Red flags for financial infidelity? - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-02-2015, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Red flags for financial infidelity?

Another discussion inspired this question.

What red flags / traits can one expect from someone with a tendency to commit financial infidelity? Are there warning signs? 'tis a curious thing...

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-02-2015, 03:11 PM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

Traits? Probably the same for regular ol’ infidelity…selfishness, a sense of entitlement, a need for instant gratification, deceptiveness, etc.

Red flags / actions / warning signs?

Lack of transparency with paycheck (bonuses, raises, etc not disclosed)
Undisclosed credit cards
Undisclosed inheritance / other funds from family / small loans
Lots of trips to the post office (Secret po box, or not wanting to mail payments from home mailbox)
Resistance to allowing access to online accounts
Lots of cash transactions
Unexplained ATM withdrawals
‘losing’ receipts constantly
Padding common purchase like groceries or gas with gift cards or cash back
Usually high purchases at stores (perhaps merchandise that can be returned for cash, sold on craigslist, etc)

Countermeasures:
Run a credit report (don’t tell them before you do)
Keylogger (get account passwords)
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-02-2015, 03:24 PM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

Good evening
I missed the other thread. What is meant by "financial infidelity"?
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-02-2015, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

=/

"Financial infidelity is the secretive act of spending money, possessing credit and credit cards, holding secret accounts or stashes of money, borrowing money, or otherwise incurring debt unknown or unwilling to one's spouse, partner, or significant other. Financial infidelity in a relationship may also include any financial decision(s) made by a partner that may effect, burden, strain or set back the financial planning of the relationship. [1] Adding to the monetary strain commonly associated with financial infidelity in a relationship is a subsequent loss of intimacy and trust in the relationship. Financial infidelity appears to be on the rise, with a 2005 study showing that 30% of respondents had lied about financial information and 25% had withheld information,[2] whereas a 2008 study showed that half the respondents had committed some form of financial infidelity.[3]"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Financial_infidelity
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 03:45 AM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

I'm not sure about warning signs because I didn't see any. My soon to be ex-husband used to make expensive purchases without talking about it first. Once he bought a motorbike for a few thousand dollars, there was no discussion. It was the same with technology items. However, he controlled the money and monitored what I spent it on, for example, groceries or a new pair of shoes. He would always justify why we don't need this or that. If I spent $5.00 for lunch and argument ensued. It's important to be honest, open and try to work against a budget that works for you. Sadly this didn't work for us.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-22-2015, 10:39 AM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

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Originally Posted by ReidWright View Post
Traits? Probably the same for regular ol’ infidelity…selfishness, a sense of entitlement, a need for instant gratification, deceptiveness, etc.

Red flags / actions / warning signs?

Lack of transparency with paycheck (bonuses, raises, etc not disclosed)
Undisclosed credit cards
Undisclosed inheritance / other funds from family / small loans
Lots of trips to the post office (Secret po box, or not wanting to mail payments from home mailbox)
Resistance to allowing access to online accounts
Lots of cash transactions
Unexplained ATM withdrawals
‘losing’ receipts constantly
Padding common purchase like groceries or gas with gift cards or cash back
Usually high purchases at stores (perhaps merchandise that can be returned for cash, sold on craigslist, etc)

Countermeasures:
Run a credit report (don’t tell them before you do)
Keylogger (get account passwords)
With the exception of #3, My XWW did all of these. She started off with small stuff like cashing out after making grocery purchases, returning items and getting a cash refund, and even being misleading about her actual income. Her dishonesty gradually transitioned to bigger stuff like opening credit cards in my name online (without my knowledge of course) and racking up big balances. During this time, she also become more and more selfish and developed a wicked sense of entitlement. The next step in her dishonesty was to graduate from financial infidelity to physical and emotional infidelity. I found out about all of this within the span of about 3 months.

Be careful. In my case, financial infidelity was a precursor to other even more life changing forms of infidelity.

Last edited by Decimated; 10-22-2015 at 01:45 PM. Reason: spelling
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-24-2015, 01:47 PM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

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Originally Posted by Decimated View Post
With the exception of #3, My XWW did all of these. She started off with small stuff like cashing out after making grocery purchases, returning items and getting a cash refund, and even being misleading about her actual income. Her dishonesty gradually transitioned to bigger stuff like opening credit cards in my name online (without my knowledge of course) and racking up big balances. During this time, she also become more and more selfish and developed a wicked sense of entitlement. The next step in her dishonesty was to graduate from financial infidelity to physical and emotional infidelity. I found out about all of this within the span of about 3 months.

Be careful. In my case, financial infidelity was a precursor to other even more life changing forms of infidelity.
same for me

puffertoxin
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-24-2015, 02:09 PM
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Re: Red flags for financial infidelity?

A sign not mentioned above is collection calls. When the credit card payments are late or the card is near/at it's limit, they will call. Spouses who are financially unfaithful tend to pass those calls off as "mistakes" or "telemarketers".
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-24-2015, 02:37 PM
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-24-2015, 02:38 PM
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I remember making the comment to my ex why is it that the bank telemarketers never call me .

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