Financial Problems in MarriageWhen financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.
Howdy Guys! Back again. I have been having trouble with the wife because I have not found full time work yet. Last year we had our first child (about 8 months ago) and I have been working two jobs, sometimes 3 to make sure that I can pay the bills. My wife works a full time job but does not pay any of our bills (just pays on her credit card debt and our storage unit). At first I thought that we were going thru the after pregnacy deal (No Sex until she feel secure with her body again)....but it has been months (8) since we even got close to having sex.
I became puzzled and asked "What do I need to do to get her in the mood again?" She responded "You have not gotten a better job, we are not financially secure so how can I even think about having sex yet alone even opening my legs with you?" Ouch!!!
She makes more than I do and has put money away in her personal seperate accounts. She has started an account for our child which is good but I am always struggling to make ends meet. I constantly look for a full time job, resume submissions, over the phone interviews, etc... Hell I even work as a custodian (which is noble work) cleaning toilets to make enough for our rent and bills.
I put everything that I make into our household (not getting anything for myself) while she goes out and spends money on clothes, dinners with friends, etc.
I know the role of the Man (in general...not to be sexist or anything) is to be the PROVIDER for the family. Isn't providing a roof over your family's head, making sure the electric, gas and cable is paid and working 12 hours a day and 6 days a week worth some sex? What should I do???
Hell... forgive me, but I have no respect for your wife.
You ARE the provider of the family, you keep the roof from fallin while she just runs around and enjoys life - without you. Keeping her money to herself even... the nerve!
BTW, you work 6 days, 12 hours, why so little cash? I pulled in quite a sh-tload of money working 84 hours here before in Australia, 2 jobs and one cash in hand (hehehe no tax!!!)
Personally though, put it bluntly that even though you may not earn as much you seem to contribute to the most (if not all) of the household. Financially secure... haha, does she mean stable or with lots of money for her to spend? If the later, I would move on.
One thing I did learn however is that it is very possible to spoil your wife. My spoiling my missus led to a very painful crisis last year which led to a temporary separation that she is still hurt and shocked over. Sometimes a man just has to stand up for himself you know -> it seems she's getting the better end of the bargain in your shoes.
I'm sorry for saying this but you've got to grow a pair. Your wife is an extremely selfish woman who cares nothing about you.
Her 'reason' for not wanting sex with you is probably bogus. A good wife would appreciate the sacrifices her husband is doing for the family and contribute herself to the financial survival of it.
It irks me no end that in this day and age where women make good money, we men tolerate this chivalrous cr*p from them
Howdy Guys! Back again. I have been having trouble with the wife because I have not found full time work yet. Last year we had our first child (about 8 months ago) and I have been working two jobs, sometimes 3 to make sure that I can pay the bills. My wife works a full time job but does not pay any of our bills (just pays on her credit card debt and our storage unit). At first I thought that we were going thru the after pregnacy deal (No Sex until she feel secure with her body again)....but it has been months (8) since we even got close to having sex.
I became puzzled and asked "What do I need to do to get her in the mood again?" She responded "You have not gotten a better job, we are not financially secure so how can I even think about having sex yet alone even opening my legs with you?" Ouch!!!
She makes more than I do and has put money away in her personal seperate accounts. She has started an account for our child which is good but I am always struggling to make ends meet. I constantly look for a full time job, resume submissions, over the phone interviews, etc... Hell I even work as a custodian (which is noble work) cleaning toilets to make enough for our rent and bills.
I put everything that I make into our household (not getting anything for myself) while she goes out and spends money on clothes, dinners with friends, etc.
I know the role of the Man (in general...not to be sexist or anything) is to be the PROVIDER for the family. Isn't providing a roof over your family's head, making sure the electric, gas and cable is paid and working 12 hours a day and 6 days a week worth some sex? What should I do???
Tiring, isn't it? I personally know of two women who took that same position.
It's not like being without a job isn't hard enough, and it is most likely not your fault - the economy is in a shambles. You need to tell her to cut you some slack, but what you two really need is counseling. You know, "for better or worse"?
Well, your wife sounds like quite something. I didn't want to type out some unprintable words.
I think you need to 'man up' with your wife. She is running rough-shod all over you, and that isn't acceptable, imho.
When you're married, it means there are two people involved - and you BOTH took vows of "for richer or poorer". It's not reasonable that she would get to have the lion's share of money that she earns and not contribute to the greater household good like you do. I don't think it's reasonable for one spouse to act like they are still single when they are married - and that involves everything from who and how you get to hang out, to how money is managed, and everything in between.
I would call a family meeting to order and lay it all out. Tell her how you feel, and lead the meeting to set up a family budget. There should be a big pot in the middle that is "our family money" that you both contribute to, then there can be two smaller pots - one for each of you that is your 'fun money'. Be active in taking leadership of this and demanding the respect and appreciation that you deserve for the contributions that you are making. Don't let her pull the wool over your eyes anymore with regard to the finances.
Then, do you have a plan together on how to pursue better job opportunities? Putting some thought in to a well laid out plan and presenting that to her AND showing some action on your part to implement that plan could also have a big impact. She is looking to you for some kind of security for now and in to the future with your little one.
Another thing to think about since you've had a baby recently is whether her hormones are still messed up from that. Usually childbirth and breastfeeding (if she's doing that) can really depress a woman's libido. HOWEVER, for a loving wife who understands what her husband needs, she would be willing to step up and 'help' her husband out. That's just my viewpoint.
Hell... forgive me, but I have no respect for your wife.
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I'm sorry for saying this but you've got to grow a pair. Your wife is an extremely selfish woman who cares nothing about you.
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I would seriously ask myself if I wanted to stay with someone as selfish and emotionally abusive as her.
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Well, your wife sounds like quite something. I didn't want to type out some unprintable words.
The role of the man, is to be the man. Your wife is currently in that role by dominating you. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Danny Glover is a good book, or so I have heard from these forums. Give it a shot. Look up the Man up and 180 in the Mens Clubhouse.
Also, if your wife witholds sex due to your "lousy" job, she is essentially turning her sex into a commodity... (I hope Syrum see's this )you cant afford.
It is hard enough on a man's psyche to be without a full time job. This is when we need the support of our wives the most. It is not uncommon though for the man to have a lower self esteem during this time. He puts out a different vibe. He may be less interested in sex due to stress period.
I am guessing that some women anyway view a man as less sexy if he is not working full time. Hey if the guy is actively trying to support hisfamily and so on he needs his wife to be there. He needs to be able to go into interviews with confidence. He also needs to know his wife is there for him and feel like they are dealing with adversity together.
Now the whole other financial arrangemnet is whack. You already got great advice on that.
When you were working full time, was she making sex with you a priority? If not, her "no job = no sex" carries no weight. If you're basically in the business of buying sex, there are endless potential vendors. Competition drives down prices and increases quality and customer service.
She responded "You have not gotten a better job, we are not financially secure so how can I even think about having sex yet alone even opening my legs with you?" Ouch!!!
if my fiance ever said something like that to me (seriously) i would be out the door and gone.....but thats just me....
Yeah, she doesn't understand that sex is not dependent on how much money you make. At least you're trying. I was in her position, but my husband wasn't even looking. I was filling out applications for him. In fact, thats the only way he got his full time now (with the help of God.) She really does have to understand that the economy is very tough right now, and a "better" job is not just going to pop up. Its not fair that she gets to enjoy life more without helping to pay bills. If I were you, I'd make her buy her own groceries and food. Make her share in teh sacrifice. You are the provider, but she is the helpmeet, if she needs to help you buy clothes and food for the family she needs to do that. She should also be helping out by taking the family out and covering some date nights. She shouldn't just be the only one enjoying life when you make sure there are lights and hotwater for her and the baby. I admit, I can be selfish with the money, but when my husband is trying and the family is progressing, I need to meet him part of the way so we can both be happy.
I became puzzled and asked "What do I need to do to get her in the mood again?" She responded "You have not gotten a better job, we are not financially secure so how can I even think about having sex yet alone even opening my legs with you?" Ouch!!!
She makes more than I do and has put money away in her personal seperate accounts. She has started an account for our child which is good but I am always struggling to make ends meet. I constantly look for a full time job, resume submissions, over the phone interviews, etc... Hell I even work as a custodian (which is noble work) cleaning toilets to make enough for our rent and bills.
I put everything that I make into our household (not getting anything for myself) while she goes out and spends money on clothes, dinners with friends, etc.
I know the role of the Man (in general...not to be sexist or anything) is to be the PROVIDER for the family. Isn't providing a roof over your family's head, making sure the electric, gas and cable is paid and working 12 hours a day and 6 days a week worth some sex? What should I do???[/QUOTE]
Men should never beg for sex. I would probably concentrate on looking good, and start coming home at some unusual times. Alternatively, keep a playboy or something around and if she asks, note that you have to look or thing about something.
Telling her, you are superior to me, I am a little peon, and you dish out your lovely body if and when you see fit, is not the way to run a marriage. Work on improving yourself financially, but also stop being a doormat.
The role of the man, is to be the man. Your wife is currently in that role by dominating you. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Danny Glover is a good book, or so I have heard from these forums. Give it a shot. Look up the Man up and 180 in the Mens Clubhouse.
"You have not gotten a better job, we are not financially secure so how can I even think about having sex yet alone even opening my legs with you?"
Holy cow man... Sounds like instead of a wife you have some sort of prostitute at home. Not trying to insult, but does she love you or your income? Don't stand for this man, if you do she will be carrying your balls in her purse.
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No Full Time Job = No Sex 
Re: No Full Time Job = No Sex 
