I pay for everything, yet it's still not good enough for my wife
This is my first time posting here. I really wish I didn't have to come here but at this point don't quite know what to do, short of contacting a counselor.
Recently my wife and I have been having this stupid fights over money; how much we should be spending and how much I should be giving to her.
I work full-time and have a good salary. My wife currently doesn't work because she's a full-time student at a business school. Needless to say, I pay for everything; rent, electricty, both our cellphone services, groceries, etc. She just pays for her tuition and materials related to school and whatever personal things she wanna get for herself.
Couple of years ago before my wife began business school, she had a full-time job that earned her 45k annually. When she told me she'd like to save her money to be able to go back to school, I agreed to support her decision and to shoulder all our living expenses so that she can save all her earnings from that job to pay for school. I figured I made twice of what she made ,so we should be fine. So we made an agreement; I will pay for rent, electricity, heat, phone bills, groceries, anything needed for our daily life. Free from any financial contributions for our daily living, she'll be able to save as much money as possible from her salary that she can apply towards school. In return, we agreed that she will not make any unreasonable $$ demands from me concerning expenditures for anything outside of school or living expenses.
So the problem is this... My wife gives me attitude whenever she feels I don't give her enough money for whatever, and feels she should always be entitlted to half of everything I bring home. I have no problem giving my wife anything she needs as long as it's within reason, since she currently have no income. At one point I felt bad and decided I will give her a weekly allowance of $40-60/week... she still has money for any spending, but I felt she could use a little extra. Unfortunately I cannot do this regularly due to other debts I need to make timely payments on.
My problem is, knowing that she contributes no $$ to our daily expenses, she somehow feels that she's still entitled to half of whatever I bring home, which I find very unfair... I work my ass off so that she can live comfortably in a nice apartment that she never has to pay for, spend what money she has for school, commute or whatever else she wants to spend it on. Meanwhile, I make a good salary but most of it goes towards paying our rent, credit card debts, etc. so having a strict budget is really important. God forbid that I suddenly lose my job, then what will we do?
Recently we filed for our taxes and we're blessed with a nice return. Now according to my tax preparer, my wife gets $2,500 back because she's a full time student, my dependent and has no income... now, call me crazy but getting 2 grand back and not have a job is pretty damn good... I remember for years prior I was lucky to get anything close to that amount... and I was working! Be that as it may, being the sole income earner in my household and the only one who pays bills, the remaining portion of the return is about twice what she got and was entitled to me. This is what upset her... she felt that I should've divided the total down the middle, 50/50 and she should've gotten half regardless.
I failed to mention that my wife also has this problem of not listening or paying attention to what I tell her; I've said repeatedly "I dont' really know how much we'll get back, if any. We'll find out after the tax guy processes our paperwork... besides, I've been giving you larger portions than what you're supposed to get anyway, sometimes half of what I get back." Like I said, she doesn't listen or pay attention to what I say, so apparently what she got out of that conversation was "I'll give you half no matter what." She accuses me of suddenly changing my mind, hence the argument ensues once again concerning money.
So, I dunno what to do here. We have arguments like this often and each time it's like the topic is brand new to her. I told her if she wants things to be 50/50, then she needs start contributing to our daily expenditures and the rent. Alas, she has no job. For years, even when she had a job I paid for everything 100% and never asked her for anything. Sometimes the financial burden gets too heavy and I had to ask her for help, but usually I paid her back as soon as possible.
She's told me I'm being unreasonable and I'm made to feel guilty about this whole thing. I'm sick of having this argument repeatedly.
So am I unreasonable? Am I greedy? Should I have been giving her what she wanted, no matter what the cirumstances are?