[preso]

My husband and I are at odds about what to do with the holidays coming and his kids.
What is the right way to set boundries with them over the holidays?
They have taken advantage of him badly over the last few years

I guess what I'm saying is for me... I'm not very comfortable with the one big happy family senerio or going out of my way during the holidays for them ( including them at dinner) as they have not appriciaited anything he has done for them for many years.

so what do we do?
I'm not quite sure how to handle it but I can't see myself eating Thanksgiving dinner with his kids without puking.
They have refused holidays with him for years.... I figure he should stop asking, more so since one is an adult now.

what do you think?

[Blanca]

I know what you mean about playing the whole 'happy family scenario'. my MIL is coming for thanksgiving and i am having issues with that, too.

I dont think you can set boundaries with the kids because the problem you are trying to solve is not between you and the kids; you're trying to solve someone else's problems and that never works. the only person you can set boundaries with is yourself. i would say you need to set a boundary on not getting in the middle of your H and his kids. If he wants to allow his kids to take advantage of him, thats his prerogative. he's a grown man. im sure he can make his own decisions and im sure he's hardly innocent in the matter. the irony is you are treating your H like a child and the children like adults.

the other boundary you can set is with your personal space. if you dont want to be around the kids, then dont. i havent been around my MIL in years. if you decide to be around them, its going to be awkward, uncomfortable, but its only a couple days.

[preso]

Thanks for your input Blanca...
Just before bed last night my husband and I came up with a idea we both are ok with
and that being... to not do dinner with them
but invite them late in the day for coffee and cake, after 8pm in the evening. This way he gets to see them and eat on the holiday and I am not going to any trouble cooking for their unappriciative butts.
Not to mention, they won't stay long this way.

This will be the first time they spend holiday time with him in some time as they have been refusing since he declined to buy some expensive gifts they requested and they have been trying to punish him ( yeah they are monsters)

We will have more control over the situation and since time is limited so is the risk of them acting up with the drama and other Bull they are so well known to do.

Yeah HOLIDAYS ! HA! There is more conflict with families on the holidays than any other time of year !!!
As far as boundries and not being around his kids, I am otherwise forced to be around his kids at this time as we are working with them to teach them boundries and respect, so I am forced to be a part of it at this time.
I have no choice if I can NOT SEE THEM... but I have choices about how and when and for how long.

[lost1234]

Unreal...sorry didnt take notice to who posted! though it had more to do with the holidays as most of us see them.