I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #31 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 07:31 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

She needs to grow up and be responsible. You have been supportive and allowed her to get her masters degree and now it's time for her to contribute too. Both financially and house chores.

If after she gets a job she is not contributing much to the family, perhaps split the bank accounts and define how much each side contributes to the house expenses. That way each of you has your own allowance and she doesn't get to waste all the money selfishly.

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post #32 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 08:03 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

I don't understand why you do all of the laundry and dishes. Are you also stuck with other household chores that she could be doing while you are out earning a paycheck?

I agree with others that you have got to get your mortgage situation under control. Sounds like you have a pretty lousy loan. Either refinance, or sell the house and move somewhere more affordable.

$50,000 does not go a long way toward meeting all of the financial needs of a family, as you are finding out. She is going to have to get a job. Period. No way around it.
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post #33 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 08:17 AM
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post #34 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 09:32 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

I agree on putting it all down on paper. Or a spreadsheet if you are comfortable with a computer.

List the bills and your net income. If there is ANY left, divide it in half. That's what you both get to spend a month, even if it's just $20. You can't buy a new house even if she gets a great job now that she has graduated - your credit has been damaged by being arrears on your mortgage!

No unnecessary driving (gas), no eating out EVER. Start taking your lunch. $5 a day, 5 days a week is $100 a month. WTF? Stop it. I bet you can purchase the ingredients for lunch for $50 or less.

Refinance if you can. Come to an agreement and write down your goals on that piece of paper - i.e. if she can start earning $50K per year, too, then you will look for a house in the $200K range in FIVE YEARS. Not tomorrow, not as soon as she gets her first check. Or agree all debts must be paid in full (cars, loans from family, student loans, etc.) before you buy a bigger house. Write it down. Both of you sign it. Tape it to the back of your bedroom door or wherever you'll see it EVERY DAY. Or set a goal that she is also happy with that results in a weekend vacation for you two.

Also, include your kids. If they are worried because of what Mom says, now is a GREAT time to teach them about budgeting. Tell them it's not anyone's business, that you expect they don't share this info with anyone else. But they need to know the cost of things and how people budget their money. They may be motivated to do chores for grandparents or neighbors for money to save for special things. Even a 9y/o can mow grass, offer to do odd jobs (weeding, spread mulch), roll out trash cans the night before trash day and put them back, walk dogs every night for neighbors - whatever.

I was stressed being married to someone who was a poor budget-er. Right now I'm stretched due to some home and car repairs - some necessary, some not, but I hate it. Can't wait to have it paid off.

Also, I didn't get a loan for what the mortgage company said I could and I'm GLAD. I read you shouldn't spend more than 1/3 of your net income on a mortgage. I figured out what that was and stuck to it. And by golly that is good advice because a teen driver, random unexpected home repairs, etc. - I don't WANT more house! I don't want to be house poor. I also want to have some funds for retirement - I want to enjoy that time in my life and do some things within reason.


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post #35 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 09:44 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

What did she get her degree in?
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post #36 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 10:08 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

She has a master's degree and doesn't work? What the hell was the point of getting the credential then? She could have just gone to the public library and read or volunteered somewhere. Although, volunteering might be too strenous for her.

Insinuating that you are not earning enough is a direct attack on your masculinity. She's ****-testing and chipping away at your worth as a provider. Being "broke" is all relative to the material lifestyle you want. She seems to want all the benefits of this marriage and no responsibilities. What does she bring to the table? How does she support your wants and goals? Or, does she expect you to just be her personal ATM?
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post #37 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-31-2015, 10:20 AM
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I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

1. Your wife is a spoiled CHILD.

2. Your wife is a SPOILED child.

3. Get out from under that bad mortgage. Your wife will still be a spoiled child who you will have to rehabilitate, but at least you won't be in a dire financial situation while you are doing it.

4. See 1 and 2.
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post #38 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-07-2015, 01:34 PM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

My sympathies to you, its a hard situation to be in. As far as financial advice, previous posters have given some that you may want to pay attention to. Now, as far as your wife, I think it may be a good idea to get her more involved in your financial goals. What I mean is to set up mini goals on your way to bigger financial goals and encouraging each other along the way. So for example you can have to top goal be that new car she wants, but with conditions of completing some other goals like, putting certain amount in savings, etc.

Involve her by making goals she can contribute to like saving money on groceries or materials and being excited when she is able to do those small goals. Another example maybe to send in x amount of applications this week. Don't be afraid to make it a game as well, so competing on who can save to most, etc. Don't forget to treat yourselves once in a while though, we are not machines. It maybe a good idea to have those treats be given as part of the plan when you've accomplished a certain goal. So, make simple goals, encourage, and make it a win win situation for the both of you.

Last edited by Propel; 08-07-2015 at 01:39 PM.
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post #39 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-16-2015, 05:21 PM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

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Originally Posted by Yeswecan View Post
Jman34....you are in a situation of what I call "House Poor". In other words, the house mortgage eats up all of the money. There is nothing left for anything. This is no way to live. Been there brother. Not sure of your loan and if you are upside down in the home or there is some equity. Did you look into a refinance to a conventional loan at a much lower interest rate? Doing so will stop this crazy interest rate jump and your mortgage payment growing. It appears the mortgage is the problem and this can be address if you start looking at other loan options.
This. My husband and I bought a small house precisely because we didn't want to be house poor.

OP, can you look at selling your home and downsizing? That could make a world of difference.

I don't understand spouses who stay at home yet do nothing around the house. I do not have to work because my husband does well financially and we don't have children. However, I do all the cooking and housework. It is only fair; whomever does not work outside the home needs to work within it.
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post #40 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 05:31 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

Entitled princess syndrome. Complains about money but doesn't earn a bean. Forget writing down expenses, selling house etc, tell your wife to get a job or stfu and hit the road!

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post #41 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 06:06 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

She cannot just sit there and say "I have a Masters degree" and "Oh dear, I cannot find a good job" and "When are we getting a new car and the bigger house?"
When your expenses are more than your income, then something has to give, OR she gets a job pronto.

She is fit and healthy so she has to find a job even if that is just cleaning or in McDonalds.
She will not be the first graduate to have to accept low skilled work.
But the fact she has never really had a long term job, I guess is a big problem for you.
I think you may have to think of downsizing and getting that mortgage under control, else I guess, she may get pregnant again to make sure she doesn't have to go to work and you are then truly scuppered.
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post #42 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 06:11 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

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Originally Posted by Lon View Post
If he wants to go down in flames he can hand over responsibility of the finances to her.

He needs to take control of the expenditures.
Strangely, when I was married, the solution to ex-wife's spending problem was actually to hand over responsibility of finances to her.
Any problems, all the blame would fall on her. Thankfully she wised up and never had a problem since - until we divorced for other reasons.

Just saying it CAN work
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post #43 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-23-2015, 07:22 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

Agree with others - your wife seems pretty lazy and selfish.

But I think you are also partly to blame. You can't control or change her, but you can decide not to put up her cr@p. You've put up with it A LOT so now she has no real incentive or desire to pull her big girl pants up since you'll do nothing about it.

Stop being afraid of your wife.

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post #44 of 51 (permalink) Old 08-24-2015, 10:14 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Strangely, when I was married, the solution to ex-wife's spending problem was actually to hand over responsibility of finances to her.
Any problems, all the blame would fall on her. Thankfully she wised up and never had a problem since - until we divorced for other reasons.

Just saying it CAN work
But in your case, did your ex's spending problems lead to you not being able to pay your bills? Or were they merely interpersonal issues that your solution solved? Sounds to me like it was a people problem not a money problem, whereas the OP on this thread is dealing with both.

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post #45 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-04-2015, 10:25 PM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

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I have tried this. Many times. She still doesn't seem to grasp that we are broke. She then makes me feel bad when i have to say, "sorry, we can't get that right now". I then hear for the next week that WE ARE BROKE, WE HAVE NO MONEY. She even says these things in front of the kids to the point they worry about money now.
You are playing into this by even saying 'sorry, we can't get that right now.' How about instead, 'Yes, you need to get a job.'

I'd also suggest to stop taking hand-outs from her family too.

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