Should I feel like a "moocher" if I am "mooching" from my in laws?

dasexyfroto · 06-05-2011, 07:01 PM

is it still considered to be "mooching" if it is from my in laws or my parents? Or is it OK when it is "family"? Also...what do you consider mooching? Would getting dinner paid for be mooching if every time we go out with my parents or in laws they pay the bill? Would tickets to sporting events be considered mooching? Where does one draw the line?

magnoliagal · 06-05-2011, 07:29 PM

My husband and I are real funny about stuff like this. My inlaws pay every time we go out but we don't live nearby so it's not a big deal. We only see them 2X a year and we soooooo cannot afford it. If we lived nearby we wouldn't do this. We'd insist on paying our own way, not go or only let them treat on special occasions like a birthday.

No clue about sporting events because we don't do that. Neither of us are into sports.

As far as where we personally draw the line. We believe unless it's a gift or holiday we have no business taking money from parents. It's not our money. And trust me my in-laws don't fight us on this either. I think they like it.

COGypsy · 06-10-2011, 04:39 PM

I think it depends on the family and depends on the attitude. I know that in my family, I would be hard pressed to get my dad or my stepdad to let me pay for a meal if it weren't their birthday or Mother/Father's Day. They just wouldn't dream of letting "the kids" pay for dinner--even though all of the "kids" are in their mid-30's or older!

On the other hand, my husband's mother will divide every bill out down to the penny and count out exactly 10% for the tip

. She only treats if it's her grandson or she has a "buy one get one free" coupon.

But even knowing who'll end up with the bill, I think that it feels like people are "moochers" when it starts to seem like they're expecting or assuming you'll pay. I usually offer to pick up the bill with my folks, or get the tip or dessert or Blockbuster or something and even though I hardly ever get taken up on it, I think that my sincere desire to contribute makes me not a "moocher". Sitting and staring at the bill til they paid it would.

I think that if you're even worried about it, you're safe!

RandomDude · 06-12-2011, 09:55 PM

In the past the missus' family offered us a house and to support our young family, I rejected it, I did not wish to become a freeloader, especially when in the past they have always talked BS about me that I'm 'low-class' 'street thug' 'bad-mannered' 'pagan barbarian' 'won't amount to anything' whatever crap.

Instead I decided to work 84 hours a week to give my wife a similar level of financial security that her parents gave her. Shut them up for good, and they sure as hell didn't expect it. I don't trust favors, maybe something from the streets still sticks - accepting favors makes you vulnerable to others at times.

You gain a lot more respect if you stand on your own two feet. No matter how much they appear to want to help; if you accept it, you will lose their respect subconsciously.

greeneyeddolphin · 06-15-2011, 08:20 PM

To me, mooching is when you expect others to take care of you and therefore make no effort to do it yourself. I've been known to ask my parents for help from time to time, but it's always that - asking. I never expect them to do it, and if they say no, I am not offended, hurt, etc. I simply look at my situation and try to find another solution. Accepting gifts or having dinner paid for is not mooching, in my opinion, again unless you are expecting it and doing nothing to change it. I mean, I know my parents will always pay for dinner when we go out together, but I still attempt to pay the check. And every now and then, I actually get to. lol

When I think of mooching, I tend to think of the "friend" that crashes on your couch, supposedly for a couple of nights while they move from one apartment to another, but in reality they stay there for 6 months, eating your food, using your car, watching your cable, running up your phone bill, etc. Or the "friend" (or relative!) that asks to borrow money and gets thoroughly pissed off when you say no. The relative who comes on vacation and simply expects that your guest room will be available and ready, with mints on the pillow and their favorite brand of beer stocked in your fridge.