HELP childsupport is killing my marriage - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #61 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-01-2012, 11:11 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

Seeing the reality of various situations, I fear filing for divorce. Looks like I will never be an attractive partner to anyone due to my conviction of paying for my kids.

My ex has some problems (her family and herself) and will support financially,that scares me.
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post #62 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-01-2012, 11:30 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

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No, it's back pay from years he didn't pay anything. It doesn't go to the kids... it goes to the mom as back pay.

It's fair.
Yes, that is totally fair.

My dad owed backpay to my mom and my stepmom.

Checks were sent to us O.o as grown women. I signed mine over to my mom because she was the one working two jobs to support me when he was a deadbeat.

So...OP, this is fair. He made children...he has to pay.


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post #63 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-02-2012, 09:27 AM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

In addition to our other issues, H and I have a child support issue as well. He's been great about paying! Very honourable. But we are suffering financially. He too, refuses to go through the proper channels to get the payments lowered, even though it's almost certain that we'd win. He's afraid the ex will wind up with more, so we continue to suffer! I tell myself, that it's not forever (his kids are 13 and 15), and when it's over we'll have a huge party to celebrate the end of the gauging. His child support payments plus his kids education savings plan equal my entire yearly salary.
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post #64 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-02-2012, 09:28 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

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Seeing the reality of various situations, I fear filing for divorce. Looks like I will never be an attractive partner to anyone due to my conviction of paying for my kids.

My ex has some problems (her family and herself) and will support financially,that scares me.
Well, that's the price you'll pay for having kids. *shrug*

Do the honorable thing and take care of YOUR KIDS for now, and plan to date in another 5-10 years. Plenty of other things to do in this world beside finding a woman to take to bed.
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post #65 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-02-2012, 09:33 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

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His child support payments plus his kids education savings plan equal my entire yearly salary.
And his kids are trying to grow up healthy physically and mentally after having their home split up. And, after spending 5-10-15 years paying for them to have not as MUCH of a f'd up childhood for that, he'll be able to move on, knowing that he was honorable and put his children first - where they SHOULD be. After all, they didn't choose to be born, and they didn't choose to be dependent on divorced parents.
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post #66 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-02-2012, 09:36 PM
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And his kids are trying to grow up healthy physically and mentally after having their home split up. And, after spending 5-10-15 years paying for them to have not as MUCH of a f'd up childhood for that, he'll be able to move on, knowing that he was honorable and put his children first - where they SHOULD be. After all, they didn't choose to be born, and they didn't choose to be dependent on divorced parents.
When you talk like that, it makes my girl crush on you so much stronger.....lol
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post #67 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-02-2012, 09:39 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

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In addition to our other issues, H and I have a child support issue as well. He's been great about paying! Very honourable. But we are suffering financially. He too, refuses to go through the proper channels to get the payments lowered, even though it's almost certain that we'd win. He's afraid the ex will wind up with more, so we continue to suffer! I tell myself, that it's not forever (his kids are 13 and 15), and when it's over we'll have a huge party to celebrate the end of the gauging. His child support payments plus his kids education savings plan equal my entire yearly salary.
While this is your husband's legal issue and not yours, why not go see an attorney yourself first. Explain that you want to know how the current situation would alter the child support. Then take your husband to the attorney and make him sit through the attornie's findings. Most states have software calculators that figure out the support depending on a lot of parameters.

This way he would know before going to court what his support level should be. Thus he'd know if he should pursue this. You need to really put the presure on him for this.

Once this is done, then you need to accept the outcome and quit complaining about your husband taking responsibility for the children he had before he met you. You decided to marry and have a baby with a man who has other children to support. You now have to live the reality of that choice.
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post #68 of 69 (permalink) Old 03-03-2012, 02:59 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

You have two options: watch other people's kids in your home or get a job in a day care where your son goes. That's what I did in some ways it was harder because we couldn't be in the same class and when she'd see me it would upset her. But I knew her teachers and I knew what was going on and saw her all the time.
You have NO idea what it's like to have an ex who doesn't pay child support or what she has gone through. He had no business having another child if he couldn't afford to finish paying his obligations to his first two children. My ex has been laying 50% of his net income to me for six months to make up for quitting for five months. You have no idea what I went through. I don't care how old the kids are, that's money that she spent on the kids' clothes, food, presents, housing and insurance.
I'm sorry but I don't feel bad for you. You knew what you were getting into. Right now the state is probably collecting the back amount and even if she wanted to lower it, it's not up to her once child support enforcement gets involved. I'm sorry if that's harsh but that's reality. I hope you find a way to bring more money in and lower your expenses.
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post #69 of 69 (permalink) Old 07-06-2012, 10:53 PM
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Re: HELP childsupport is killing my marriage

"I have talked to my husband about the childsupport over and over and ask him to put in the paper work to get the payments lowered but nothing has changed I asked him to get a lawyer."

Why do you believe this is so easy. Unfortunately for you, his obligation to existing children come first. I am sure things are financially difficult, but that alone will not justify a change in support obligations. Both sides usually complain, and it is not uncommon for both to be unhappy. Yyour post does not explain how the lawyer is going to be paid. Are you going to spend 1,000-3,000 for legal fees with uncertain result.
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