Is this insane or is it me? - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #76 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 03:08 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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Originally Posted by solost525 View Post
In marriages where both partners work and make money, but one makes more than the other...how do you split finances?

My partner is insisting on charging me for trips and meals etc 50/50 despite the fact he makes double my salary.

He says if we split finances that's how it has to be done, because he says he wants me to realize how much he gives me and I'll be back begging for his help.
Simple answer - we don't split finances. All our earnings go into a joint pot except for keeping a smallish amount of cash individually for activities we do on our own, presents etc.

Thats not the important bit though. The important bit is that we discuss any significant expenditure, regardless of which pot it comes from. The individual 'play' accounts just allow us to keep an eye on how much we're both spending. I tend to spend a bit more than my wife, because i socialise more. But she tends to spend more on the house and stuff for the baby.

We have had zero problems in this aspect of our marriage.

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post #77 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 04:41 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

Suppose it depends on what you want.

do you want to support him freeloading? do you think you should be entitled to get some freeloading going on?

Personally, after several tough relationships; one with a spouse that spent everything, and loaded up the relationship and house with as much debt as her banking employer would let her.
Separate accounts. A separate account for bills. solid budget, with reasonable labor allowances&expectations and clear division of routine responsibilities&expectations. It will help with your relationship finances such as investing and property to have such things sorted in advance. You'll also find out who is supposed to cook - is it you all the time? what about the washing and vacuuming? Any take out in lieu of cooking must come from that persons own savings, and be for the family, if it's their responsibility night - keep flexibility for hobby nights or visiting others.

If that sounds too hard, or harsh then do you really think a _lifetime_ commitment is going to be easier?

And discuss what is going to happen in case of babies (including unexpected ones!), job loss, major illness.

Far better to have expectations of chores and bills worked out way in advance. And also I'd keep away from 1 pays bills and other does the savings and holidays - such things can go badly very very fast if the relationship has problems, or financial problem occurs (eg identity theft or investment losses).

and just because he (or you) gets more is no reason for them to pay more for basics.

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post #78 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 06:54 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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Simple answer - we don't split finances. All our earnings go into a joint pot except for keeping a smallish amount of cash individually for activities we do on our own, presents etc.

Thats not the important bit though. The important bit is that we discuss any significant expenditure, regardless of which pot it comes from. The individual 'play' accounts just allow us to keep an eye on how much we're both spending. I tend to spend a bit more than my wife, because i socialise more. But she tends to spend more on the house and stuff for the baby.

We have had zero problems in this aspect of our marriage.
Sorry i should have read the thread. This is not about money it is about serious emotional abuse. For your own sake please leave this abusive man. Love and abuse can't reside together.
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post #79 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 07:21 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

So at the end of the day what's gong to happen? Are you going to continue to put up with it and just b!tch about it or get rid of him?
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post #80 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 10:20 AM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

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What does this have to do with the OP's topic? She's not even married. And her boyfriend take all her money controls every penny.

That's funny... when I got a divorce he was making more than double what I made. I got zero. That's even after me putting him through medical school and residency.

Alimony is awarded in only about 15% of all divorces. Many states do not have it or it's only after decades of marriage and the lower earning spouse is too old to support themselves.
The OP WAS asking for information as to what happens in marriages and that's what I gave.

Sorry that you had the experience that you did but I'm kinda miffed I can't get out of my marriage without losing everything. There's countless stories out there of men losing everything in divorces and one of my best friends went through a divorce and lost everything to.

I don't know what your H did to avoid giving you much more but every time I go to a lawyer to try to work on getting a divorce, the answer is the same, that I would owe both alimony and child support even though our youngest is 19 and the amount owed would be about 70%. This was true in all four states that we have lived in. I don't know what more I can say. I wish it wasn't true, that it works the way you say it does, that I could walk into a lawyer's office, go to court, get a divorce and owe nothing but that's not the way it works for men. If that's the case I've lived through absolute hell for 20 years without needing to.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #81 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-20-2015, 06:03 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

This thread makes me sad; I'm afraid the OP will marry the bum and live in misery forever.

OP, your family isn't wrong. Just accept that.
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post #82 of 82 (permalink) Old 10-21-2015, 10:19 PM
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Re: Is this insane or is it me?

The OP is banned for multiple accounts....

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