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Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me).
Together we read and even signed the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site.
I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.) She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.
She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are.
Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name!
I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her. It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet.
My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw; it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible by any means to our children.
Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.
She said it just popped up when she was on one of those 3d virtual worlds and she clicked on it. She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!
I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works. She is banned from all computers for a very very long time. I just don't know what to say to her now.
Unfortunately it is up to the parents to patrol what their kids find and watch the settings. I mean honestly who gets to decide what is and isn't ok? The government, the FCC, Christian groups? I mean TV is moderated - but only the broadcast channels (abc, cbs, etc.) but not the cable channels. Ever see what they play on movie channels after 10 pm - we can't expect the world to take care of our children - we have to do it.
Kids are introduced to sex younger and younger and not just from the internet. Do you know where she got the words to create her username from - that sounds like something she had potentially picked up from somewhere else before getting on the internet - and that probably made her curious enough to start looking around. She also knew she was where she shouldn't be - thus the hiding it and throwing a fit when she knew she was busted. I would talk to her about how she knew about those words and start building a path to where the base information is coming from AND to talk to her about sex in general and get her to come to you for her answers and not the internet. I'm in no means blaming you - just now that the issue is here, step in and have her direct her questions to you.
I wouldn't allow her to play with her 11 year old friend who had been setting bad examples with her behavior. She saw this girl two weeks ago under supervision. There was also 9 and 12 year old girls with them for about an hour and two of us parents were there. They were offering to take my daughter to meet a boy she thought was cute. Of course that was shot down immediately by me and the other girls mom.
She is really embarrassed now and I am going to talk to her about it. I mean this is the kid who covers her eyes when people kiss on tv. We don't allow her to watch anything over pg 13 and most of the stuff is Disney or such. The television has the parent control settings on it. I thought she was safe.
It's amazing how we try so hard to protect our kids and something still slips through to get to them. I guess you can't keep out all the bad from your childs life, that devil wants to get in somehow.
It's a different ballgame than when we were kids. Frightening it is. My dad had some Penthouse and Playboy that I came across at a young age. It really messed with my head. I got in trouble for looking at it when he found me and it was his stuff!! That didn't even begin to compare to the Internet porn kids can come across today. It's bad enough for a child to see seductive pictures of men and women, much less some of the disgusting images out there now. I'm sure I don't have a clue just how bad the stuff is. Frankly, I can't handle it. I can't imagine my children being able to handle it.
You know, the thing that scares me the most is we can only control what goes on in our own homes. We can get to know parents of other children, talk to them about such things, but you still don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Many parents hop on another computer somewhere and don't even worry about what the kids might be getting into. Parents need to ban together to fight against it. There need to be stricter regulations. There could've very easily been a pedophile waiting to prey on your innocent daughter in one of those chatrooms.
I know how you feel. I had to learn the hard way too. I'm a very protective mom. There's just so much out there, it's hard to keep them in check on everything without having them live in a bubble.
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
My first reaction was that you should consider the possibility that she has been subject to sexual advances somewhere or even something more serious, but then after reading your other post I came to the realization that it might just be you.
I'm sorry, but to me it sounds like you are over-reacting and trying to create some type of bubble for your child to live in.
She's a normal, healthy girl. Sure, you don't want her to spend all her days watching porn, but it happened. Just tell her that she's too young for that and move on. Sheesh!
I watched porn at that age (not the internet, but my dad's video tapes left lying around) and I like to think that I turned out somewhat normal.
Perhaps your over the top attempts to shield her from EVERYTHING has caused her to be even more curious and possibly rebelious in the future.
And I don't believe for a second your husband is THAT offended by porn unless he's a monk or something. C'mon!
By the way, just because it may SAY you are watching incest, doesn't mean you actually ARE.
just like when it says the girl is 19 and really it is a 35 year old in pig tails.
I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel. I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children!
I calmly went to my son and asked him if he looked at the stuff and he denied it. I knew for a fact that it was him so he knew looking at it was wrong...knew enough to lie to cover it up. I told him he was too young to be looking at that sort of stuff and if he does it again, he won't be allowed on the computer. I also asked him if he had any questions about anything he saw...he said 'no' of course. He didn't seem really embarrassed or anything. I had told both of my boys previously that their dad and I can see whatever they do on the net so I reminded him of that fact. At this point, I don't know what else to do. I feel angry...angry at myself for not having stricter parental controls on the computer he was on and angry about the fact that he found this stuff so easily. I believe he found it through advertisements off to the side of a game he was playing. I haven't even gone back onto that computer to see exactly what he saw...I'm almost afraid to! I know he saw some videos and searched some terms like "hot girls" and one that broke my heart "man puts his wiener in a girls wiener"...My little boy! I feel like he's been violated!
I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel. I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children!
Actually, I have 3 children.
And as for your thought that he was playing an innocent game and an evil ad led him to porn isn't too believable. It's rare to find porn ads anywhere but on porn sites. ..or or torrent sites (illegal file sharing).
My 4 year old is a wiz on the computer and he can navigate game sites with his eyes closed. I can tell you that those sites dont have ads up for porn on the side.
Face it, your boy is just like every other boy of that age: curious.
I know the net has made it easier for kids to find this stuff- and at younger and younger ages, but we have to remember: it is a normal curiosity.
Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet......
The blame falls on the parents because it is on the parents to control their kids internet activity. Just as you can deny access to certain sites and allow access to all other sites, you can allow access only to certain sites and deny access to all others.
That is what we are doing until our kids are old enough/make enough money to buy their own computers and pay for their own internet connections.
I DON'T WANT the internet or any aspect of life "monitored better".
Quote:
Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.
Bingo! How long have you been using the internet? The heads up is of course appreciated, but I would think everything you have said so far is common knowledge.
We have 4 kids and only the 4 year old and the 6 six year old are old enough to navigate the internet and the sites they can access are strictly controlled by us.
I know this is an old post, but thought I would share some.
I am going to have to side with Meriter here. Yes, we need to monitor, we need to do our part as responsable parents, but sounds like this MOM was doing what she could, it STILL happened, and will continue to happen IN LIFE outside of the home at times, other kids talking about sex acts in front of your child, sharing pictures, who knows what will come, but we can't confine them to a Bubble or sheild them completely from this world , unless of coarse you Home school them, which many parents are opting to do these days.
I also agree with Meriter that I bet the Husband is not as repulsed as the wife or worried and if he is , he IS in the minority of men who grew up quite normal , even when porn did play some part in their growing up years, even if just magazines. My husband had a collection of 300 Playboys when he was 12, hid it from his Mom very well, he is the most faithful loving man imaginable, never had any kind of sex addiction. He learned most of what he knew about pleasing me (and we waited till marraige to have sex even) from those magazines! But he never ever shared this with me until he felt more comfortable with me talking about sex. Men like to hide their porn well.
Your daughter is just Curious and WILL CONTINUE to be curious, it is best to not shame, but learn to be open about these things with her, allow her to share with you that she IS curious, and that is OK , you want her to come to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
This is one of the hardest things in the world for parents do deal with, their children's sexuailty.
If she really did make usernames as you said, with such vulgarity, I would guess she has been hiding ALOT already from you, for you to have this kind of SHOCK from this seemingly perfect child -raises many flags. And why looking at incestious things as well, I would say IF she was searching for this kind , it is out of the realm of normalcy, but maybe these just came along with some other site and she had NO control on what took over from that- kinda like a virus.
They will learn it somewhere. I would not read TOOO much into this, I have 6 kids, 5 are boys, my oldest and me talk about sex openly, he even shares his reluctance to NOT look at porn but he is " drawn to it" as a high testosterone male, he is still a virgin, a wonderful son. But it IS a battle and has been for years. I now have a younger son who has looked and I have yet to download something to block it, but I plan too, the husband made a little game of it when he discovered, took some of the things he saved & deleted & stuck them back on his desktop one day so he would freak out. (these things were nothing hard core, some were even sexual cartoons). I know, I know , this is serious, you Moms are thinking, but the husband almost didn't tell me this cause he didn't want ME embarass him!
My husband was adamant about him not being shamed--or I should say , not to ADD to his shame. I think he is right. I am more intererested in my son feeling he can come to us with sexual questions than feeling he has to HIDE everything from us. Maybe we are more OPEN than most, I don't doubt this.
MY oldest thought what his dad did was really funny. And again, he has turned out just fine, functionally normal male, and still wants to wait till marraige to even have sex. He is VERY open with us and I feel I did something right to have him come to this place mentally and freely with us as parents.
Just be careful to not completely destroy the diaglog between you and your daughter with this subject, she will always remember what just happend and how you re-acted and how terribly deeply shamed she felt in your presence. Trust me when I say she already FEELS shame, but is still curious. The last thing you want is her feeling this way for normal curiosity and making it a habit to hide all she is feeling from YOU because she felt so terribly & utterly shamed when you found out.
Just another perspective. Maybe we are TOO open with our kids, they are aware Mom & dad enjoys sex, and we have lots of books on the subject in our bedroom. Maybe We need more balance. This could be true, but sometimes we go TOO overboard in protecting them also.
*****Ironically I just had an hour long sex talk with this younger son, he came in the room while I was writing this, so thought now is a good time. It went very well, not too awkward, he said it was easier than he thought-talking to me, his mother. He asked me questions, he was honest, he even showed me some things on the net, how he struggles with this, how HE FEELS shame for looking, but that it IS good that we did not add to his shame. He wants something on the laptop to stop him from doing this. He wants to do the right thing. He did laugh about what we did , he was not sure Dad did that to his desktop that day, but it did freak him out. I think it was important that we CAN laugh a little about this. It is all about the learning, now we need to get down to business and start blocking.
Downloaded K-9 Web Protection the next day, this is free and works well, except it blocks too much, even YouTube, I unblocked that for him, we all enjoy You Tube around here for music.
Thanks for listening.
Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 02-03-2010 at 05:25 PM.
Reason: added sentence
Put the computer in the living room with the screen facing towards the middle of the room.
Periodically look at whats on the screen.
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I dread the day that my kids stumble upon this crap. I believe that the parents should do all they can to restrict access to their kids internet viewing, but it is way too easy for anyone of any age to look at porn on the internet. Basically, you are only limited by your imagination as to what you can search for and get for free. Thankfully, most kids have a limited knowledge and imagination when it comes to sex, but it is rapidly changing and at younger ages.
When I was 10, I didn't even remotely have a clue as to what porn was, much less sex. No child that yound should be exposed to something so graphic and distorted. There does need to be greater restrictions to access porn, but I'm not sure what the government can do other than have you enter your driver's license # in to prove your age or something like that.
Caught my 10 year old watching Porn
