Is this insane or is it me? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

 124Likes
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 05:23 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,455
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
Tonight the argument was about the fact that i wanted to go visit my child tomorrow. He said the fact that I didn't plan to tell him until today, was a sure sign I was up to no good. He said with the finances...If we split... I need to back pay all gas and hotel from visiting my child. I had told him that my 10 year was off school tomorrow because of Columbus Day and be said that wasn't true. I had my ex send the email that proves the school is off...and said he thinks it's a falsified document. I said no! It is a holiday! He said i was scamming him or up to no good. Then went on to say that the gas money and wear and tear on car (2 hours) was ridiculous and he didn't see why I needed to see my child again since I spent a weekend with him (1 week ago). He went on to blame my ex for making me feel guilty for not seeing him and said it was his master plan to kill our relationship ... Through a mother's guilt and that I constantly cave to it.
You either leave him now or resign yourself to more of the above kind of crap (which is only the beginning, IMO, of the kind of abuse you can expect from him). The choice is yours and only you can make it...


Last edited by Cosmos; 10-12-2015 at 06:08 AM.
Cosmos is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 05:49 AM
Member
 
NoChoice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

OP,
True we do not know the whole story and are only seeing one side but the side we are seeing is atrocious. His side would have to monumentally persuasive to compensate and if you were in reality that bad he would not be with you. You need to understand that if you marry him it will get worse, not better. I would strongly suggest that you rethink your decision to marry this individual. Your family sees what you cannot, do not be blind to this or you will find yourself trapped in a horrible marriage. At least now you can get out with relative ease.

If you do attempt to leave be prepared for him to don his best Shakespearean costume and become an award winning actor in an effort to make you stay. Two words you should become very familiar with and learn about, manipulative and controlling.

Peace and long life
NoChoice is offline  
post #33 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 06:15 AM
Forum Supporter
 
VeryHurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 3,343
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

S 525 ~

I think you know deep down in your gut what you should do ........you just need to find the guts to do it. Be Strong.
VeryHurt is online now  
 
post #34 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
Yes this morning he woke up all bent out of shape telling me he felt that I was going to be with other men (even though I was going to be with my son). He was having anxiety attacks saying he knew I was up to something. I got mad and said STOP! He went through my phone and saw I was looking at places in another state (it was a bday trip I was planning for him) and he didn't believe me. He said I was up to no good. Then he started crying telling me how much he loved me and he couldn't believe I was leaving him. I said I am NOT!

He said he could sense that I'm on my way out and that I need to understand that my telling him I was going to visit my son for the day (yesterday) has ruined his birthday and any secret plans I have made. He said it's not because I am going to see him but because I didn't discuss it with him at least 48 hours beforehand.

I'm so tired.
solost525 is offline  
post #35 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:20 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,721
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Why are you staying in this relationship?

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is online now  
post #36 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:41 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,689
Lightbulb Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
In marriages where both partners work and make money, but one makes more than the other...how do you split finances?

My partner is insisting on charging me for trips and meals etc 50/50 despite the fact he makes double my salary.

He says if we split finances that's how it has to be done, because he says he wants me to realize how much he gives me and I'll be back begging for his help.
I would think that this scenario is just a tad too extreme!
Posted via Mobile Device

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is online now  
post #37 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:45 AM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
There have been so many good times and we are in love. But, it seems every night there's something new. Another problem. Another fight. I want things to go back to the way they were... And I keep thinking it is possible. That's why I stay.
solost525 is offline  
post #38 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
Today I am with my son. We share locations on our phone. He saw that I took my son out to see the water (via boat deck). And was wanting to know who I am with considering from him vantage via GPS that it's a private deck. It may be but we were just exploring. He immediately said that he thinks I'm with a man. And he said he is angry that his money (our money) is paying for my "galavanting"
solost525 is offline  
post #39 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 03:20 PM
Member
 
norajane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,378
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Honestly, you see how he is and you still stay. That is on you for choosing to live this way and choosing to stay mired in this relationship.

You give him all your paychecks for no good reason and you have NO idea where the money goes. That should have been your first clue how controlling he is. You aren't even married - it's incredible that he would even ask you to give him your paychecks, and I'm flabbergasted and appalled that you have been doing that.

Do you even have enough money for bus fare out of town? Do you have your own savings account? The first thing you need to do is stop giving him your paychecks, save some money and GET OUT.

.
norajane is offline  
post #40 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 03:22 PM
Member
 
norajane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,378
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
There have been so many good times and we are in love. But, it seems every night there's something new. Another problem. Another fight. I want things to go back to the way they were... And I keep thinking it is possible. That's why I stay.
Stop giving him your paychecks and you'll see how quick he falls out of "love" with you.


.
norajane is offline  
post #41 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 03:43 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
If I do that he will charge me half on everything and I can't afford his mortgage or 1100 dollar car payment!

Then he also says he will take gas and hotel from last year of seeing my son from my "credit" of income. I will be worse off!
solost525 is offline  
post #42 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 04:47 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,721
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
If I do that he will charge me half on everything and I can't afford his mortgage or 1100 dollar car payment!
Why would you have to pay half of HIS car payment?

He cannot charge you squat. All he can do is accept what you give him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
Then he also says he will take gas and hotel from last year of seeing my son from my "credit" of income. I will be worse off!
You will never see the money that you are calling "my credit of income". He is taking the money and using is as he sees fit.

You are basically a piggy bank for him.

YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO GIVE HIM YOUR PAYCHECK.

There is no relationship is the world that is worth what you are putting up with.

Instead of going to where he lives when your visit with your son is over, drive to a family member or friends house and ask them to help you leave this abusive man.

Between your real life friends and us here we could walk you through what to do.

Seriously.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is online now  
post #43 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 04:55 PM
Member
 
Fozzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 4,831
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Send him the bill for half of your dating service and tell him to GTFO.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
Fozzy is online now  
post #44 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
It's his extra car that I drive so I have to pay the Payment.

He keeps offering (during fights) to split finances but he always intimidates me into backing off by Saying all the things he would charge me for. I moved into his home and at the time he told me I didn't even need to work. Which was a blatant lie. I see now he lives very far off his budget.

He says he doesn't need my money but he has used it to pay a lot. And last night he offered to his son that he'd pay his college! There is nothing saved for that! When he left I asked him wtf. He told me he just lied to make sure he didn't hold back on scholling... Only he would co-sign a loan for him.

He's about to take a 50k pay cut next month and he is not putting money in his 401k
solost525 is offline  
post #45 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 05:05 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,519
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

There is only one thing for you to do. Get out. Now!

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I think I am going insane perionan Considering Divorce or Separation 2 01-22-2013 04:19 PM
Am I insane? summerB Considering Divorce or Separation 2 10-03-2011 07:23 PM
I'm going insane!! Irish1985 The Men's Clubhouse 17 08-31-2011 07:44 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome