Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke
I agree on putting it all down on paper. Or a spreadsheet if you are comfortable with a computer.
List the bills and your net income. If there is ANY left, divide it in half. That's what you both get to spend a month, even if it's just $20. You can't buy a new house even if she gets a great job now that she has graduated - your credit has been damaged by being arrears on your mortgage!
No unnecessary driving (gas), no eating out EVER. Start taking your lunch. $5 a day, 5 days a week is $100 a month. WTF? Stop it. I bet you can purchase the ingredients for lunch for $50 or less.
Refinance if you can. Come to an agreement and write down your goals on that piece of paper - i.e. if she can start earning $50K per year, too, then you will look for a house in the $200K range in FIVE YEARS. Not tomorrow, not as soon as she gets her first check. Or agree all debts must be paid in full (cars, loans from family, student loans, etc.) before you buy a bigger house. Write it down. Both of you sign it. Tape it to the back of your bedroom door or wherever you'll see it EVERY DAY. Or set a goal that she is also happy with that results in a weekend vacation for you two.
Also, include your kids. If they are worried because of what Mom says, now is a GREAT time to teach them about budgeting. Tell them it's not anyone's business, that you expect they don't share this info with anyone else. But they need to know the cost of things and how people budget their money. They may be motivated to do chores for grandparents or neighbors for money to save for special things. Even a 9y/o can mow grass, offer to do odd jobs (weeding, spread mulch), roll out trash cans the night before trash day and put them back, walk dogs every night for neighbors - whatever.
I was stressed being married to someone who was a poor budget-er. Right now I'm stretched due to some home and car repairs - some necessary, some not, but I hate it. Can't wait to have it paid off.
Also, I didn't get a loan for what the mortgage company said I could and I'm GLAD. I read you shouldn't spend more than 1/3 of your net income on a mortgage. I figured out what that was and stuck to it. And by golly that is good advice because a teen driver, random unexpected home repairs, etc. - I don't WANT more house! I don't want to be house poor. I also want to have some funds for retirement - I want to enjoy that time in my life and do some things within reason.
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“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus