Dan's side: 2nd marriage housing expense conflict
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Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 01-14-2010, 04:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Dan's side: 2nd marriage housing expense conflict

Linda and I met at a single's dance. Both of us had been single for 10 years. I called Linda for a date that was accepted. On the 1st date I was disappointed to learn Linda was a smoker. Linda indicated she wanted to quit so we dated again. On the 3rd date we both indicated to each other we were looking for a life long partner. In an attempt to be up front I indicated I had 3 items or needs I was looking for in a mate. I wanted a non-smoker, a Christian and I wanted to live in the house I owned. With these guidelines in place we continued to date and eventually married.
Our problems is finances. Linda has her own revocable living trust (I am not a part of) and I have my own revocable living trust (she is not a part of). Linda owns 9 rental units and her home that she moved from which she rents (mostly debt free). I own my home and 4 rental units (mostly debt free).

We are both retired.

Linda's portfolio is larger than mine. My portfolio was larger than Linda's, but remodeling my home ($55,000) before we moved in (my cost) and with a down stock market, my portfolio became smaller, but both are OK.

Both Linda and I pay our own maintenance cost on our properties (nothing is shared).

1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.).
Is this right?

2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units.
Is this right?

My thinking being, should I decide to rent my home and pocket the profits, which would be a minimum of $4,500.00/year. We would then have to rent or buy something together which would cost us much more the $400.00 per month that I am asking Linda to share.

3.) I know it appears I, or we, are putting finances ahead of our love for one another. I do not feel this is the case. I love Linda. I try to do favors for her on her rentals, I wash my own clothes and I clean the kitchen every morning. I also help with the cooking. I feel the request I am making for her to share is fair and honest.
Am I right or wrong?

It would be nice if some men would respond. Linda put her side of the problem on the forum (Posted 11-8-09), only women responded.

Please respond. Thanks.

Dan
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Old 01-14-2010, 04:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dan's side: 2nd marriage housing expense conflict

I am male 47 - married 3 kids.

If you rented out your house - and then the 2 of you rented a place - are you saying that the cost of a rental/utilities/etc would be more then $800/month. Because remember - she would only be responsible for half. If you could rent a comparable place together for $800/month including utilities then your request for $400 is fair. If a comparable place would only cost $600 - then $300/month from her is fair.

Do each of you pay half of all the other bills? Or maybe - does each of you buy all of your own stuff including your own food?

Are you actually willing to do that? Meaning are you willing to rent out your home and move into a rental with her?




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Originally Posted by Linda3775 View Post
Linda and I met at a single's dance. Both of us had been single for 10 years. I called Linda for a date that was accepted. On the 1st date I was disappointed to learn Linda was a smoker. Linda indicated she wanted to quit so we dated again. On the 3rd date we both indicated to each other we were looking for a life long partner. In an attempt to be up front I indicated I had 3 items or needs I was looking for in a mate. I wanted a non-smoker, a Christian and I wanted to live in the house I owned. With these guidelines in place we continued to date and eventually married.
Our problems is finances. Linda has her own revocable living trust (I am not a part of) and I have my own revocable living trust (she is not a part of). Linda owns 9 rental units and her home that she moved from which she rents (mostly debt free). I own my home and 4 rental units (mostly debt free).

We are both retired.

Linda's portfolio is larger than mine. My portfolio was larger than Linda's, but remodeling my home ($55,000) before we moved in (my cost) and with a down stock market, my portfolio became smaller, but both are OK.

Both Linda and I pay our own maintenance cost on our properties (nothing is shared).

1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.).
Is this right?

2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units.
Is this right?

My thinking being, should I decide to rent my home and pocket the profits, which would be a minimum of $4,500.00/year. We would then have to rent or buy something together which would cost us much more the $400.00 per month that I am asking Linda to share.

3.) I know it appears I, or we, are putting finances ahead of our love for one another. I do not feel this is the case. I love Linda. I try to do favors for her on her rentals, I wash my own clothes and I clean the kitchen every morning. I also help with the cooking. I feel the request I am making for her to share is fair and honest.
Am I right or wrong?

It would be nice if some men would respond. Linda put her side of the problem on the forum (Posted 11-8-09), only women responded.

Please respond. Thanks.

Dan
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Old 01-14-2010, 04:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dan's side: 2nd marriage housing expense conflict

My math mind is bent all out of shape on this one. May I ask if this is putting a large strain on your relationship? Is $400 per month worth the resentment and anger it may be causing?

What types of expenses do you share? If Linda didn't share the $160.00 per month of profit (because I personally think the $240.00 per month living expenses is a no brainer - if she's living there, she should share in those), where would that money go? Would it be used to finance trips together? Joint health care costs? What about end of life issues? If all of this "profit" will go to the surviving spouse later, what's the issue now?

I'm glad to hear that you're not putting your finances above your love (although honestly at first and second reading, it sure seems like it ;-) ). My biggest question would be if you're wanting to share the profits and expenses in such a structured and businesslike way, why not amalgamate your whole financial lives and have it done? What are you both afraid of?
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Last edited by Alexandra; 01-23-2010 at 01:34 PM.
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Old 01-15-2010, 03:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dan's side: 2nd marriage housing expense conflict

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Originally Posted by Linda3775 View Post

1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.).
Is this right?
I'm not sure what the correct number is, but I would say that is fair if she is making a profit on the house she moved out of to live with you. If it is vacant, it would be in her better interest to live in it than to pay rent to you, except for the fact you are married! but I would be flexible (ie not charge if her place is not rented out)
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Originally Posted by Linda3775 View Post
2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units.
Is this right?
I'd have to say no way on this one. I assume you are not sharing any profits from your rentals and it sounds as though you've both agreed to keep your previous assets separate.

I also don't agree with your argument about if you rented. You did not leave this option on the table from the get go...you said your house was the only option.
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