my husband has the same problem with me. he pays for everything i see that, i work but we have labeled my income as supplemental income. at one point he wanted a joint account i wasn't ready, now i am. everytime i spend i tell him everything i do and he always probably out of guilt or some need to provide, offers to reimburse the money. I believe in keeping your word and i ask him for the money he offers. if he didn't offer i wouldn't ask. when i had i good job i never asked for anything then i got a job that paid minimum wage part time hours and needed help. not i'm in transition to having 2 part time jobs good pay and a promotion. so i'm just awitng for the finances to add up. i do plan to help. but 5 years down the line of him having to shoulder everything financially, he is bitter and angry and it feels like there is nothing i can do to make him feel better. i put a plan into place to put in money toward all the bills so he is not paying for it all. i told him not to help me with my credit card bills anymore and i split up all the chores. he is bitter also because he has been the one waking up every night to take care of our now 8 month. i went through post partum which im forcing myself out of. I know if he is not around i still will have to push myself out of this. he doesn't even know how depressed i am. i tried killing myself one night he was gone. but i would never tell him because he would put me down more. he doesn't appreciate anything i do. i clean i cook, i learned how to cook for him. i'm not perfect, the house has to be clean or i get put down and complained about. i'm forcing myself to have this drive that i don't have. and if i try to talk to him about it he tells me to grow up. i have him to thank for helping me grow up unfortunately i had no one to teach me anything about life. i feel so behind and i hate the way i feel and i hate that i'm so exposed to him and it makes me feel so useless and unvaluable. What am i here for other to be a problem and financial burden to him no matter what i do to try to help its never enough because he brings in so much more and he knows so much more and he does so much more. How do i fix this. How do i do my part. How do i feel valuable and wanted by him again. He hates that i smoke but its the only thing that keeps my emotions at bay.
Just to let everyone know, this is an old thread that UNLOVEABLE replied to with her issues. Unloveable, it would be better to start a new thread, as I see that many are responding to the OP query from 2010 instead of your post from 2013.
In response to your situation, it seems that your husband has built up resentment from your years of not contributing. I recognize this, as this is how I feel in my situation, where I have been the primary breadwinner. In addition, he really made a mess of the finances which I have taken over and am sorting out for the last 10 months. Made a budget and sticking to it, paying off most expensive debts first etc. He has stepped up to the plate and is earning and contributing more than he has in the past. I don't expect him to contribute more than he is capable of, but I do expect him to work his a$$ off like I do to earn the maximum that he can. Now that I see him doing this, he is earning back my respect and trust. So my advice to you is just do it, and your husband's trust will come back slowly. It's not an overnight thing, especially since the resentment builds up over time.
Secondly, you are not useless and invaluable. And most certainly, you are not UNLOVEABLE
You are just going through a rough spot right now. Recognize this, shake yourself off, and keep going, one foot in front of the other*. You also need to recognize that your husband does not make you feel this way. You let yourself feel this way. This does not excuse his behaviour if he is being mean or uncharitable, but that's on his back/conscience, not yours. Do not accept this from him, and let him sort this out.
*If you are spiritual, (continue to) pray throughout the day, be open to his will (you might not get what you ask for but your prayers will be answered as he sees fit). Give your burdens to Jesus and ask his mother, Mary, to intercede for you, and mother you, while you grow some more. They love you, even when you find it hard to love yourself. Think of their loving arms around you whenever you feel low and give thanks, always, even for the small things.