I want to give my honest opinion and also ask for apologizes if what I say is what you do not want to hear.
Firstly, Please do not proclaim that yours is a unhappy marriage because your husband is not treating you well. At the end of the day he is still your husband and more importantly the father of your child. He had so far already given your one kid and does pay the bills. Greatest misery nowadays that people are not content with what they already have but are unhappy/disappointed with expectations. When their expectations are not met or not fulfilled then all kinds of reasoning is invented/discovered to justify their expectations.
He is that. he is not treating me well. he is not treating my parents well. bla bla bla...
Secondly -- If he is paying the bills let him decide if he can afford for a second child or not. You should not be the decision maker in that regard.
Thirdly -- I do not see a good reason that you(or your husband) will be more happy with second child if your not happy with one child. As a matter of fact , I believe another kid might further complicate your married life.
Fourthly - You will not achieve or benefit by projecting a darker image ( though real) about your husband because no person reading this blog be able to change your husbands mentality. On the contrary you had in some sense put forth a darker image of your self by saying bad about your husband. Do not forget, this person is still your husband and more important he is still the father of your child and I am sure he loves the kid as much as you do . for example, None of the people reading this blog would pay you a dime if you add some text saying that your kid is sick. It is your husband who should and who will come to your child's rescue. Respect , honor and feel lucky. Please think in that perspective also.
Fifthly -- I do not totally believe what is being proclaimed by you here because it is only your part of the story. You husband did not add any text on his behalf explaining his problems with you, marriage and his decision of having only one kid.
Sixth - You should not even have one kid if you think you are not being treated well by your husband. You should have communicated with your parents first and taken their advice. Parents will always give you the best advice . You should at-least tell your problems to them now.
Seven - Here everybody writes there opinion which may not be in your best interest. on the contrary it is an amusement for people reading this stories. The onus falls on you to be matured and do the needful to fix your marriage. I believe second child is not important at all in these circumstances.
Eight --If you decide to continue your marriage which I think you should for the safety, welfare and good up-bringing of your child do not think that "MARRIAGE IS A CAKE WALK" for anybody in this world.
nine -- what ever house, investments, properties, retirement money he is talking about is in your and kids best interest. Therefore you should be happy about it if you really love your child.
Tenthly -- I personally think he is a responsible husband but you are projecting bad about him because he is not honoring your request to have a second child. And ofcourse , he does seem to be concerned that if he cannot make those investments or retirement savings with one child like his peers, how can he manage with second kid. Please understand from his perspective and may be you will change your opinion
LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST -- living happily is most important than having one kid or two kids. Try to be happy with what ever you have. Almighty you are still gifted that you have parents, husband, kid. there are many more in the world with nothing of that sort.
I apologize for a had tone in replying to this blog but I given a heart-full answer as I am going through the same situation.
I am married since 7 yrs and having one year old baby girl. we always wanted to have one kid but now her options are changed.
The reason is -- she talks one phone with lot of her friends. All her friends are either planning for second child or just had a second child. Now she feels that she is falling behind in the rat race. If all are having two kids then we should also have two kids- Isn't that stupid.
All in all -- I love my kid and I am a caring father. I am sure your husband is a caring father and loves his KID.
Good luck and take care..
I am 33 year old woman with one child and no job.I am married for the past 9 years and my husband has a decent job earning $65k.
For many years now our marriage has run into troubles.He wants me to work and I didn't want to until my child is in kindergarten.This year he is going to kindergarten and I am looking for options to start earning.Having stayed at home for so long I am little worried about my job options but I do realize that to give my child a better future I need to work anyway.
As I am approaching 35 I also want to plan my second child as soon as possible.But he doesn't want a second child.Because he needs to buy a house and plan a vacation to our home country,invest in more properties,save for retirement fund,save for my child's college etc.Everything seems to be about Money these days and it doesn't matter to him anymore what I want.
His conversations almost always steer towards money or financial security or how his friends have bought their own houses because of 2 salaries.Some of them have kids too.He wants their lifestyle.And he says that's not possible with one salary.
For the past 8 years that we have lived here I never used any cleaning services to clean up house,except once when his parents came over for a few days.I don't get my nails done.I have had probably 3 haircuts so far.I wish to have a neat home with nice bedding and kitchen utensils.Every time I go to store to buy something I get scared that this will end up in an argument.So I avoid.He checks the credit card statement carefully every time and makes note of anything that looks unusual and inquires about the amount as if I was stealing from his a/c.
When his parents came over,he spent on a holiday to Florida.Got them a lot of gifts.Never once asked me about it and it's OK because,Your parents come once in a while.But when my parents came during my pregnancy he treated them like they are a burden.He never got anything for them.And when we went to visit our home country he refused to buy a camera for my brother because it's $300.I begged him to do it this ONE time and he wouldn't.
The stress is building everyday.I look after my child,house and get most of the groceries.I attend everything in his school and keep things up to date.But all my husband can see is my financial worth equals zero.
He keeps reading books,magazines,watches movies,surfs internet plays sports.He does everything for himself and these days he has no time for me or my child.He is talking philosophy these days.Says life is short and that he wasted a lot of time and now he needs to either gain knowledge or make money.
We hardly talk to each other anymore.Don't eat dinner together.Everything is mechanical.It hurts me when he talks to his friends about how wives should not stay home and they need to work and go on and on in front of me to make me feel bad.We have other friends who have planned their second pregnancies over finding a job.Because a job can wait but not having child.He hates them for wasting time.
I suddenly feel I don't know this guy anymore.Our point of views are different but for a marriage to work something has to be in common.And I am trying to find that.
Does anyone here have similar problems?