Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
as I already stated..to us the most important thing is his future..and preparing him for it. He needs to have a part time job at least (It builds character and teaches about the value of a dollar earned) AND NON NEGOTIABLE...School. god. i feel like such a *****. I am so torn over this. it is not the money..we have been paying it with no issue for years. it is the PRINCIPLE. I would pay her till he is 30 if he is in school and she was supporting him. but I gotta say..the selfish part of me is looking forward to not having to deal with her weekly.But MORE important I want him to grow up..get a job..do well in life. Because I LOVE him.
actually michzz...this has hit home with me. I was at every school function....every dentist..doctor apt..every soccer game. come to think of it, my husband wasnt. neither was bio mom. so maybe you are right. they dropped the ball. so how do I deal with this. I got offended at the dropped the ball comment..but I think I KNEW that THEY did. While I will not defend HER..I love my husband and I know he loves our kids. I think he has avoided alot because he hates confrontation..and didnt want to deal with her. thinking about it in retrospect..it is not right that he has me deal with it all is it?
actually michzz...this has hit home with me. I was at every school function....every dentist..doctor apt..every soccer game. come to think of it, my husband wasnt. neither was bio mom. so maybe you are right. they dropped the ball. so how do I deal with this. I got offended at the dropped the ball comment..but I think I KNEW that THEY did. While I will not defend HER..I love my husband and I know he loves our kids. I think he has avoided alot because he hates confrontation..and didnt want to deal with her. thinking about it in retrospect..it is not right that he has me deal with it all is it?
It is not wrong that you are taking a huge interest in his success. You get major props for that.
However, your husband, the boy's father and you must be a united front for the kid.
His birth mother sounds really inadequate and is using him for her own selfish reasons. She can still be his mom and allow him to move freely.
The boy does not really grok what his situation is--bleak.
I have personal experience as a non-parent being the only thing standing in the way of a relative's kid spiral into an awful existence.
Having a part time job is a totally reasonable insistence on your part (as in you and your husband). But his best chance is with you, not with his biomom.
Tossing cash after failure would result in more failure.
ok. you are right. I am going to have our lawyer draft a letter...stating that we intend to have him in school. our monetary supply will stop..however we will offer him a home if she cannot afford it..and we will deal with the fall out. I do love my son ( i say mine because I married his father..he was part of the deal) So..I am going to do this..I want him to grow up. not for our sake (according to canadian law..child support ends at 18 if not in FULL time school) I will take him home here...OR he can go to school in her town..but I want proof..we have had NO proof of schooling for the last two years...so we will see...thanks for the support
well the **** will really hit the fan in a few weeks..she has been warned. we asked for ANY proof of schooling just two weeks ago...if we do not get it...then in two weeks..july first..we will pay our last child support. Let her take us to court..I am anxious to see what a judge says about her behaviour and her enabling him to stay home and play xbox all day and night. Anyway my number one choice would be proof of registration in full time school for sept..then we will continue on a month to month basis..based on full time attendance. wish me luck. wife against xwife sucks. esp when hubby (god love him) hates any kind of conflict.
Lynn
Its so important to teach children at a youg age about money.
my children are 8 & 12 and from the day they were born half of everything Gifts etc went into savings.and we explain the costs of things and how much income is left after paying bills. that way there eye are opened to how the world works.
We just got our Financial Peace Junior.
Quote:
no mon no fun....... its that simple
now its automatic they save and are responsible with the money they can spend on themselve.
I feel this is one of the most important things you can teach your children and so many are keep in the dark until colledge and then they have no clue.
My sister and I were both supported through college--- our parents paid for most of our schooling (whatever school loans would not cover) and let us stay home for free during breaks (I would do a lot of cooking, cleaning, and running errands for them in repayment). They even provided spending cash for us, though my sister and I still worked on campus too.
My sister got a full-time job right away after graduating, but she still lived at home for two years until I graduated from college. I graduated in January, I had landed a job by April that would start in September, and in July my sister and I had moved to our own apartment. Since then we have paid for everything ourselves-- our rent, car insurance, my sister bought her own car, cell phones, etc.
What was tough is that my sister did not find a full-time job for almost a year after we moved out of our parents' house. Instead of relying on our parents, I paid for her stuff-- rent, food, gas/electricity, etc. It was tough but it wouldn't be right to rely on our parents for that.
I appreciated that my parents extended their support until we both could live on our own and had full-time jobs, but I've always been motivated to support myself-- my sister needed a little help (me getting a job that required me to move away) but she's getting better at it.
If you love your kids enough, you realize that keeping them financially dependent on you is not in their best interests. When you pay for your kids who are over 18 and not attending college, you give them NO INCENTIVE to do anything but mooch off of you. Making them accountable for their own financial support is a VITAL life skill you are depriving them of developing by continuing to pay for his lazy lifestyle.
Stop the payments. If he goes to college, help pay for that.
the last child support payment was paid yesterday. We finally bullied the alternative ed school that exwife said he HAS been attending well (2 hrs a day??!!) enough that they gave us his attendance from feb 8th to last day of school June 23rd..the results?? out of 87 TWO hour classes scheduled for him...he attended NINETEEN. yup . thats right. 19 bloody two hour days since FEB to end June.
So the letter accompanied the last child support. We will not pay anymore unless there is PROOF positive that he is attending school..and we will only pay at the END of the month based on his attendance.
Keep in mind. We are NOT talking about College here.....we are talking HIGHSCHOOL and in our opinion it is not OPTIONAL. grr..sigh.
Anyway,, $hit has hit the fan big time...Hubby and I are really stressed as she is texting him non stop,,calling him names ect. Hopefully this blows over soon before it affects OUR relationship. Hubby is a head in the sand sort of guy, hates confrontation. I prefer to deal with things head on.
runs I am not sure where you are from, but our health insurance and dental ect will cover him until he is 21 as long as he lives in either our home or his birth mothers home, and is a student. If he is not a full time student then it ends at 19. So he has a year left to get his butt in gear and be back in school or working with his own coverage.
the last child support payment was paid yesterday. We finally bullied the alternative ed school that exwife said he HAS been attending well (2 hrs a day??!!) enough that they gave us his attendance from feb 8th to last day of school June 23rd..the results?? out of 87 TWO hour classes scheduled for him...he attended NINETEEN. yup . thats right. 19 bloody two hour days since FEB to end June.
So the letter accompanied the last child support. We will not pay anymore unless there is PROOF positive that he is attending school..and we will only pay at the END of the month based on his attendance.
Keep in mind. We are NOT talking about College here.....we are talking HIGHSCHOOL and in our opinion it is not OPTIONAL. grr..sigh.
Anyway,, $hit has hit the fan big time...Hubby and I are really stressed as she is texting him non stop,,calling him names ect. Hopefully this blows over soon before it affects OUR relationship. Hubby is a head in the sand sort of guy, hates confrontation. I prefer to deal with things head on.
how old was this child at the time i realize this is an old post.
Can you quit paying the support to her? and instead, offer to "help" him out occasionally when he needs it, since he will be an adult? Seems like doing anything else may support his and her laziness.
Re: When to stop paying child support? 
