why did you marry them knowing that their kids/ex's would be involved and you weren't really 100% committed to having to deal with the fall out from that. .
You are making lots of assumptions based upon your beliefs and value systems and what you believe to be, which may not be many others peoples reality or situation.
Might just be too, that your expecations and beliefs not only do not reflect mine but many others peoples and your not able to understand based on your lifes experinces. For one, It was well known by H and I both his EX would NEVER be involved with us.
Much more can be said but I think you get the picture.
Package deals are some peoples idea of marriage, we just dont have the same situation, kids or exs involved and did not marry to raise his kids ( I told his kids I had no intention to be their mother, but would welcome a friendship and they were glad about that as they told me they preffered it that way, that they did not want me or my husband to parent them as they said they will only listen to their mother, neither of us and ESPECCIALLY not be parented by me... I was ok with that too but I did not think they would turn that into being disrespectful to me and my Husband !!! neither did he !!!)
and also my husband was never able to co-parent his kids ( not kids as they were older) after his divorce as his ex ( bitter, evil, greedy, unfair woman that she is) would not allow them to make plans with him or even be a father to them
by doing things like constantly telling them he was a worthless scumbag who didn't even pay child support and abandon them
and they should only go over to his house and get money from him. ask for expensive things... and if he loved them, he would.
it was an impossible siutation for him... so we did not marry with any package deals....
we married more despite them and even their many attempts to divide us. So, it may be hard for some to understand due to their personal lifes expeiernces as well as lots of other things...
but package deal is not a reality for many people,
but I know people who believe thats how it works ( mostly single custodial mothers in the people I know)
and there is nothing wrong with that as we all have different
lives and beliefs...
but package deal concept is not something that was in our marriage.... in other words, the package was an angry bitter ex wife who wanted full control over her kids and their lives, willing to do anything to get their father out of the picture and turn them against him, spoiled unreasonable kids
but he asked me to please LOOK AT HIM, and give him a chance.
I did and he is a pretty good husband ( not perfect, but far better than most)
and we also didn't realize how bad his kids would get under their mothers total control and the huge sense of entitlement they would grow into, or how much like their mother they were and eager to use, hurt and manipulate others for personal gain.
Guess I'm trying to say, their mother got what she wanted
( by playing head games, lying and everything she could do) and created mindsets that "SHE" will now have to deal with.
One more year (even less actually) and his kids will BOTH be adults. So then they will have to move on to play these games with the people they date because we sure aren't going to.
Hope that makes sense... I do not mean any offense or personal attacks to you in explaining myself... but your views on what marriage is and package deals are different than my husbands and I have, and we have them for our own reasons with kids that are pretty nasty to be around.
Package deals are more along the lines ( at least in my mind) for younger people who marry with small children and blended familes)
Ours was never to become one as husbands ex did not want me or even their own father around the kids.
His ex was always trying to get her new boyfriends to act as a father figure, finally after 5 years she found someone, a man, but he has only agreed to move in, not marry her
I think maybe because he can't deal with those kids either? but not sure if thats the reason he won't marry her...
Package deal is more for younger people who have small kids or spouses who can be reasonable adults, things not present in OUR situation.