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I had the same problem this week, and I'm still deciding how I want to handle it.
I locked down the home computers fairly well. There are decent parental controls in Windows Vista, and Windows 7. I locked out a lot of other things at the router, so they can't go to major chat services, and IM services. I do basic logging, and tracking on their accounts. They rarely get to use the internet unsupervised for any length of time. I've never had any issues with the home computers.
I thought that was working out pretty well. Except they went over to Grandma's when the A/C burned out this week, and Grandma doesn't have jack on her computer for security, filtering, or anything else. I didn't even think about it, just told them they couldn't use it without someone with them. I'm annoyed they disobeyed this.
I left to deal with the air conditioning people, and a few other things at the house, and grandma left them mostly unsupervised for a couple hours (thinking they were just watching TV). Last night I found out my 10 year old boy spent about an hour surfing all of the links at pornhub. (Take a gander, its not exactly soft core, but plenty of worse things out there too). Worse, he was watching this with his 6 year old brother.
I haven't decided how I want to handle this today, and am open to suggestions. For the moment I have simply grounded him from the computer, but I haven't had time to mull over what I want to do yet. I wont see both of them until this afternoon.
Ask them what they think their punishment should be, when you get home. Then tell them that you are going to think about it, overnight, and let them know tomorrow what the punishment will be. The waiting will be worse than the actual punishment, lol.
I probably wouldn't do much more to the 6 year old except have a VERY frank talk about what all that stuff was about, and how people get hurt making that stuff. Ask him to think how he would feel if he had a sister who was doing it.
The 10 year old...I would probably sit down with him every day for half an hour for a few days, searching sites about what that industry does to young girls, and even young boys! Make him aware of what that industry is REALLY about, and how devastating it can be on people, the kids who go to Hollywood to be a star and end up doing that, abuse, drugs...all that stuff.
Scare the crap out of him about what it really is. And then tell him his punishment is he has to write you a two-page report on what the industry is really about.
Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me).
Together we read and even signed the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site.
I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.) She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.
She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are.
Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name!
I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her. It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet.
My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw; it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible by any means to our children.
Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.
She said it just popped up when she was on one of those 3d virtual worlds and she clicked on it. She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!
I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works. She is banned from all computers for a very very long time. I just don't know what to say to her now.
Goodness I'm sort of offended that you referred to your child as all American girl scout because she had blonde hair blue eyes. I'm far from blonde and sure don't have blue eyes and I am intelligent and was a highly regarded girls scout when I was younger. My children aren't blonde hair blue eyed either and they are very brilliant. Nevertheless, I thought that comment was a little weird. But to add to the comments my 10 year old now 11 year old son was caught watching porn too and we took the laptop away and he is banned till like age 18. My H and I had a long hard talk with him giving him a "scared straight" type of approach. Telling him the gory details of what sex really is between a loving and consenting man and woman to be performed in private and that porn is something the world has created to feed peoples secret desires and is not for children, teenagers, and many immature adults. We explained by watching things that are sexually explicit like that he would not be able to handle the feelings he will experience inside and will want to act on them before he is mature enough to understand what his body is going through. We proceeded to tell him the short version regarding STD's, unwanted teenage pregnancy, rape, molestation and child endangerment laws. Needless-to-say he was floored and sense understands the severity of his actions and doesn't seem to be even the slightest bit interested in watching even adult themed shows like Family Guy. We ban those shows now anyway.
I do not see what the problem is i watched some porn at 12-13 and hid it from my parents. Eventually people will find out, is the lesson i learned later in life. Kids are curious, so many mothers and fathers just have to be ready to explain it to their kids when problems like this happen. After talking to my wife about what crazy things we did as kids we decided to plan to talk to our son if and when he looks at that kind of stuff. Some parents feel like it is their duty to absolutely stop their kids from looking at stuff like that. But to do that they would have to have their kids living a sheltered life with no friends and no outside contact. Even when parents do that the parents themselves would have to stop being intimate with each other and then the marriage would eventually end.
I am going through this right now with my 7 y/o niece. She was on my laptop in her room and looked up sex videos. She said she saw on a show that a girl was wanting to have sex for the first time and her bf told her no, that they were too young. They were already making out, which is what she thought sex was. When she saw that part of the show she figured out it wasnt sex and decided to look it up. I was horrified of course. She didn't lie about it when I asked what she was looking out. I saw the shame in her face. I told her father and when I talked to her step mom I told her I thought it was time for the talk. It went well and we thought we were in the clear. Tonight one of her friends parents told her dad that she got on a porn site at their house! She was banned from the internet for the time being, it had only been 4 or 5 days... So now we are here... I have her a lot during the summer and I don't know what to do with her now either. She got in trouble the first time for not following the rules of the internet... she was only allowed on certain sites. She's been using the net for 3 years so I never imagined this... def not at 7! Now its at the point where she is showing other young kids! We are all at a loss. We stopped it at our house but cant stop it elsewhere! She obviously wont be going into friends houses for awhile!
People, people, please... The problem here is your personal desire to block everything or not allow your child access to a computer/internet! That is so not the way to solve your problems!
The more you block or disallow, the more they will want to do it! What you need to do is communicate with your CHILD... child being the key word here... communicate to them, teach them what sex is, teach them why porn is unhealthy for a CHILD to watch, teach them that sex is normal for ADULTS, and PORN is not so normal, especially for a child!
If you need to, show them examples of people who have crashed and burned because of an addiction to porn, which leads to weird lifestyles, which leads to alcohol, drugs, etc... (Charlie Sheen).
Scare them straight... read them the news and let them know there are predators in the chat rooms. The key here is communication, education, and learning reality!
Stop sugar coating everything and make your self realize what a horrible society we live in and the only way to survive today is to keep it real. I know they are children. Believe me that they know what sex is, whether you wish to believe it or not!
I have a niece who has been sexually active since the age of 10. Yes I said 10! Lost her virginity to a 14 year old boy. No one was there to properly guide her. My sister was a single mother of 4, constantly changing boyfriends. My niece was extremely sexually curious with no guidance.
There wasn't even internet back then. I wish I had lived closer and been there to teach her that her curiosity was normal but teach her how to deal with it properly as a young woman. That was about ten years ago. She's had a rough childhood, but at least now she knows she can talk to me anytime about anything and I will help guide her decisions.
Sex is very openly discussed in my household, and is not seen as a shameful subject. Currently, my nephew is 17 and has been openly sexually active since the age of 14, and yes I supply him with condoms... while my other nephew also 17 is not sexually active but knows what sex is but would rather wait for the right girl. I also have a 14 year old niece who constantly asks questions about sex but says she's going to wait until she gets into a good College.
Bottom line is, keep it real and communication is the key! We are surrounded by sex, drugs, and violence. You can't block these things from our children. You need to talk about it, not hide from it!!!!!!
Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me).
Together we read and even signed the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site.
I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.) She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.
She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are.
Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name!
I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her.
On to her? What does that mean?
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It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids.
What not teach her right from wrong so that if she stumbles onto something like that, she knows to click away?\
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I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum??
Do you know what the internet is?
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How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games.
Or you could teach them. Personally, I value freedom of speech, even bad speech. Teach your kids. That is what a parent is for.
I am going through this right now with my 7 y/o niece. She was on my laptop in her room and looked up sex videos.
Why is a 7yo on a laptop in her room?
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So now we are here... I have her a lot during the summer and I don't know what to do with her now either. She got in trouble the first time for not following the rules of the internet... she was only allowed on certain sites. She's been using the net for 3 years so I never imagined this... def not at 7! Now its at the point where she is showing other young kids! We are all at a loss. We stopped it at our house but cant stop it elsewhere! She obviously wont be going into friends houses for awhile!
Um. She cannot use the computer responsibly, therefor she cannot use the computer? But really, what business does a kid have being unsupervised on the internet? Turnera's advice is the best. Make it highly visible and access is granted only when someone is available to supervise.
My catholic mother did the same thing everytime my brother and I got caught with porn, she just made it more enticing.
We already saw it as the ultimate forbidden fruit (I mean we were 10 and 8, neither of us were popping boners yet). My friends mom would make fun of it when he got caught, she'd say he and his father were no better than the dog humping a boot
27 yrs later my friend still has a "whatever" attitude about sex and porn and my brother and I are still as goofy and perverted!
However When my older sister and I were in our teens, my mother would try to discourage us from even thinking about engaging in sexual activity by telling us “making out is nasty”. If a movie or show on TV had a couple kissing or the scene implied they were going to have or just had sex, my mom would say something like, “Better not find out you girls are doing that.” etc.... Talk about growing up and thinking sex was one of the most terrible acts you could do. Good grief!!! Even well into my 20’s I got embarrassed when my friends would joke around or make comments of a sexual nature and I was not even taking part in the bantering. I took a course in college which also happen to cover a topic of human sexuality, the majority of the time I wanted to hide behind my text book. In my early twenties, my female primary physician referred me to an OBGYN (because it was time I had one). This OBGYN was well known in the area, rumored to be great and …….. male ……Yikes! You talk about having to learn how to have conversation without turning bright red. Although majority of your appoint that type of doctor is not even looking at your face and probably has no clue what color your eyes are. LOL!
Fast forward several years later; it took some time to undo the damage from the way my mother chose to program my sister and I not to be promiscuous. I’m not angry at my mother, she handled it the only way she knew how. I have learned from her mistakes though. My son is 10 years old and I will handle things differently with regards to sex and curiosity. Some years ago I met a woman who happened to be a court appointed child psychologist. Now and then she would share tid bits of stories related to her work. Ingrained in my memory are comments on how so many youths are misled when their curiosity regarding sex arises. That a great portion of a youth’s distorted concepts are developed from how their parents handle concerns about sex. She also stated there is no 100% answer for when each child is going to be curious regarding the sexual functioning parts of their bodies. And yes, porn definitely gives youth a very misguided idea of what sex is about. Especially the boys. Sorry guys.
The timing of this thread becoming active again is rather ironic to me. I’m currently waiting to hear from my ex to see if my son can spend a little time with him this evening. I very seldom ask to switch schedules around. Under most circumstances I have no problem taking my son with me on whatever errands/tasks need to be handled. However, this evening’s agenda consists of breeding a mare who is in season. Those are questions and a conversation to a can of worms that at his current age, I will wait for him to open.
My 10 year old son I found was searching for porn online. I had looked through the history and found numerous sites he had visited. He tried saying he didn't go to them, but they were sites he had visited while me and my fiance went to the local store (we were gone maybe 25 minutes). I explained to him that they weren't appropriate and tried to tell him as best I could, that that wasn't respectful (so he could understand, but how do you tell a 10 year old that just watched a couple having porn style sex that it isn't OK, what IS ok?)
Anyway, to top that off, later on, weeks later, my fiance and I were having sexual relations in our bedroom, at around 2am, and mistakenly, we woke him up. Now he has a tendency to stay up for hours after bedtime, so I don't know if he stayed up or if we woke him up (we really try to be discreet). Well he really got mad at me because DADDY was doing what he watched on the computer, and I told him it wasn't OK. So now he's a little confused. Now he's mad because we're having a baby girl and he says its all my fault. LOL.
But, in today's world, its so hard to SHIELD your kids from every evil. When I was young, I used to be the porn mag king with my guy friends. Today, I'm 35 and haven't looked at one in gee.. over 15 years.
I read another post earlier here, where a 6 year old was always in his room naked, playing with his stuffed animals and such. Sexual curiosity I think comes whether we see it or not. But with all the TV, Internet, FRIENDS at school.. its impossible to prevent visual and audio stimulation of that curiosity.
We are sexual beings, with the gift of knowing how to keep it under wraps and private. When our kids get into it, we want to get mad or scared... but what are we really scared or mad about? That they are doing similar things we did? Unless it starts getting out of hand, don't worry too much. I just created a special account so that my son has very limited access.. so much that sometimes I have to go in and enter a password now and then so he can get on a site. But hey, thats called parenting.
Don't beat yourself up too much over it. How old were all the guys in here when they first masterbated? Was that evil? Did you get in trouble for it? I hope not.. but lets put things into perspective a bit and try to stay sane. Happy parenting people.
I started watching porn when I was 12 and by 15 had seen most of the more extreme genres of porn and I think I turned out fine.
At the time a couple times a week my best mate who was raised by strict religious parents would come over and we would watch my porn and masturbate to it. It was just a fun thing we had that we could do that didn't mean anything.
In primary school = sex is already a subject
Your daughter was simply being a child; curious about it.
Banning her from the internet I don't think will do much as a disciplinary action. As of this moment there's nothing much you can do about the net, and it's not just the internet it's the freakin' culture. Sex and drugs. Can't help it, it is what it is.
You can not stop the external influence coming in, the only thing you can do is focus on teaching your daughter HOW to DEAL with these influences. She's going to encounter this everywhere, and when she enters high school the influences and peer pressure will be 10x stronger then what it is now.
Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn 
Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn 
When my older sister and I were in our teens, my mother would try to discourage us from even thinking about engaging in sexual activity by telling us “making out is nasty”. If a movie or show on TV had a couple kissing or the scene implied they were going to have or just had sex, my mom would say something like, “Better not find out you girls are doing that.” etc.... Talk about growing up and thinking sex was one of the most terrible acts you could do. Good grief!!! Even well into my 20’s I got embarrassed when my friends would joke around or make comments of a sexual nature and I was not even taking part in the bantering. I took a course in college which also happen to cover a topic of human sexuality, the majority of the time I wanted to hide behind my text book. In my early twenties, my female primary physician referred me to an OBGYN (because it was time I had one). This OBGYN was well known in the area, rumored to be great and …….. male ……Yikes! You talk about having to learn how to have conversation without turning bright red. Although majority of your appoint that type of doctor is not even looking at your face and probably has no clue what color your eyes are. LOL!
Sorry guys. 
