Husband has no job
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Financial Problems in Marriage » Husband has no job

Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 06-06-2011, 12:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband has no job

I have been married for 6 years and my husband & I are in our 50's. My husband was out of work when we married (I know, this should have been a sign, but he promised it was just timing and that he would find a great job soon). After about 6 months and a lot of pleading, he found a job, he hated it and worked only as much as he had to. Soon I found out that not only did he owed family $5,000 but thathe owed back taxes $17,000 and that his credit cards were $6,000not $2,000. I had already purchaced a car for him because he lost his to his creditor.

He kept a job for about 2.5 years then slowed down so much in his work that they let him go. He was on unemployeement for 1 year and then worked about for almost 1 year then was let go because his boss and him could not agree on how to run the business. He hasn't had a job now for over 1 year.

I have told him I want a divorce and I will not support him any longer. He says he is making more money on unemployment then he could make working. Of course we all know that will go away and he will still be out of a job. I really don't think he wants to work and I feel used for taking care of all his bad debts.

He says I knew he had debt when I married him and he will get a job then we will be fine. He keeps telling me this isn't a reason to end the promise we made to each when we got married.

I am so tired of barely being able to pay the bills and never a vacation because we can't afford to go anywhere. He has no health insurance and no retirement. I have mine but if we stay married that will have to cover both of us. I don't see that he will ever have a job that will bring in benefits. I want to be able to spend money doing things with family and friend but again we can't. He talked me into signing a mortage that I can't afford on my own with his promise that he would get a job and make plenty of money.

Is this a reason to divorce or am I being unrealisitc and unfair to him? I do love him and we have fun together but like all relationships there are more problems than the money but that is the one that is the hardest to deal with right now.
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Old 06-06-2011, 11:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has no job

If he were female some would call him a stay at home wife.

You could be on tap for spousal support if you divorce. Don't be shocked if is angling to get it from you.
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has no job

Money is one of the major topics that brings a lot of tension into a marriage. It sounds like he has lied to you about previous issues with money. It also seems like he will continue to lie about getting a job, turning things around, etc. in order to keep you around. I think the main problem is the lies, and money only compounds that problem. Lying ruins trust, which is one of the building blocks of a solid marriage. Coffee Shop, I am sorry you are dealing with a lying, lazy husband (who probably also has little self confidence). Good luck!
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I did contact an attorney about the spousal support and she felt that if I could show my income doesn't cover more than my living expenses and if he is able to work but doesn't keep jobs then I should not have to pay support.

I really thought when I dated him he had lots of self confidence but now I see how he is always putting others down and spends so much time trying to convince me how good he is or how everything works against him.

I know I need to get out of this situation soon so I can get my credit and finances rebuilt and start feeling better about myself and my life. It is just so hard because I do love/care about him & all his family and friends. I hate seeing him hurt.
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Old 06-16-2011, 06:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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okay, now he tells me we are better off without him having a job because he can work on the side and we can bank the income without paying taxes. So far he has had jobs that brought in about $500 in the last 4 weeks. Yeah, money without paying taxes....how long will this last and what do I do at the year end?
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Old 06-17-2011, 02:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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okay, now he tells me we are better off without him having a job because he can work on the side and we can bank the income without paying taxes. So far he has had jobs that brought in about $500 in the last 4 weeks. Yeah, money without paying taxes....how long will this last and what do I do at the year end?
Go to jail?
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Old 06-21-2011, 04:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Your husband sounds just like mine!!! It is soooo frustrating having someone like this weighing you down and holding you back, isn't it?

I have been married for 10 years to a man who could not keep a job and for the past 2-3 years has been "self-employed," meaning, he tries to find jobs (handyman, home repair, remodeling) but they have to pay enough to make it worth his time! Can you imagine?

I work full-time, have been at the same job for 13 years. I pay our rent, car note, electric bill, car insurance and make sure there is food in the house and gas in my car. I also usually get stuck paying our cell phone bills. When he actually earns some money, he will pay for things like eating out, car repairs, clothes, and things I consider non-essential.

The only advice I can give you is to be in control of your money. My husband and I had a joint checking account for several years until I couldn't take it any more. I have my own checking account and only my paycheck goes into it -- he has no access. I wish I didn't have to do that, but for my own peace of mind and to be sure that our necessary bills get paid, I have to.

I have considered divorce over the years and right now, the only reason I haven't filed is because we have a 7 year old and he has a pretty good relationship with her. I know that if I file and he has to move out, he will make me out to be the bad guy and play the victim in front of our daughter.

I do not think it is unrealistic to divorce your husband over this issue. It is making your life miserable and causing you stress and he doesn't seem to give a flip. If you have already mentioned divorce and he hasn't stepped up, I would think the next move is to take action. Actions speak louder than words. I find that when I do something that gets my husband's attention, he changes his attitude, even if just for a short time.

Good luck to you, I know it is a difficult way to live.
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Old 06-21-2011, 08:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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okay, now he tells me we are better off without him having a job because he can work on the side and we can bank the income without paying taxes. So far he has had jobs that brought in about $500 in the last 4 weeks. Yeah, money without paying taxes....how long will this last and what do I do at the year end?
Wait a minute. HE is better off without a job freeloading off us tax payers and hiding his income from taxes on the side because he is a lazy butt hole? I am ALL for social safety nets. But people who abuse them burn my soul.

I know you aren't him. But this guy is a dead beat.
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Old 06-22-2011, 06:56 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has no job

Coffee Shop, the signs were there right from the outset but you chose to ignore them.

Because you are currently supporting him and keeping the household running he is happy to take a back seat and let you do all the hard work.

I find it out hard to comprehend how any man can keep his dignity intact without being a provider?

Now the question is whether you can carry on dragging this "burden" on your shoulders? Only you know the answer.
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Old 06-22-2011, 07:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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If he were female some would call him a stay at home wife.
This is absolutely right. Where do I find such men willing to look after me whilst I stay warm and comfy?
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Old 06-22-2011, 07:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You are right Nickitta, there were signs from the beginning that I choose to ignore. I didn't ask questions and find out this was his way. I choose to get married and to beleive all would be well. You would think by my age I would be wiser.

Now I need to take action like Bettylou said.

He is a dead beat and I can't live the way he is choosing to live. I have always paid my bills and have never depended on others to support me.

I am going to file for divorce. Thank you to all who have commented here, I really appreciate having a place to vent and get opinions of others.
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband has no job

If I had to guess what's going on inside his dishonorable head, he's probably thinking that if he gets a "normal" job, they'll garnish his wages for his past debts. A whole bunch of red flags with this one. In my opinion, his character rather stinks. He hadn't fulfilled his obligations regarding his credit cards, his car, to the government, so what would make you believe he would honor any obligaton to you? Where deceipt exists, it doesn't really care who it's target is. He's happy to take advantage of whomever (obviously, including you).
At 50, I figure we are basically what we are and there's little likelihood of someone developing honor and integrity at that age where it previously hadn't existed. As far as your question regarding dumping him, what is the value of keeping him?
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Old 06-26-2011, 09:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I am in the same boat. After nearly 10 years of marriage, my husband has been without consistent work for almost five years. I told him i wanted to be a stay at home mom or work part time when we had kids. But we bought a house and he never brought in enough money to pay for it. We burned through a HUGE inheritance while he tried to start his own business. Had he put in more effort, his business would have suceeded.

So now i'm working 7 days a week and he is doing construction here and there. But on his off days he takes the kids hiking, to the movies, etc. while I'm working. I come home and the house is a disaster.

i'm close to his family and always thought if i married anyone, i would make it last forever. Like you, i don't want to give up. But in your case i would say it is a fundamental disconnect in values and drive. Sounds like you don't "NEED" him. What about a trial separation?
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