[flowerlady]

My Husband and I have been married for 8 years. He has 3 adult children, I have one. They are between the ages of 26-37. My dilemna is that My 27 year old Step Daughter has invited her WHOLE Family to have Thanksgiving at her new home. This, of course, will involve her Mother, my Husbands ex-wife. It doesn't really matter that it's a 6 hour drive for app. a dozen people. We have visited her and her Husband several times in the last couple of years. We both attend all the Birthday parties, etc. for our Grandkids by one of his Sons along with the ex-wife. I just keep my distance and usually functions are held outdoors, which gives both of us plenty of room to avoid each other. Don't dis-like her, but don't choose to spend my time around her unless absolutely neccesary. I think that it's very rude and inconsiderate of her to put us in this position. We would much prefer visiting the day after, weekend after, etc. My Husband told me about her invitation and I told him it would be a cold day in **** before I spent My Thanksgiving in the same house as his ex-wife. He now says he CAN'T say NO to his kids~~~Guilt because their Mother left Him????? when they were early teenagers~~~ opinions???

[Atholk]

This is going to be a hugely important day for your step-daughter hosting Thanksgiving in her new home. She's not trying to screw anyone over, she's just stepping up to this special role of hosting Thanksgiving.

Right now the thing she's worried about the most isn't the turkey going wrong, it's how her mother and step-mother are going to get along. But she can't not invite either one because they are too important, and the fallout from not inviting someone would be extreme to say the least.

When you go... and you must go, because not attending is going to be a huge snubbing insult to your step-daughter, go with grace and dignity. It's your step-daughters show, so follow her lead and ask if she needs help with anything. Help out happily even if the task is below your usual skill set and responsiblity for a Thanksgiving dinner. Set the table, make the salad. Whatever.

And find something in all this to be... well you know... thankful for.


And no harm in dressing better/hotter than the ex-wife... just don't draw attention to it lol.

[Sven]

It was appropriate to invite the entire family and you need to play it respectfully. Just smile and say nothing if you've nothing nice to say.

Good luck with it - the joy of mixed families I guess....

[swedish]

I have to agree with the other responses. Adults or not, I wouldn't expect my kids to have 2 of everything just to keep me/my husband separate from my ex & his wife. Even now, I give them my kids' sports, concert, etc. schedules and I know they are thrilled on the rare occasions my ex and his wife attend as well.

[flipflop]

I'm a step daughter. Both my mother and father are remarried. My father left my mother when I was a kid for another woman. There were many years of anger and separate this and that.

Now I have children and I don't want my children to worry about tensions between my parents and I don't want to have to hold 2 of everything to keep them apart (because, in addition to the divorce situation, I also have inlaws). Fortunately, my parents are in a much better place and are no longer at odds. I know it is a little uncomfortable for my step father and step mother when we all come together, in our case, for Christmas Eve. I greatly appreciate their willingness to be around their spouses exes. It means so much to me to have my entire family together (step parents included). My children don't get that it's a big deal for all of us to celebrate together and I love that.

I thought hearing about this type of situation from a step child might be helpful to you. I'm guessing your step daughter already has concerns about how her mom and dad are going to interact. By being gracious, you will help to give your step daughter fond memories rather than creating more worry. You will be giving your step daughter a big gift. Try to rise above it. The people that get most hurt when their are issues between parents and step parents are the kids, even if they are adults.

I hope you have a happy holiday.

[michzz]

Try your best to get beyond your dislike. You don't have to socialize with your husband's ex-wife. However, I agree, it would be unnecessarily insulting to not go to your stepdaughter's Thanksgiving meal.

Do you really want to escalate negativity in the family you willingly joined?

You should go, and not feel as though you have to do any chores. You will be a guest.

I'm incline to think that Thanksgiving Day should be about a lot more than wives and ex-wives.

Don't you?