I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 09-11-2015, 04:42 PM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

Just my two cents - I lived through that as well. When we got married we agreed that my ex would stay home with the kids. I worked a corporate job that paid me well enough to do that. We sacrificed a lot. Older cars, smaller house, etc.etc. We refinanced the first house three times. Sold it at a profit, bought a different house and refinanced that one two more times in the 24 years we were married. The corporate job was killing me, so I started my own business. I made way more money and had a lot more control of my time and felt like I had a new lease on life. Apparently my happiness didn't matter as much as a corporate ie steady paycheck did.

Over time my ex started to develop this entitlement mentaility, that she was entitled to a bigger house, a newer car, nicer clothes and all the other bells and whistles that went along with it including several expensive vacations a year (for her at least).

When the mortgage melt down it. My business was devastated and I had to file bankruptcy. Her way of "supporting me through this horrible time in my life was to tell me to do what I wanted to, she didn't want to know about it.

All I can say, is deal with this attitude now and stop being the nice guy. I tried it for years and the only thing I got was a larger burden with fewer rewards.


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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-04-2015, 06:47 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

OP,

Time to sit the wife down when the kids are away or asleep and have a serious discussion on the future of your marriage as this is a serious problem. Ask her what her what is her perspective and what she thinks needs to be done? If her answer is "You need to make more money" instead of "I can pickup a job to help the family" then you have your answer.

Unfortunately you married an entitled woman that think men were created to be a wage slave with minimal effort on her. Time to face the music and change the direction of your life for the better because brother, I have been there and IT NEVER gets better. Entitlement attitudes like this are deeply engrained and your enabling simply prolong the inevitable. Stop being a wage slave to an undeserving spouse.

I feel sorry for those with depression, mental illness, hangnails, bad hair, bad childhood memories, etc. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer.

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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-04-2015, 07:26 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

It seems counterintuitive but control freaks don't always want control of the situation, they want control of the people managing the situation. They want power without accountability. My own scenario unraveled like that. We certainly agreed that family came first and she would do the home stuff. But as the years rolled on, it never ended. There was always some excuse some reason why she couldn't shift from homemaker to job-doer. The one constant was the ceaseless nonstop low level grumbling about money. Obsessed with money. Always counting other people's money, comparing their lives to ours. Well OF COURSE they just took a 3 week vacation to the Caribbean, darling, they have 2x our disposable income. That's part of WHY people work.

At this point it's not germane whether all of this is a personality defect, an anxiety disorder, a martyr complex, fear of success, or just pure b^itchiness. Life has been lived and those years aren't coming back. In your scenario it can either be addressed or ignored. What does addressing it look like and what happens when or if she turns you down flat?

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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 12:27 PM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

I feel your pain man, sounds like were married to the same woman lol. Mine has a real job now too.

The logic only applies short term, mine goes back to the blame game again after 2-3 days.

Case in point. I SOLD a part off my car, in order to fix another broken part. The part I sold was more money than the one I bought.

I get grille because I didn't use ALL of the money to pay bills instead. The whole point was to fix something that was broken, not to sell the part just to have money.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 11-28-2015, 10:47 AM
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Re: I make ALL the money, she complains we are broke

Amazingly over the last few years of our marriage, my ex started making enough money that she was no longer dependent on me. Rather than help with the expenses, which could've made our lives much more secure and stable, she chose to fritter her money away on new clothes and more trips for her. I scrambled every month to pay for my daughter's college education, always wondering if the money was going to be there in time. Paying every bill at the very last moment I could because I never knew where the money might otherwise be needed. In the meantime she was upgrading her ward robe, getting $150 hair cuts, having girl's nite out, etc. She was having $200 a pay taken out of her paycheck to fund our daughter's wedding. When she left I checked the account and it had no money left in it, she had spent it all.

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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 12-05-2015, 10:32 AM
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Unfortunately even in marriage you just gotta be an *******. It sucks but i beleve to some extent a lot of woman has a manipulative selfish brat hiding in them somewhere. Deep down even though they will not admit it they know exactly what they are doing. People just sometimes need a wakeup calll..its amazing how suddenly they find a job and a carrer and take good care of their house when they get divoriced, none of which applied when they were married.
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