have kids with him, especially since all you can say is he is "ok" with his daughter.

[Confused in NY]

Oh my god, I googled this topic because I have a similar issue. I love my fiance with my heart and soul. He is 11 years older and I knew of his 3 children he told me about from his prior relationship. He was stationed in GA in the Army back in the 90s. Long story short, I came across paperwork that indicated another child - an 18 year old girl. I confronted him about it. He cried, broke down and tells me that he never met the girl. That he left the girls mother when she was pregnant and when he received word his daughter was born and he went to find her, the mother refused and said shed never allow him to meet her. It took many conversations and much healing to get past this. A year later (now) his daughter reaches out to him on Facebook. It really jolted me but I tried to deal with it. I come across a FB private msg to him -- his daughter asks if she has siblings....he proceeds to name 5 other children total!!! He apparently has an additional 2 daughters in GA that he never met either! When I confront him about it, he breaks down and admits he hasn't met these daughters either. He was a different person back then. He knew if he told me of his messed up past, I never would've accepted him.
I asked him to move out while I collect my thoughts but I am absolutely devastated. I have no idea what to do! My heart loves him still and these children are older (21, 19, and 18) but omg he left 3 children in GA. I am so lost.