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Old 06-09-2011, 12:06 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn

sionarahYep
Since I am not a parent, I can only offer points from my own childhood about sex, trust, fear and other things surrounding SEX!
In our home, there was a kind of underlying PARANOIA about anything to do with sex! As a child, I remember being both interested in anything sexual and TERRIFIED of it. Now that I am older, I can see that most of my feelings and beliefs came from or were given to me by my parent's attitudes and behaviors surrounding sexual stuff. We didn't have TV or the Internet (I was born in 1937) but there were plenty of magazines in liquor stores for me to STARE at and I, being an artist, learned how to "trace" female figures from comic books and "create" my own NUDES from my drawings, which I always HID FROM my 'paranoid' parents of course! I don't ever recall discussing sex or sexual stuff with either of my parents & seldom with my older brother. Somehow it was always a loaded, dangerous, EMBARRASSING and frightening subject in our home. I can say that our parents, not us kids, created this whole worrisome scenario with their fearful and shameful attitudes, beliefs and behaviors EVEN though they both were quite experienced with sexual stuff! (as I later discovered!)
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She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem.
This sounds like how it was in my home. If my parents has ever "caught" me engaged in some sexy stuff, I would have ran hysterically away to hide in shame & fear of them. By 10, your child is already under the gun - just like I was.
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I was already sick to my stomach
Why sick? Is sexual stuff that upsetting or disgusting for you? Now you are sounding like my parents!
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Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
Oh, oh! I sense PARANOIA here!
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She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her.
Wow, is your daughter a CRIMINAL? Has she committed a CRIME and been caught? Something is seriously wrong here!
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Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
This "crap" is available all over the place just as it was in my day. I didn't see the kind of "crap" that is available today (I heard about it from other kids) BUT the issue was never about the "crap", it was always about my parents distorted and paranoid attitudes and FEAR/SHAME and the fact that they couldn't bring them selves to teach me anything about sex or sexuality. LOL, my dad took to leaving sexy calendars around for us boys to "find" - I guess that was his ignorant idea of a sex education for us! If there is a problem with sex, porn and "crap" in your home it's up to you to SENSIBLY inform and educate your child about sexual things, not attempt to shield her (and your self) from what you cannot. Eventually she is going to encounter a lot of this "crap" and, as with me, will be better equipped to handle it IF YOU HELP HER with realistic education and discussions as out lined in many parenting books or classes.
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Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents?
Why can't parents step up to the plate and HELP their kids instead of protecting and shielding their kids (and them selves) from things that are simply here? Tell your 10 yr old as much as you can or as much as you know and then let her deal with this "crap" as an informed person instead of running hysterically away like a criminal if and when CAUGHT BY YOU!
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My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw;
Your heart would not 'break' if you and your child could discuss what you both saw and could see through the wrongness or silliness of it all and maybe laugh it all off.
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it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible by any means to our children.
But it IS AVAILABLE. So why not tackle it and HELP your child come to grips with what is either good or bad with any of it? I had such weird, sick and TWISTED ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. about sex all because my parents NEVER helped me understand or face it and my peers, in laws and strangers filled me with a disturbing mixture of good/bad, right/wrong, ok/not ok stuff about sex. My parents only helped me be afraid, ashamed and utterly confused about sex!
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I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.
WHAT PROBLEM? We don't have a problem with this "crap" because it doesn't scare or shame us and we FEARLESSLY see what is both good and bad about it.
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She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing
LOL, smart? or SCARED? Seems like guilt and fear to me!
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and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!
At 10, she is old enough for you to sit down, maybe right in front of a porn show, and help her LEARN what is ok and not ok about what she IS GOING TO SEE ANYWAY. Talk about it, laugh about it, cry about it, discuss it, relate to it, reject it, but don't pretend she is not going to encounter that "crap" or that you can protect her from being interested in it or ever seeing it again!
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I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works.
IMO, and childhood experience, the only thing that is ever going to "work" [help your child understand things] is to openly educate and prepare your child (and your self) for what is here and that you can not block or prevent. Not sure what church or psychiatry has to do with understanding and learning about porn and sex other than psychiatry could teach you how to talk with your child about the FACTS OF LIFE.
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She is banned from all computers for a very very long time.
LOL, at 10, she will do what I did and find lots of ways to go behind your menacing back and find the "crap" anyway!
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I just don't know what to say to her now.
How about "Honey, I'm sorry I acted so crazy about the computer but lets talk about the things you saw there and about sexy stuff in general. What is your opinion about .........?" and go from there! You both say and ask her about what she knows, believes, feels, wants, understands, expects, is afraid of, gets from and all about: life, sex, you, her self, punishment, rewards, happiness, God, etc., etc. Ask a lot of questions and give less LECTURES! Engage your child like an equal - not as a servant or "mere" child!
My parents really blew it by treating me like a "thing" instead of an intelligent, feeling, caring, interested and human being in need of help . They had the idea us kids didn't need to be told or taught; that we were supposed to just pick things up from them or read their minds. We NEVER talked about anything of substance and they either LECTURED us or remained hidden behind stoic silence while we trembled in confusion, fear and ANGER! Read some books and LEARN HOW to talk with (not to) and HELP your child get ready for life. Sure wish my parents had done that but in those days, parents were PERFECT and certainly didn't need anyone telling them how to raise kids!
good luck
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Old 06-09-2011, 12:17 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn

sionarah;103555]
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I mean this is the kid who covers her eyes when people kiss on tv.
That seems like SHAME to me!
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It's amazing how we try so hard to protect our kids and something still slips through to get to them. I guess you can't keep out all the bad from your childs life, that devil wants to get in somehow.
Don't blame the Devil! It only "gets to" the ones that are not prepared and educated, by their parents or someone, to handle things. You can't keep out the "bad" BUT YOU CAN help them get ready to face it!
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Old 06-09-2011, 12:46 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn

maureenb
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I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel.
LOL, "caught" - like you caught a criminal committing a crime?!?
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I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children!
You don't have to be a parent to understand what kids go through! You just have to REMEMBER your own childhood!


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I calmly went to my son and asked him if he looked at the stuff and he denied it. I knew for a fact that it was him so he knew looking at it was wrong...knew enough to lie to cover it up.
As paranoid as my parents were, I'd have lied too! It was only wrong because you, like my parents, made it wrong!
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I told him he was too young to be looking at that sort of stuff and if he does it again, he won't be allowed on the computer.
Did you explain WHY he is too young? Does he understand what is wrong with a thing that is so fascinating and intoxicating for him even at his age???

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I also asked him if he had any questions about anything he saw...he said 'no' of course.
With your attitude, it's no wonder he didn't want to discuss thing with you! I suppose you could have drawn him out if you really wanted to to see where he stands about porn and show him where you stand, etc.
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He didn't seem really embarrassed or anything. I had told both of my boys previously that their dad and I can see whatever they do on the net so I reminded him of that fact. At this point, I don't know what else to do.
IMO, you missed a perfect opportunity to get into a deep and educational discussion of the contents of porn and sex and help your son understand a few things and remove some of the guilt, shame and WRONGNESS surrounding a fact of life that you are never going to be able to block him from. Sorry you missed it!
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I feel angry...angry at myself for not having stricter parental controls on the computer he was on and angry about the fact that he found this stuff so easily.
Angry or FRIGHTENED?

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I haven't even gone back onto that computer to see exactly what he saw...I'm almost afraid to!
But you are the adult here! If you ever intend to help your son, you need to know what to help him with - like porn, sex, magazines, etc. Better check them out.

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I know he saw some videos and searched some terms like "hot girls" and one that broke my heart "man puts his wiener in a girls wiener"...My little boy! I feel like he's been violated!
Exactly how has he been violated by stuff he is going to be interested in and maybe wild about some day? Read some parenting books and HELP HIM!
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Old 06-09-2011, 12:59 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caught my 10 year old watching Porn

I believe the OP in this thread is long gone since it was posted in 2009
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