Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
Where to start...
Hubby's work has been VERY slow for quite a while. He's worried we'll have to sell the house.
The problem IS: He #1 wants us to uproot everything and move to Europe, because he has it in his mind it'll be the "land of opportunity" for him. (The one country he wants to go to, has the same or higher rate of unemployment as here, and the other country is just STARTING to come out of a recession...)...So we'd have to sell off everything, and take a chance he'd find work there. I DON'T LIKE THIS OPTION.
Second option: He'd have to sell this house, and rent an apartment. Sounds good so far? NO... He'd have to quit this job entirely probably, because he'd have nowhere to store his work truck at an apartment, and if work is THAT BAD at his job, he wouldn't be able to make rent, either.
Third problem: being a European immigrant to Canada, he has lost any proof he finished High School in Europe, and has no resume. So he only has his word to give a potential new employer. [Whether it would be here or in Europe] He Doesn't want to take a truck driving course, because he says it'll put him more into the hole with no guarantee of work.
Meantime, he has NOT tried to look at the want ads, or into any course, or into renting an apartment. He has NOT tried to sell off his expensive sport boat, and keeps paying off it's payments and insurance. He keeps his $300 a month smoking and alcohol habit, and yet has a conniption when he sees me using pennies worth of extra lighting in a room so his daughter can play.
I'm so frustrated!
What would be the best option, do you think? My sister said MAYBE we could find an apartment that would accomodate his work truck...
But truthfully? I don't think he will be happy unless he gets what he wants (Moving to Europe)...And even then he will find some reason to regret it after that.
He can't put he finish HS on his resume and still send it out? I didn't think companies really ask to see your HS diploma, new to me.
He need to send out resume before moving back. See if he find a job 1st. Your sister is right find a place that will accommodate his work truck. You can start looking since he don't want to. Posted via Mobile Device
I don't know anyone who has ever had to show proof that they finished high school. They mark that they did and that's the end of it.
As for truck driving....my boyfriend is an otr truck driver. Truthfully, truck driving is one career in which he would have very little difficulty finding work. However, to make the really good money, he has to go otr (over the road). He will be gone, at a minimum, 2-4 weeks at a time, and only home for 2-4 days. He will be driving all day, dealing with horrible drivers who cut him off, hover next to him, and generally drive him insane. He'll miss out on lots of things with the kids, and in an emergency, won't be there. He can get there, but he won't be there almost instantly. That said, with the right company and some serious dedication to busting butt, he can make good money doing it. Which means that if his true desire is going to Europe, truck driving won't work for him.
I can definitely see where you are coming from. You don't want to uproot your family and move to another country in the hope that he'll get a job there. At the same time, though, sometimes you do have to make a drastic change in order to make things better.
One thing you might consider pointing out to him: money is so tight he's worried you'll have to sell the house. How does he propose to pay to move to Europe? It's going to be very expensive. You'll have to pay to move all your stuff over there. Or if you don't take your stuff, then you'll have to pay to replace it all. Either way, it's going to require money.
I don't know how big your house is, so I don't know if this is an option for you, but perhaps you can take on a roommate? Maybe you have a relative who needs a place to stay while getting back on their feet after a divorce or job loss or something that could stay with you guys and contribute financially to the household. Or a friend.
Other than that, I think your sister is right that you might find an apartment that will accommodate his work truck. Might have to look longer than you would otherwise, but I'm sure they're out there.
Yes, OTR trucking means over the road trucking. It means they go everywhere. Where everywhere is depends on the company they work for. My boyfriend's company, everywhere is all 48 contiguous states, with a concentration on the upper third of the US from coast to coast. Another company he worked for was everything east of the Rockies and into Canada. There are also regional otr drivers, who drive in a specific area, say the SE US, or the NE US, and are home more often. And there are dedicated routes, which means driving the same load for the same customer everytime, going from say Miami, FL to Los Angeles, CA. Dedicated routes pay pretty darn good, but mostly to make the good money, you need one that goes everywhere. Regional doesn't pay well at all, but they get home more.
If he shoots down all your options, make him suggest some of his own, and start shooting them down if you can find the arguments against them.
I have NO IDEA what money he has in his account, and no idea what his bills come to every month, because he won't show them to me. I have his debit card to pay for what we need in groceries and such, so I "could" technically go to his bank's ATM and check his balance, but that would NOT look good on security video...LOL
I DO ask him to make suggestions. But then he always sticks to the Europe move, or else he says he'll try to stick it out with the present job. (But then complains EVERY DAY about the job, and drinks to drown out his stress).
I'm trying to decide that myself!
He doesn't drink a lot QUANTITY-wise per day, but it really hits him.
He's "loopy" pretty much every day. I found out only recently he's been hiding beers in the garage. (He admitted it).
Look up a local Alanon meeting and go to it. See if you identify with the people there. If so, they can help you with a game plan. If he is an alcoholic, you'll get better advise from them than from anyone else, because the alcohol will always be in the way.
I believe my first decision would be whether to stay in this marriage. It doesn't even sound like you have a partnership. If you are facing losing a house and his first priority is to spend money on a boat, cigarettes, and alcohol, you've got a huge problem.
If he is drinking to that extent, I seriously doubt he could last long with a trucking company. You mention his work truck, but we are only making assumptions. It could be a dually, a tow truck, an 18 wheeler, or a delivery van. Does he have his CDL (driver's license)? That would be a requirement here in the US as well.
What is a CDL license? He has taken no courses for truck driving...
I've put my foot down and left him 3 times already over the drinking.
He quits for up to 3 weeks or so at a time, then starts again.
Oh...I see what you mean...His WORK truck only requires a regular license.