Re: Is this insane or is it me?
It would appear that you and your H have vastly differing views on finances and savings and also what you each determine to be frivolous and/or exuberant spending. You value manicures and pedicures and he favors vacations and holidays yet it seems you both value things before saving for a wedding. Do you find this troubling?
My wife and I both work and I earn approximately 110-120% more than she. However, I have never considered her "contribution" to our marriage to be in any way less than mine. She does additional things at home that I find to be of great value and truth be told, considering all things, she most likely gives more to the marriage than I do and I greatly appreciate it. We pool all of our finances together and I could not delineate hers from mine if I had to. It is all for us. She does not place a high value on manicures and pedicures and such but if she did, as long as we could work out a reasonably equitable compromise as to frequency and expense then I would not have a problem with it.
It appears your H feels that he wields control over you because of your earning inequality and that seems petty and unfitting a caring SO. Perhaps his feelings for you are more ambiguous than you realize and you should consider rethinking your impending nuptials. At the very least you two should work out what you both see as a fair and equitable financial arrangement going forward before entering into wedlock. Clarity on this subject prior to marriage would seem prudent and advisable. Good fortune to you.
Peace and long life