Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
The money goes to the mom because she is the one who supported the kids when HE should have been contributing. She probably went into debt and made huge sacrifices b/c often that is the only way a person can make ends meet when a partner ends up being a dead-beat. She would not have been able to save money for emergencies-or for retirement--or for travel, or whatever she wanted--because she had to pay HIS share of child support as it was needed. Would it be better to just let him off the hook and assume financial responsibility--as tax payers--for the mom who sacrificed her health and retirement in order to support kids when dad wasn't contributing? Or is it best to let the individual responsible for the debt repay it, since it was his responsibility in the first place?
Seriously, who cares if she earns $2500/month, or $10K/month? HE OWES THE MONEY. She footed ALL the bills when he didn't pay. And maybe the kids never even knew how much she has to sacrifice. I don't ever mention to my kids when their dad refuses to contribute.
And just because he was NOT working then, it does not mean he is free of this obligation.
This complaint is pretty screwed up, frankly, because the problem is not that the ex gets back child-support, it is that the husband involved has a poor work history and poor earning record. Maybe that is his fault/his choice (he didn't then, and doesn't now, want to pay the money), or maybe it isn't. But to blame the system that protects kids, or to blame the ex--who fed and raised those kids when she had no help, or to try to shift this burden to ANYONE but their father--is just whack, IMHO.
She is just as capable of making money as he is and she does have a decent job now. He was also ordered to be the one to provide health insurance. He's thought about going to court to try to have it lowered or canceled but is afraid judge will just order more since he starting to make decent money. Plus, several years ago when husband took ex to court for full custody, judge wanted to hear testimony from the kids first before hearing about any evidence husband had. Based off what kids said, judge pretty much said he was goin to leave custody the same and if husband continued with case and presented evidence, judge might up the child support
So basically, HIS children should be reduced to living at the level she (ex wife) can afford, regardless of his earnings? He has no obligation to support his children at the level of his earnings? He did not have to consider that he already HAD two children to support before he remarried and added anothe rchild to the mix? His previous children should be deprived ENTIRELY of the increase in his earnings so that you and he and your child can be the sole beneficiaries? How the heck does that look to his kids, who can see that nothing matters to dad but his new family (if your point of view predominates). If you think his kids won't realize that they are losing out because you want your child to have MORE than the 1/3 of their dad's earnings (so to speak) to which it is entitled, think again. If you want the half-siblings to care about one another, then do the right thing by the older kids. Geez, twice in one thread I see people--women--acting like children from a previous marriage are somehow less important. Great attitude.
My hubby has 2 kids from a previous relationship. We get along alright---not into those posts where they HATE the step-kids---you knew what you were getting into---thats another story! He owes past due support b/c he was on unemployment and when he got off it, he did not take money aside to pay for it after getting off the unemployment! I am ALL for paying and supporting his children--!00%---our income is tight---but we make do. What I don't understand is all the trips, NEW 300 dollar prom dresses (every yr), and we are EXPECTED TO pay for all this, oh yeah and the child support as well. My step-daughter just turned 17 and she has her license--yeah! If her mother would teach her to "save for" or how to wisely spend money--our life would be much happier! Because if my hubby says no to his kids---you can believe that crazy-mom will be leaving HATE-MAIL on his phone (about him, me , our daughter). The worst part is that he doesnt want to confront her about it---that pisses me off (he should stand up for us--I think)..I believe if he stands up to her and sets some ground-rules----then she would ask nicely for some money for things besides the child support---I don't get it---We would have no problem giving much more than the child support requires but its the way the wack-o, crazy Witch goes about asking for it!! What to do?
Good for you, success, in supporting the need to pay child support. And you are totally entitled to resent demands above child support. If you have a good relationship with step-D, have a talk with her about respecting her dad's right to make a free choice about "extras," and explain that it would be better if SHE came directly to dad to discuss extras rather than having her mom make demands.
You could also consider having h deal only with his SD and getting an RO against the ex if she continues to harrass your family. In another year, he will NEVER have to talk with his ex. Getting in the habit of dealing directly with his daughter NOW is a good idea.
Of course, your ability to effect change is very limited (other than talking to SD, if the relationship is strong), so you may have to learn to let this pass. Maybe tell h that you no longer want to hear about it--why hear it if you can't do anything about it? Put aside XX amount each month for "extras" and he agrees to limit his giving to this; that way, you don't need to know more.
Hello first thank you for reading this. First let me give you a little info on me and my husband. This is my first marriage and his third. We have a 8 month old son and my husband has two other kids that are 19 and 20. Now the issue is he has back childsupport that he pays it come out of his check every two weeks half of his check goes to childsupport.
I do not know if this take was already presented. But here it is
- You are his THIRD wife. He has mucked this up twice before
- He is paying BACK child support which means he did not support his children when he was supposed to.
- He brought a child into the world that he could not afford to support.
This man does not seem a good risk.
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My problem is that my husband is bringing home $200.00 every other week and he dose have a little side job that gives him $170.00 a week but that is not enought to cover everything that we need are current rent is $835.00 a month and the lights and gas is about $150.00 a month and the cable is a$100.00 a month now if you add that up with what he bring home you can see that we cant spend a dime cause it all goes to bills and I have not even bought food or household supplies or things for the baby. I have talked to my husband about the childsupport over and over and ask him to put in the paper work to get the payments lowered but nothing has changed I asked him to get a lawyer and still nothing we have argue about this sever times i dont know what else to do i am tried of this the ex wife that is getting the back childsupport payment makes $2500.00 a month and eitheir of there kids stay with them. Now i am not in any way saying that he should not pay what he owes I want him to pay just want it to be fare cause he dose have a son that is not even a year old that he needs to provide for.
You need to do two things
- fix the problem
- understand your role in creating the problem so you don't do anything similar again.
First fixing the problem. You would be making a HUGE mistake to attempt to modify the payment. You have no way to know how they will rule. They may even bump it UP.
Make more money. Spend less. That is your only choice. (Getting bitter about the ex wife is irrelevant. Be bitter if you want. The money was not for her. It was for the children. And he did not pay.)
The make more money option has many different ways to do it. Education to get a higher paying job. You work if you don't already do so. Either or both of you get another job... You get the drift.
Spend less option ... yah you probably already live frugally. It sounds like you have to. That is not a lot of money we are talking about. Try to eek out some more. Drop internet. I see cable is $100. There you go. Lose it. Get books from the library. Get a copy of Tight Wad Gazette from the library.
If you don't budget, then start. Using Total Money Makeover's envelope budgeting might work for you. Or You Need a Budget is software you can use.
There are zillions of tips on the internet for living cheaper. I even found a website about feeding a family of 4 for like 20 a week!
Look into Angel Food Ministries
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This is to the point where I am thing about leaving because he is not handling his buisness. If anyone has a sugustion please give it to me cause I am at my last string
I think you are making a mistake focusing on the child support. In any event, if you leave, then you don't even have what measly income he brings in. So I don't see how that helps.
Geez, twice in one thread I see people--women--acting like children from a previous marriage are somehow less important. Great attitude.
Honestly Sisters. . .I don't mean to sound cynical but are you THAT surprised?
With women, it's about being seen/viewed as a sex object by men. With men, it's about squabbling like all you are is a paycheck. . .that your earnings, or how you put it???, a poor earning history/work history defines you.
My ex-wife after 6 months of divorce is filing a motion to take me back to court because I won't show her my last years tax return.
As far as I am concerned, I told her it is private, confidential and proprietary but as a compromise in 3 years, I would produce the last 3 years tax returns and we can base any more or less money I made and adjust accordingly.
The funny thing is (and the card I am holding) is I made LESS money last year.
If this motion goes through, guess what my countermotion is going to be?
The sad thing to me about this is you know what I would like? Gee, how are you Scannerguard? You doing okay? I do still think of you now and then.
Like I said, you can't be that surprised that all the women party to this are thinking about the men in terms of $$$ signs, current wives and ex-wifes alike.
Like Chris Rock jokes: Men cannot go backwards sexually. . .Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle. Can't do it. CAnnnnnnn't do it.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
B28 why should the mother bear the financial burden of caring for children that she and your husband brought into the world. If they were still married he wolud be contributing to their support even if their mother was making more. Your husband divorced his wife not his kids and he is responsible for them.
When you marry a divorced man with kids you marry a package deal. If you are employed you are helping him support his kids by hitching your caboose to that train. It something that you needed to think of before getting involved with a divorcedan with kids. I assume you were aware he had kids and had obligations for them. Your husband diserves your support he a good man who takes his responsibility for his kids seriously. Posted via Mobile Device
Honestly Sisters. . .I don't mean to sound cynical but are you THAT surprised?
With women, it's about being seen/viewed as a sex object by men. With men, it's about squabbling like all you are is a paycheck. . .that your earnings, or how you put it???, a poor earning history/work history defines you.
My ex-wife after 6 months of divorce is filing a motion to take me back to court because I won't show her my last years tax return.
As far as I am concerned, I told her it is private, confidential and proprietary but as a compromise in 3 years, I would produce the last 3 years tax returns and we can base any more or less money I made and adjust accordingly.
The funny thing is (and the card I am holding) is I made LESS money last year.
If this motion goes through, guess what my countermotion is going to be?
The sad thing to me about this is you know what I would like? Gee, how are you Scannerguard? You doing okay? I do still think of you now and then.
Like I said, you can't be that surprised that all the women party to this are thinking about the men in terms of $$$ signs, current wives and ex-wifes alike.
Like Chris Rock jokes: Men cannot go backwards sexually. . .Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle. Can't do it. CAnnnnnnn't do it.
Ever hear or judge imputing income based on what you're capable of earning? Might not work out for you as well as you think. Rules state income tax must be turned over - why not just comply? Judges don't like time wasters and game players - just as my ex who tried something similar.
ETA my ex had to pay court costs to and my lawyer. For the record, he tried to take me to reduce support and ended up paying more.
Honestly Sisters. . .I don't mean to sound cynical but are you THAT surprised?
With women, it's about being seen/viewed as a sex object by men. With men, it's about squabbling like all you are is a paycheck. . .that your earnings, or how you put it???, a poor earning history/work history defines you.
My ex-wife after 6 months of divorce is filing a motion to take me back to court because I won't show her my last years tax return.
As far as I am concerned, I told her it is private, confidential and proprietary but as a compromise in 3 years, I would produce the last 3 years tax returns and we can base any more or less money I made and adjust accordingly.
The funny thing is (and the card I am holding) is I made LESS money last year.
If this motion goes through, guess what my countermotion is going to be?
The sad thing to me about this is you know what I would like? Gee, how are you Scannerguard? You doing okay? I do still think of you now and then.
Like I said, you can't be that surprised that all the women party to this are thinking about the men in terms of $$$ signs, current wives and ex-wifes alike.
Like Chris Rock jokes: Men cannot go backwards sexually. . .Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle. Can't do it. CAnnnnnnn't do it.
I shouldn't jump on you - I am projecting my dislike for ex on you. Long story but he is trying to SCREW me (quit job on purpose, hiding funds through wife etc.). I don't know your story - but I hate game playing. Posted via Mobile Device
Nor should I ever project on a woman needing child support. No, I work, I do take my deductions for my business but nothing outrageous. I do make under the average for my profession but it's not on purpose. . .alwyas have. . .maybe I am just a bad business person. Honestly, that was a reason she divorced me so now she is free to pursue that lifestyle.
I asked my attorney that question - should I just produce it? Save time and energy and hassle?
It didn't even make it to the attorney. The legal assistant said there's nothing in the judgment that says I have to produce it and it's too soon for her to ask for an increase. And like you note with income imputation, I feel it just opens up Pandora's box, giving her information.
"Don't feed the bears. They only just get more hungry" as he said.
I do consider the matter private and I don't appreciate her just being able to do an audit on demand.
How about now that I am established in my house that we move from a 60/40 split to a 50/50 split and then she OWES me child support?
I have a feeling my attorney, if she decides to corner us, will go for this on a crossmotion.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Last edited by Scannerguard; 05-18-2011 at 04:38 PM.
PS: You know. . . I don't play any games. . .yes, I take my deductions for my retirement. . .I don't even get to count health insurance against child support now that I am paying, even though I can deduct it.
Yes, the threat of "income imputation" has always been held over me by her (I guess a lot of women do it). My attorney has said it's very difficult to prove - he coulda/woulda/shoulda been earning this or that.
Complicating that sort of a legal challenge. . .well, I gave up alimony as part of the settlement. . .so now if she would impute my income, do I get to go back and ask for alimony that I waived?
No.
Settled is settled.
Move on.
I don't even use a fancy accountant. . .I use a tax preparer from H&R Block.
Add to this, she has not downsized her lifestyle one ioata. . .still living in the McMansion we used to live in, paying those ginormous taxes. . .I am not sympathetic.
I did offer her 3 years back taxes with a 3 year average. That way it's a "fair" average.
I am not sure why women/ex-wives think becuase I bring home an extra $100.00 that week, that I immediately have to surrender $33 to them for the kid's benefit? How about I put it in a college account for them? Take them to an amusement park?
Who says the mother is the better fidicuiary of the money? Rather presumptuous, don't you think?
Anyway, back to the OP's problem, I guess with my own bias lately, I see a lot of women just acting like buzzards on a piece of carrion when it comes to guy's incomes.
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And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
why is he still paying child support if both children are out of school he shouldn't have too, he can get the payments lowered just takes some paperwork
PS: You know. . . I don't play any games. . .yes, I take my deductions for my retirement. . .I don't even get to count health insurance against child support now that I am paying, even though I can deduct it.
Yes, the threat of "income imputation" has always been held over me by her (I guess a lot of women do it). My attorney has said it's very difficult to prove - he coulda/woulda/shoulda been earning this or that.
Complicating that sort of a legal challenge. . .well, I gave up alimony as part of the settlement. . .so now if she would impute my income, do I get to go back and ask for alimony that I waived?
No.
Settled is settled.
Move on.
I don't even use a fancy accountant. . .I use a tax preparer from H&R Block.
Add to this, she has not downsized her lifestyle one ioata. . .still living in the McMansion we used to live in, paying those ginormous taxes. . .I am not sympathetic.
I did offer her 3 years back taxes with a 3 year average. That way it's a "fair" average.
I am not sure why women/ex-wives think becuase I bring home an extra $100.00 that week, that I immediately have to surrender $33 to them for the kid's benefit? How about I put it in a college account for them? Take them to an amusement park?
Who says the mother is the better fidicuiary of the money? Rather presumptuous, don't you think?
Anyway, back to the OP's problem, I guess with my own bias lately, I see a lot of women just acting like buzzards on a piece of carrion when it comes to guy's incomes.
Fair is fair and somehow I think we're on different spectrums of the 'being screwed with' scale.
In Canada, where I am, child support rules state you are supposed to share income tax yearly. From reading, apparently States rules are different.
In my situation my ex complained to our kids how he 'overpaid' me child support. He couldn't afford this or that for them because of me. Apparently, he started believing his own crap, took ME to court to have things lowered. When courts recalculated, he owed me an extra $260 a month plus $5000 back pay. Funny thing is, I was satisfied with what I had and would have left it alone.
Only thing I would ask on both ends - keep it about the kids. Don't use child support as a weapon to beat the crap out of the paying spouse and make them suffer to ends of the world and don't use it to starve the receiving 'family'. If paying spouse starts new family with someone else, doesn't mean kids from previous marriage fail to exist and no longer need support and you can walk away.
My H lost his own kids over child support. Didn't come from me, I never discussed it. Even when he didn't pay and I had to force court order through Maintenance Enforcement Office, kids didn't know. They didn't know what I got til he told them. Through his blabberings and bitterness, they feel he doesn't value them enough to pay for them. He can afford 3 big vacations a year but tries to weasel out of paying for them. They're 19 (no longer pays for her) and 16 now and they know who b!tched about child support and it wasn't me.
Had my ex come to me and said he hated his job, could we work something out until he found something else, great, let's parent our kids with teamwork and figure it out. But when you get told he can't afford to pay you but is leaving on his Easter cruise and September is his Vegas get-away and December is his Mexican resort get-away, I kind of call bullsh!t.
This is general soap box rant, not directed at anyone in particular! Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage 
