Is this insane or is it me? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

User Tag List

 124Likes
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 06:50 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
Is there anything here that is fair... In your objective opinion?

He gets so angry with me and makes me feel as if I'm the unreasonable person!

I want to make sure it's not just me...

solost525 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 07:03 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3,943
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Good evening
Splitting money is really tricky. I know one couple that agreed to keep separate accounts and each pay an equal share. He suddenly a made a ton of money on stock options and retired. She she ends up working full time for the rest of her life and he never has to work again.

What my wife and I do:
Combine all money into a common pool. Almost everything is paid out of that pool. We then set aside and track "fun money". Money each of us can spend on whatever we want - or save.

This has worked well over the years. Early on I was a student and she made most of the money. Then my income overtook hers by a lot. Then he inherited a ton of money. All works.
richardsharpe is offline  
post #48 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 07:28 PM
Member
 
notmyrealname4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,520
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

A guy expecting a woman to pay her own way is not intrinsically wrong; if they are upfront about it at the beginning and both parties agree to it.

But, OP, what you are describing is not really about finances. It is about control and intimidation.

Don't stay with this guy.

Do you have family who can help you to leave?
notmyrealname4 is offline  
 
post #49 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 08:15 PM
Forum Supporter
 
VeryHurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 3,343
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

It seems to me that HE is in need of intensive therapy.
VeryHurt is offline  
post #50 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 08:50 PM
Administrator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,766
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
Is there anything here that is fair... In your objective opinion?

He gets so angry with me and makes me feel as if I'm the unreasonable person!

I want to make sure it's not just me...
In my objective opinion, there is nothing fair in your relationship.

What he is doing is establishing control at a level that is a HUGE warning sign. His anger, his drama, it's all to get you confused so that he can control you more.

He is using your income to pay off his bills. Stop giving your money to him.

And stop driving his $1,000 a month car. That's a ridiculous car payment. You could buy yourself a good car .. with your own money.

If you will not help yourself and get out of this situation, how can anyone else help you?

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #51 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 09:56 PM
Member
 
happy as a clam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,464
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Sorry folks, but my radar is way up on this one.
Posted via Mobile Device

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly
happy as a clam is offline  
post #52 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:07 PM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
Tonight he went through my medicine cabinet and counted pills. He's trying to imply I use Xanax which was prescribed to me last year. There was one missing pill...from the day I had surgery. It's just a constant battle to prove I'm not a bad person. I have never even done pot. He is just angry I don't want to hang out with his pot smoking friends.
solost525 is offline  
post #53 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,455
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
Tonight he went through my medicine cabinet and counted pills. He's trying to imply I use Xanax which was prescribed to me last year. There was one missing pill...from the day I had surgery. It's just a constant battle to prove I'm not a bad person. I have never even done pot. He is just angry I don't want to hang out with his pot smoking friends.
But you love him, right? If this is a good enough reason for you to stay in such an unhealthy, abusive relationship (and, more importantly, subject your child to it), you really are going to have to learn to accept his crazy-making behaviour.

The choice is yours...

Last edited by Cosmos; 10-12-2015 at 10:59 PM.
Cosmos is offline  
post #54 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:56 PM
Administrator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,766
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
Tonight he went through my medicine cabinet and counted pills. He's trying to imply I use Xanax which was prescribed to me last year. There was one missing pill...from the day I had surgery. It's just a constant battle to prove I'm not a bad person. I have never even done pot. He is just angry I don't want to hang out with his pot smoking friends.
But you put up with it. So apparently you like being mistreated. Is that it?

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #55 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 11:00 PM
Administrator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,766
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

You say you love him.

But you keep complaining about all these abusive controlling things that he does to you. So what about him do you love? A person is only as good as the worse thing that he does.

What kind of a grown man carries on crying, begging, and verbally attacking his girlfriend? A monster. That's the kind of man who does that. What you describe is down right crazy.

Yes I'm sure he knows how to control his behavior in public and so most people do not know what he's really like. But you do. What you see is the real him.


Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #56 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-13-2015, 07:19 AM
Member
 
NoChoice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 1,487
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

OP,
You love him....do you love you? He seems to get worse with each post. An unstable, insecure, controlling, manipulative, narcissistic drug user??? I ask again, do you love you?
NoChoice is offline  
post #57 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-13-2015, 08:21 AM Thread Starter
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 32
I do stay...you are right. When he says jump...I typically say "how high"?

I am so controlled because I'm so "in it". I don't really see all of what's happening in a way that my family must.

My sister recently said that our spouses should bring us closer to God. I believe that's true. And I can't say that is what is happening here.

The only thing I should say that I mischaracterized is The drug use. He does not use drugs. I think he's smoked pot a few times in his life. But, my point is I have NEVER done drugs and for him to say that I might take meds is ridiculous. I am the one who won't even hang out with his friends who do smoke pot.
solost525 is offline  
post #58 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-13-2015, 09:13 AM
Administrator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,766
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
I do stay...you are right. When he says jump...I typically say "how high"?

I am so controlled because I'm so "in it". I don't really see all of what's happening in a way that my family must.

My sister recently said that our spouses should bring us closer to God. I believe that's true. And I can't say that is what is happening here.

The only thing I should say that I mischaracterized is The drug use. He does not use drugs. I think he's smoked pot a few times in his life. But, my point is I have NEVER done drugs and for him to say that I might take meds is ridiculous. I am the one who won't even hang out with his friends who do smoke pot.
He's abusive.

You are so deep into the oxytocin/dopamine high of being in-love that you only see it when it's to the point of you exploding. Then you hide your head in the sand again.

Then add to it that you do not want to have to tell your family and friends that they were right.. he's a controlling ass.

Please find a place that provides counseling for victims of abuse. You need help.

You need to leave this guy. Why not get the things that you absolutely need.. and leave when he's not at home. Go stay somewhere like with family or friends until you can find your own place.

You can get a police escort to be there with you when you get your things. They can remove him from the house so you do not even need to see him. And therefore he cannot play his games?????

Seriously, you are professional woman. You are educated. What are you doing in this mess?


.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #59 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-13-2015, 10:12 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 934
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
My sister recently said that our spouses should bring us closer to God. I believe that's true. And I can't say that is what is happening here.

.
Solost,

He's not going to marry you (and you're quite lucky about that). His behavior doesn't reflect any sort of loving feelings. Everyone is basically saying the same thing.

Whose house do you live in? His or yours? Rented? Purchased? Why not take a small first step (or two) and 1) open a separate bank account and put all of your money into it as someone else said and 2) move out or at least go stay with someone else temporarily. Cut all financial ties.

Do you get along on a friendly basis with your ex? Can you not move closer to your child and therefore see him more often?
Omego is offline  
post #60 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-13-2015, 11:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4,455
Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
My sister recently said that our spouses should bring us closer to God. I believe that's true. And I can't say that is what is happening here.
Not if he / she behaves like the devil incarnate.
Cosmos is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I think I am going insane perionan Considering Divorce or Separation 2 01-22-2013 04:19 PM
Am I insane? summerB Considering Divorce or Separation 2 10-03-2011 07:23 PM
I'm going insane!! Irish1985 The Men's Clubhouse 17 08-31-2011 07:44 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome