Nighthawk4

I so don't know what to do. I just celebrated my 14th Anniversary with a man I love immensly. We have always had our ups and downs, but recently I have actually started to feel resentment towards him. He is currently not working, but he volunteers to coach kids, which is awesome, but doesn't help our income. We have four kids, and I work full time (3-12hour overnight shifts, plus a four hours swing shift). I love my job, but it just isn't enough anymore. Kids are expensive, and I didn't go to school for so long to still live paycheck to paycheck and not have any nice things. I have asked him to go back to work, but he tells me I am asking him to give up the one thing he loves (coaching kids). I also get stuck with most of the household responsibilities. I do most of the cooking (crockpot on nights I work) and I spend whatever time I am not at work cleaning house. I am literally exhausted all of the time. When I do get to spend time with my kids I am crabby and stressed about bills and money, and I feel like I just yell alot. I am thinking about getting another job, but for every application I put in the resentment just boils to the top!! What do you think?

maccheese

I know he does not coach kids full time. How come there is no room in there for working. And come one, when you're not working, you have to step up with the home responsibilities (whether you are the man or woman.) His priority is to take care of his home and his family, not coach other people's children. He's not being responsible at all. You are better than me, I wouldn't be cooking for him, especially on the nights I have to work. In some instances, it is give and take. And how does he have gas in the car to go coach these kids if he's not working. You work to fund your hobbies and things you like to do. You don't have fun first.

Nighthawk4

No he doesn't Coach full time. If he would put half as much energy into finding a job as he does coaching we would be set! His excuse always falls to daycare being too expensive, but we only have one child not in school (he is 2). He did have a great job once (military), but nothing permanent since. I love him so much but I feel like he is wasting his life, and I in turn am wasting mine because I may have to work a 2nd job. I might not get to see him or the kids much if that happens. So frustrating.....

Kaynaz

Hello There,

There has to be certain ways in which you will need to make him understand that this isn't doing any good for you both and for your family...May be ask him to help with your household chores and gradually handle that part to him...so that he understands that he should rather try to involve himself in something that a responsible & caring husband should do...instead of handling household chores...

If he does not like going around looking for job or working out...ask or suggest him to get involved in internet jobs...you can nowadays earn handsome working from home on internet...

Do not take all damn responsibility on your shoulders, its both of your life, share it between you both and see what turns out to be..

Hope this helps....

Regards
Kaynaz.

maccheese

You're right. Daycare is expensive. So if he's not working. Why pay for childcare. He should be taking care of your LO. That would be extra money you all could save and you probably wouldn't have to get that second job. I am very glad that you still love him, but you probably have to have some tough love and have him at least take responsibility for his two year old. I though daycare was for people who could afford it and people who were working and need their children watched. Not working, no need for childcare. And my goodness, he's a vet too! There is no reason he can't get a job. Government jobs prefer veteran experienced.

Nighthawk4

Oh no, he does stay home with the 2 year old. We don't pay for daycare. Thank goodness! That is the one positive out of this whole thing. Him staying home with the 2 year old is his excuse for not finding work though. He doesn't want to put him in daycare. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the two of us just need to sit down and how a serious discussion about finances. We'll see where it goes from there.

maccheese

Oh, I misunderstood. Well, during your conversation you all should discuss whether the amount of money he would make would be worth the cost of daycare. Sometimes, parents go to work and all their earnings go to childcare. In that case, why not stay home with the child (I understand some people simply don't do the stay at home thing well, I'm one of them.) What about something part time? Maybe he can go to work after you get off work. Even if its just several hours per week, it will help some way with the finances.