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Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 01-30-2011, 12:42 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

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Originally Posted by Mrs Tina View Post
first i have to say I NEVER SAID THAT HE SHOULD NOT PAY WHAT HE OWES. And i would get a job with no problem but i have no one to watch my son and i know some of you moms are saying daycare but my son is 8 month old and can not talk and tell me if someone dose something to him so that is not an option for me.I do not have any family were we stay to help me out and watch my son and another thing my husband is not a dead beat dad the time he didnt pay child support was because he was out of work. he has always taken care of his kids or we who not have a baby together I would not be with him if he was cause my dad paid child support but never try to have a relationship with me but i know for some women it all about the money and trying to hurt the man but his ex wife didnt have to do it all by her self my husband was very active in rising his kids and still till this day if he has it his kids can get it. he had his kids ever summer until there last years in high school. I didnt know he owe a big amount in back child support when we got together because he was paying current child support then. He ex has never had to be on walfare or anything like that she has always made good money and when my husband was with her and after he was making good money to so the two kids has never had to go with out. And i have said to myself what would i do if i was her and personaly i would not want the money at this point cause my kids are doing great and i make good money and i would not want anybody doing this to me so i would say F*** the money it is only people who what to hurt the other person who wants the money. So to all the moms out their who feel like your kids father owes you something you are worng because the only thing that should matter is the child but people dont thing like that and when you dont your only hurting the child cause their the one that matters
We were responding to moonangel - not you. The kids father owes the kids something - not the mother. Child support is to go for raising the child. If my ex were to hand over the money right now that he owes me it would go into a college savings fund for her. I don't ask about it anymore and I don't push it. I haven't turned him into the state or anything else, because he at least is involved in his daughters life.
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Old 01-30-2011, 01:45 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

If times are tough and it sounds like your husband has not found full-time work and with an 8-month old you cannot work now ... I would suggest both cutting the cable and visiting the County Human Services office where you live to ask about food stamp benefits, etc. to help you thru this time?

I know some people will not want to receive benefits, but think of how many years you and your husband paid taxes when you worked - now times are tough, you may need help and you deserve it. Financial pressure can be a big strain on your marriage.
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Old 01-30-2011, 09:49 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Tina -- the responses about child support weren't directed at you. That was in response to Moonangel. Obviously no one here can know your entire situation, or the ex's situation.

I can certainly understand that you are concerned and its putting a financial strain on you guys. Do you know what the balance is that he owes on the backpay?? ( you don't have to share the balance with us, but is it pretty huge or is it smaller?)
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Old 02-13-2011, 09:58 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Mrs. Tina,
Don't be angry at the posters who didn't side with your point of view. All of us are speaking from various life's experiences. Think of it this way: if (God forbid) you and your husband split, would you have the same thoughts about child support? Would you be willing to forego child support payments for your son, especially if he remarries and fathers yet another child? I'm sure you would feel quite differently, and probably tell him he needs to find job #3 to make sure he can pay child support for your son.
This is how you will have to come to understand the situation. Don't be angry at the ex-wife or mother of your husband's other children, no matter how much money she makes. Your husband fathered all of these children and he is at least 50% responsible for their financial needs. Period. The fact that he is now married to you with another son makes no difference, I'm sorry to say. Think about the hypothetical example I gave. And trust me, arrearages and requests for child support modification aren't always the fix you think they are. Got a tax refund coming? Not! Wave that bye-bye. The only answer to this situation is to find ways of adding to your joint income and lowering your living expenses, as difficult as that may seem.
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Old 02-15-2011, 05:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
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You are using the excuse that your child is a baby and can't talk to tell you if something is happening..and that is a cop-out. Many, many mothers feel that way (as did I) but you don't have the luxury of that kind of thinking now. Your household needs money.
There are many, MANY excellent day care providers. You have to do your homework ahead of time. Visit unannounced. Check out every nook and cranny. But using the excuse that you don't trust anyone with your child (which is effectively what you're saying) is BS.

You're just wanting the ex to forgive the child support debt. And she's not going to. So that throws the ball back into your financial court. You can cut out all but the bare necessities, and hope that you have enough money...or you can get a job. It's really that simple.
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Old 02-17-2011, 04:02 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Why does your husband only earn $500/month?
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:05 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Well, I am a mother who does not get any child support and it is very hard. I have 3 children to support on my own dime, and it is rough.
However, I believe child support should be a fair amount. In my state several things matter if you want to get things changed, and it needs to be done in writing. How far back does he owe? That may make a difference, I can tell you right now, my older children are 9 & 10 and Ive not seen child support for them ever, so my ex pretty much owes us a down payment for a new house, or a fully paid new car. If it is causing you to not be able to afford your own cost of living, you may be able to have it adjusted but again it needs to be a written request sent certified mail. Are you working as well? I don't mean to be rude in asking, just that for the time being, if you're not, maybe you will need to until he's caught up.
But seriously, Id see how far back he owes, the dollar amt left, and calculate the time period of how long its going to last. Cause if he's paying back pay he's paying a higher amount than the set monthly amt right?
Good luck to you, I sympathize with you because raising a young baby is costly, but I also can sympathize with the mother who has not gotten any child support in what may be a long time. It is very tough on both ends. Its a sacrifice that you will need to be able to support your husband with. Its that part in marriage that you claim to stick to him by when you say "for better or for worse". And financially, this may be the worst. I know, because my husband is leaving me 8 months pregnant for almost the same thing (among some other things).
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:32 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Sakaye, have you gone to United Way for help?
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Old 02-21-2011, 02:30 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Sakaye, have you gone to United Way for help?
turnera I have not. I live in Hawaii and resources where I live is sparse. I know of United Way, of course here its called Aloha United Way lol. Is that something I could do online? I suppose I can check. Thank you, but if you know offhand, what do they assist with?
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Old 02-21-2011, 07:39 AM   #25 (permalink)
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The way I understand it, they can help you get access to the resources in your area.
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Old 02-21-2011, 11:38 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Hello first thank you for reading this. First let me give you a little info on me and my husband. This is my first marriage and his third. We have a 8 month old son and my husband has two other kids that are 19 and 20. Now the issue is he has back childsupport that he pays it come out of his check every two weeks half of his check goes to childsupport. My problem is that my husband is bringing home $200.00 every other week and he dose have a little side job that gives him $170.00 a week but that is not enought to cover everything that we need are current rent is $835.00 a month and the lights and gas is about $150.00 a month and the cable is a$100.00 a month now if you add that up with what he bring home you can see that we cant spend a dime cause it all goes to bills and I have not even bought food or household supplies or things for the baby. I have talked to my husband about the childsupport over and over and ask him to put in the paper work to get the payments lowered but nothing has changed I asked him to get a lawyer and still nothing we have argue about this sever times i dont know what else to do i am tried of this the ex wife that is getting the back childsupport payment makes $2500.00 a month and eitheir of there kids stay with them. Now i am not in any way saying that he should not pay what he owes I want him to pay just want it to be fare cause he dose have a son that is not even a year old that he needs to provide for. This is to the point where I am thing about leaving because he is not handling his buisness. If anyone has a sugustion please give it to me cause I am at my last string
Is he open to getting a second job, and are you open to getting a full-time job to work off shifts so that your child's care could be covered? I guess if you leave, you could receive welfare and would then be forced into a full time job in accordance with welfare guidelines. Divorce will cost you and him. Unfortunately, that makes it even more likely you'd run into the same problem of not getting paid child support, since he can't even keep up with what he has now. So you will be in a worse situation than his ex, even more horrible if he gets another woman and has more children. Maybe you can both work on the first question instead? It's very hard. I feel for you.
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Old 03-07-2011, 03:46 PM   #27 (permalink)
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turnera I have not. I live in Hawaii and resources where I live is sparse. I know of United Way, of course here its called Aloha United Way lol. Is that something I could do online? I suppose I can check. Thank you, but if you know offhand, what do they assist with?
I would try the county first, or as well. They offer all the entitlement benefits availabole thru the govt.
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Old 03-09-2011, 08:09 PM   #28 (permalink)
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My suggestion is this:

1. Child support is an obligation and anything in arrears is considered a debt. I am not sure if these debts collect interest (I don't think they do) but it is a debt nonetheless. I know it exists out there in the form of a "Judgment" so when they go to do a credit check on you to get a house, get a car, my hunch is it may show up and you end up paying higher interest for the car, further compounding the problem. Or you are simply denied the loan.

2. Like anyone in debt, he/you both should try to work on a financial plan to retire the debt. The lucky thing is, it sounds like, once it's retired, it's retired. In my state of NJ, the father is on the hook until age 26 if they are going to college (I expect to chip in for college anyway and am trying to scrimp and invest wisely).

Many people get in debt and get out of it. It will require some sacrifice of either time or commodities (like cable). It may require a second job for 1-2 years but you'll both feel better once the debt/obligation is satisfied.

Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman are popular financial gurus you can consult. I just read an interesting book "How to Cut Your Grocery Bill in Half" also that demonstrated, if you really work at it, you can save $3000-5000/year on your grocery bill. (it was written by that couple that scour the supermarkets with a pair of walkie-talkies).
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:19 PM   #29 (permalink)
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My husband has two kids from his previous marriage. They are 15 and 13. He has 50/50 custody which means the kids go back and forth week to week. (With us Sunday-Sunday then with mom Sunday-Sunday and so on) He has to pay child support and has been since the divorce 13 years ago. It is not a large amount of money but my husband has been through a lot of tough times financially when he was a single dad and we have had alot of tough times financially during our marriage when he/we really needed it. It just doesn't seem fair that he has to pay when kids are with him same amount of time as with her. She is just as capable of making money as he is and she does have a decent job now. He was also ordered to be the one to provide health insurance. He's thought about going to court to try to have it lowered or canceled but is afraid judge will just order more since he starting to make decent money. Plus, several years ago when husband took ex to court for full custody, judge wanted to hear testimony from the kids first before hearing about any evidence husband had. Based off what kids said, judge pretty much said he was goin to leave custody the same and if husband continued with case and presented evidence, judge might up the child support
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Old 05-11-2011, 12:50 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Yes this man needs to support his kids. If there is back due support, then it is reimbursing his ex for all the money she spent entirely supporting their kids.

That being said, if new wife gets a job, will the courts come after her salary too?

Or not cause it is just now back due support?
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