Is this insane or is it me? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #16 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 07:15 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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Originally Posted by norajane View Post
Anyone who says this kind of stuff:





is not a good person to marry because he relishes the idea of making you beg for money, and he does not think in terms of "we" but in terms of "I, me, mine."

He sounds like an ass. Are you sure you really want to marry this guy? I wouldn't. His way of handling conflicts is mean-spirited. I would not want to tie myself to a guy like that for a day, much less a lifetime.

get a better man .

tell him to pay you for sex service rendered ( assuming you are sleeping together )

why do you give him all your salary ????????? You are not his slave .


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post #17 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 08:06 PM Thread Starter
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I told him that I had gone to a forum like this (without disclosing which one) and asked advice. And his response is I "could give a Fu@k". He said that the only reason I got this response is because he's not there to defend his view.

I swear this is the whole story. Is there something I'm not seeing?
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post #18 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 09:51 PM
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Yes

Leave now .

He's selfish n controlling
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post #19 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 09:55 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Why would you hand over all your money to someone you're not even married to?

Please go to the bank tomorrow and open an account in your name only. Deposit all future pay checks in there.

As soon as you have saved up enough for first months rent + deposit, ditch this control freak.
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post #20 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 10:30 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

As Dave Ramsey would say, this isn't a financial problem, this is a relationship problem.

This is going to create a lot of future resentment, especially when this can be solved by a simple budgeting solution.

But if his go-to solution is protect his own assets instead of compromise and cooperation to reach a satisfactory agreement...then you can probably expect him to respond as such in other ways.
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post #21 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 10:52 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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I have been having doubts because of this awful control. He says my insistence on knowing where the money goes shows that I have control issues. After arguing about that... He then had the nerve to ask me "how much money have you spent on me??"

I said you have every cent I earn! He says that my questions make him think I don't trust him and that I'm just trying to prepare to leave him. He has also insisted that I am wanting to get married sooner than later because I am going to scam him or divorce him and try to get half his money. Which is nuts because I have given him everything of mine and while I make les than he does, I still do quite well!
Run while you can, this man has all the makings of an abuser. You are not even married to him and he is already controlling you via the finances, making abusive comments, what would it be like when you are permanently tied to him? He puts himself first by buying car, etc.Yet you cannot have a manicure! He will not tell you how HE is spending the money, yet you have to be accountable to him. This is all wrong. GET OUT NOW!
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post #22 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:01 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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In marriages where both partners work and make money, but one makes more than the other...how do you split finances?

My partner is insisting on charging me for trips and meals etc 50/50 despite the fact he makes double my salary.

He says if we split finances that's how it has to be done, because he says he wants me to realize how much he gives me and I'll be back begging for his help.
Combine finances. All thats accomplished by dividing finances and belongings is a less complicated divorce. Somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy if you ask me.

Though, your husband doesn't sound like husband material to me.
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post #23 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:40 PM Thread Starter
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Tonight the argument was about the fact that i wanted to go visit my child tomorrow. He said the fact that I didn't plan to tell him until today, was a sure sign I was up to no good. He said with the finances...If we split... I need to back pay all gas and hotel from visiting my child. I had told him that my 10 year was off school tomorrow because of Columbus Day and be said that wasn't true. I had my ex send the email that proves the school is off...and said he thinks it's a falsified document. I said no! It is a holiday! He said i was scamming him or up to no good. Then went on to say that the gas money and wear and tear on car (2 hours) was ridiculous and he didn't see why I needed to see my child again since I spent a weekend with him (1 week ago). He went on to blame my ex for making me feel guilty for not seeing him and said it was his master plan to kill our relationship ... Through a mother's guilt and that I constantly cave to it.
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post #24 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:50 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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tonight the argument was about the fact that i wanted to go visit my child tomorrow. He said the fact that i didn't plan to tell him until today, was a sure sign i was up to no good. He said with the finances...if we split... I need to back pay all gas and hotel from visiting my child. I had told him that my 10 year was off school tomorrow because of columbus day and be said that wasn't true. I had my ex send the email that proves the school is off...and said he thinks it's a falsified document. I said no! It is a holiday! He said i was scamming him or up to no good. Then went on to say that the gas money and wear and tear on car (2 hours) was ridiculous and he didn't see why i needed to see my child again since i spent a weekend with him (1 week ago). He went on to blame my ex for making me feel guilty for not seeing him and said it was his master plan to kill our relationship ... Through a mother's guilt and that i constantly cave to it.

LET NO MAN STAND BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CHILD .

A man can be replaced . A child and a mother bond cannot be replaced .

And let no such an aszhole tell you that .

Cut loss and leave .

HE SOUNDS LIKE HE IS MANIPULATIVE , CALCULATIVE AND UNLOVING , SELFISH .

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post #25 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:57 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Split the bills according to the % each of you earn of you joint income.

But, that said.... you need to leave this guy.

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post #26 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 12:01 AM Thread Starter
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I suggested the % split and he laughed and said this isn't "obamacare". He said he had never heard of that... And would never allow. He said there's a reason companies have CEOs and I need to trust and respect him and not question.
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post #27 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 12:09 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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I suggested the % split and he laughed and said this isn't "obamacare". He said he had never heard of that... And would never allow. He said there's a reason companies have CEOs and I need to trust and respect him and not question.
wtf

is he a ceo in real life ?

i doubt so . so he wants to play ceo with you

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post #28 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 12:14 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

So why do you stay with him?

.
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post #29 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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I have fought so hard to be with him. My family and friends (who I confined in too much) have shown so much alienation that it made me want to prove them wrong. And I have loved him so much.

When I moved he said he would take care of me. It didn't matter what I made... And he just loved me.

But now that I made great money... He controls it and says he has mad decisions based on my salary. But it's true... We aren't married.

He went through my web history and saw I was researching this situation And freaked.
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post #30 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 01:36 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

He sounds just like my ex. We were crazy in love, he adored me, spent his money on me, I alienated my friends and family to be with him. But he "didn't believe in" separate finances, so I had to give him my pay checks. I took his controlling as taking care of me, but it just got progressively worse, till he got tired of me. Btw, my money was being spent on other women.

You should RUN, this is not love, it's possession. And if he's checking up on you, suspicious, angry, be careful.
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