Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
Hello first thank you for reading this. First let me give you a little info on me and my husband. This is my first marriage and his third. We have a 8 month old son and my husband has two other kids that are 19 and 20. Now the issue is he has back childsupport that he pays it come out of his check every two weeks half of his check goes to childsupport. My problem is that my husband is bringing home $200.00 every other week and he dose have a little side job that gives him $170.00 a week but that is not enought to cover everything that we need are current rent is $835.00 a month and the lights and gas is about $150.00 a month and the cable is a$100.00 a month now if you add that up with what he bring home you can see that we cant spend a dime cause it all goes to bills and I have not even bought food or household supplies or things for the baby. I have talked to my husband about the childsupport over and over and ask him to put in the paper work to get the payments lowered but nothing has changed I asked him to get a lawyer and still nothing we have argue about this sever times i dont know what else to do i am tried of this the ex wife that is getting the back childsupport payment makes $2500.00 a month and eitheir of there kids stay with them. Now i am not in any way saying that he should not pay what he owes I want him to pay just want it to be fare cause he dose have a son that is not even a year old that he needs to provide for. This is to the point where I am thing about leaving because he is not handling his buisness. If anyone has a sugustion please give it to me cause I am at my last string
Sorry to hear it...!
Let your husband know that ur sone is also his sone..
So their are some responsibilities of ur son on him also..
Make him feel that ur son is on the same importance that he has from his ex wife..
Tell him to spend some money on his current family that is u and ur son..
ask him to talk with ex wife or person who is looking after his 2 sons..
take some Legal advice from a Lawyer by your self...
I understand that you feel this is not fair to your son, and you're right. But, speaking as a mother whose ex does not pay his child support, you need to consider that it's not fair to his older kids that they probably had to do without because he wasn't paying.
He can try to get it lowered, but it is past due support. It will only take longer for it to go away. And...if the amount is high enough, and it's past due long enough, it can go on a credit report, which will have a long term bad effect on your lives as well.
You could do without cable to save some money. $100 a month seems high for that. And if you're not working, you could get a job. It's not just his responsibility to provide for your son. You could even look into babysitting in your home; then all the income you get could go towards expenses with no childcare expense.
You also need to keep in mind that he can ask that it be lowered, but the court doesn't have to do it. Where I live, they can take up to 60% of income to pay child support if there is no second family, if there is a second family (which is what you and your son would be for the purposes of this calculation) they can take up to 50%. They tend to be tougher on someone who has past due support.
It doesn't matter how much money their mother makes, the support is not for HER, its for the children. He made those children, he's responsible for them, end of story. It's not their fault that their father got behind and didn't pay and it's not the ex's fault either.
As a previously divorced, single mother - I made more money than my ex-husband, but he still paid the child support the court ordered because it was to support a child that he created also.
Try putting the shoe on the other foot and you're the ex - how would you feel about your stance now?
I have a friend in the same situation you're in...and they went to court to have it lowered, just to have it RAISED. He was also ordered to pay for health insurance...something he previously wasn't paying. And this child is over 18, but in college..so the order for health insurance is going to be until this child is 26, unless he quits school. She has two children with this man, and they struggle terribly. But she refuses to get a job.
I would cut the cable out. That's not a necessity. I would look into part time work..during a time when my husband was NOT working, so he could take care of the baby. If that's not an option, then a full time job would be in order. Day care is expensive, for sure...but you don't spend your whole check on daycare.
I honestly would cut out everything not necessary. That would include internet service. I did without it for two years...it didn't kill me. And from what I understand, child support isn't based on what he earns, it's based on what he's CAPABLE of earning. His earning potential. Times are hard...but he didn't pay his child support when it was due on time every month so this is what you're left with.
But this situation won't get any better unless you take the bull by the horns and get proactive. If you leave him...you're not currently employed. Who would support you and the baby then? The man who's behind on his child support? Taxpayers? Something to think about.
You said that his ex-wife makes more than you and your husband? Well, why can't he talk to the ex-wife to get rid of the back pay? The husband should also talk to the kids about working. The 19 and 20 year old should work...wft are they still doing getting back pay? If I were the kids, I'd tell Dad to keep his money. I can work for my own. I don't give a f**** about back pay. Plus if Mom was making more money than Dad...it would piss me off even more that Dad has to back pay. Stupid.
You said that his ex-wife makes more than you and your husband? Well, why can't he talk to the ex-wife to get rid of the back pay? The husband should also talk to the kids about working. The 19 and 20 year old should work...wft are they still doing getting back pay? If I were the kids, I'd tell Dad to keep his money. I can work for my own. I don't give a f**** about back pay. Plus if Mom was making more money than Dad...it would piss me off even more that Dad has to back pay. Stupid.
Why would she agree to get rid of the back pay? She paid for everything when he was avoiding his CS responsibilities and she deserves to be reimbursed. The money she makes now has nothing to do with what he owed back then. Asking his children to pay for his debts would be horrible.
Why would she agree to get rid of the back pay? She paid for everything when he was avoiding his CS responsibilities and she deserves to be reimbursed. The money she makes now has nothing to do with what he owed back then. Asking his children to pay for his debts would be horrible.
Why would he ask his grown children to help out? They should get part-time jobs and stay in college.
What's with this, "You didn't pay then so now you have to pay for all those times you didn't pay." I can understand if the kids were young but they can work for their own money.
When I was 16, I worked for my own money. My parents didn't have much money and I understood that so I found my own job and made my own money. When I was 18, I worked 2 jobs and went to college full-time. I made the payments for my car (the loan was under Dad) to drive to college and the parent plus loan (during college when I was considered dependent). So in my eyes, those kids are spoiled.
But I guess if back pay has to be paid not matter what then so be it. What a screwed up society this is. If he was making good money, yes, he should pay...he should help. But if he's tight and the kids are grown and can work for themselves then it makes no sense why he needs to back pay.
Why would he ask his grown children to help out? They should get part-time jobs and stay in college.
What's with this, "You didn't pay then so now you have to pay for all those times you didn't pay." I can understand if the kids were young but they can work for their own money.
When I was 16, I worked for my own money. My parents didn't have much money and I understood that so I found my own job and made my own money. When I was 18, I worked 2 jobs and went to college full-time. I made the payments for my car (the loan was under Dad) to drive to college and the parent plus loan (during college when I was considered dependent). So in my eyes, those kids are spoiled.
But I guess if back pay has to be paid not matter what then so be it. What a screwed up society this is. If he was making good money, yes, he should pay...he should help. But if he's tight and the kids are grown and can work for themselves then it makes no sense why he needs to back pay.
I don't think I understand your reasoning MoonAngel. His Ex wife had to support their two kids while they were under the age of 18 by herself, because he didn't make his CS payments. For all we know, she has credit card bills racked up from having to provide for two children by herself. The backpay is owed to her. Not to the kids, to her. He owes his Ex Wife money that he didn't pay her while they were growing up. I don't get how that is unfair??
Moonangel - Because the law says so. He is responsible for helping to raise his children. Just because he managed to get away not paying it before they became adults doesn't mean he gets to get away with it now. Can you imagine how many dads/moms just wouldn't pay in hopes of getting the kids to 18 so that the debt would just 'disappear'. How fair is that? Maybe mom didn't have enough money and had to beg borrow and steal to keep her child fed and housed while they were children. No one was helping her out - giving her a free pass, saying well if your struggling you shouldn't have to pay - she had NO choice.
Techincally - depending on the ruling it could actually belong to the kids. My daughter's dad hasn't paid in almost 3 years. He owes me upwards of $6000. I got remarried and I don't need it to pay the electric bill anymore (but before I got married I did have to run up credit card debit almost equal to that amount in order to keep everything going for my child). I don't push it now because he simply doesn't have it. Now, my daughter - when she turns 18 - can actually sue her dad for the back child support that he never paid if she wants to. It will be her choice.
I think there is more to this story. Didn't you know you husband was responsible for paying child support before you married him and had a child? My estranged husband spent the last four years courting young women and didn't pay a dime in child support. Therefore, I'm wondering what your husband was doing with his money back in the days he was supposed to be paying current child support.
Why would he ask his grown children to help out? They should get part-time jobs and stay in college.
What's with this, "You didn't pay then so now you have to pay for all those times you didn't pay." I can understand if the kids were young but they can work for their own money.
When I was 16, I worked for my own money. My parents didn't have much money and I understood that so I found my own job and made my own money. When I was 18, I worked 2 jobs and went to college full-time. I made the payments for my car (the loan was under Dad) to drive to college and the parent plus loan (during college when I was considered dependent). So in my eyes, those kids are spoiled.
But I guess if back pay has to be paid not matter what then so be it. What a screwed up society this is. If he was making good money, yes, he should pay...he should help. But if he's tight and the kids are grown and can work for themselves then it makes no sense why he needs to back pay.
How, precisely, is it a screwed up society to expect an adult to take responsibility for a child he was 50% responsible for creating? Society is screwed up only in the fact that often men who do this get away with it. People do stuff all the time and get away with it. And according to you, that should be just fine.
My ex owes me somewhere between $15-20k (I've lost track of the exact figure) in child support. And do you know what that means for my kids? It means that I had to choose between feeding them and paying the mortgage. In the end, I picked feeding them, had to let my home go and move in with my parents. It means that I have to save up to buy my kids new jeans when they outgrow them, which sometimes means that they have to wear jeans that are too short and might end up getting them teased. Why should he get a free pass just because they turn 18? I don't get a free pass. I don't get to just say, "gee, sorry, you're just outta luck." If my ex starts paying after they turn 18, I'll be handing the money over to my kids so they can pay for college or whatever they might need. It won't come close to making up for all the years they're having to do without, but it's owed to them. He chose to have 2 children with me, and he needs to take responsibility for that. Period.
I think you have a very wrong idea of how child support works.
first i have to say I NEVER SAID THAT HE SHOULD NOT PAY WHAT HE OWES. And i would get a job with no problem but i have no one to watch my son and i know some of you moms are saying daycare but my son is 8 month old and can not talk and tell me if someone dose something to him so that is not an option for me.I do not have any family were we stay to help me out and watch my son and another thing my husband is not a dead beat dad the time he didnt pay child support was because he was out of work. he has always taken care of his kids or we who not have a baby together I would not be with him if he was cause my dad paid child support but never try to have a relationship with me but i know for some women it all about the money and trying to hurt the man but his ex wife didnt have to do it all by her self my husband was very active in rising his kids and still till this day if he has it his kids can get it. he had his kids ever summer until there last years in high school. I didnt know he owe a big amount in back child support when we got together because he was paying current child support then. He ex has never had to be on walfare or anything like that she has always made good money and when my husband was with her and after he was making good money to so the two kids has never had to go with out. And i have said to myself what would i do if i was her and personaly i would not want the money at this point cause my kids are doing great and i make good money and i would not want anybody doing this to me so i would say F*** the money it is only people who what to hurt the other person who wants the money. So to all the moms out their who feel like your kids father owes you something you are worng because the only thing that should matter is the child but people dont thing like that and when you dont your only hurting the child cause their the one that matters
oh and another thing i have my owe little business but its slow right now so i do bring money to my household it may not be alot but i do bring money in
2Likes
HELP childsupport is killing my marriage 
