Lies from the beginning
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Financial Problems in Marriage » Lies from the beginning

Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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Old 08-08-2011, 09:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Married 2 yrs. Found out husband has 10 years of unfiled taxes (around $50000.00) probably owing. $7500 in unemployment he has to pay back and $7800 on a trailer w/his 2nd wife that was repoed in 1997. All of which I knew nothing about. I have worked hard my whole life. I am not sure I am willing to work the rest of my life to pay off his debt that I had nothing to do with. Am I wrong?
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Old 08-08-2011, 10:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Wow! No, I don't think you're wrong. That's a massive amount of debt to be hiding. A couple grand on a credit card could have been an oversight, an "oops! I forgot" kind of thing, but that much money is not easily forgotten.

I think, if you didn't stay, it wouldn't be so much about how much he owes and that you would be paying/helping to pay off that debt, but more about the fact that he hid it and lied to you. I know for me, anyway, that's what it would be.

If he'd told you from the start and allowed you to make an informed decision to stay, knowing that he had that debt, that would have been one thing. Then if you'd decided to stay and were here now questioning this, I'd have said that you knew what you were getting into and you should deal.

But he didn't do that. I don't know that this meets the legal definition of fraud, but it sure seems to me like it would be fraud in a sense.

The real question is, even if you left him now, would you be held responsible for any of his debt? I know there are some states where the debt automatically becomes your debt, too, upon marriage. That's what I'd be worried about right now.
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The only smart thing I did was not legally change my name. I have spoke to a few people in the legal field and they tell me I'm not liable. It has just been one thing after another. He lied from the start as he was still married and I had no idea until we had been seeing eachother for 3 or 4 months and go a call from his wife. Of course, not using my head I listened to him saying how unhappy he was as would get a divorce. Then he said it had been filed as one point but it took my mom driving to the county courthouse to find out he was also lying about that. When confronted he got the divorce FINALLY. I should have ran from the beginning. I am just kicking myself for believing in him. Somehow he can always make me feel guilty and its nothing I did. Think I have alot of thinking to do and choices to make soon. Thanks for your input
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Old 08-08-2011, 11:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Good luck to you. I am sad to see that from teh beginning he was lyaing to you not only about his finances but also about his wife. 2 major strikes against him. Not healthy at all. Unfortunately, what else would he possibly be hiding?
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Old 08-08-2011, 01:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Whoa is right!
1) Do you love him enough to stay with him?
2) How did you find this out? Did he tell you or did you stumble upon the information?
3) Does he have a plan to pay it off or was marrying you part of his plan?
4) Get your own account without him having access to it ASAP. Protect yourself dear! You don't know what else he's hiding.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. And remember, comedian George Lopez's wife gave him one of her kidneys. Then they divorced. Keep your stuff in your name!
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Old 08-08-2011, 04:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Yikes. Starting off a relationship with lies is never a good thing.

Hope you find the strength to do what is right.
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by dawn70 View Post
Married 2 yrs. Found out husband has 10 years of unfiled taxes (around $50000.00) probably owing. $7500 in unemployment he has to pay back and $7800 on a trailer w/his 2nd wife that was repoed in 1997. All of which I knew nothing about. I have worked hard my whole life. I am not sure I am willing to work the rest of my life to pay off his debt that I had nothing to do with. Am I wrong?
i am in a similar situation to you....read back through my previous posts for the details....i have been living with my fiance for a bit over a year and i just now found out she owes 65,000 in consumer debt which i knew nothing about....

do you want to run away with me?....LOL im just kidding
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
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WOW! That's a lot to lie about. What are you going to do?

My husband owed 38,000 on credit cards when we met. Now he owes 2,000 HE has been paying them off. Not me.
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:37 AM   #9 (permalink)
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WOW! That's a lot to lie about. What are you going to do?

My husband owed 38,000 on credit cards when we met. Now he owes 2,000 HE has been paying them off. Not me.
did he tell you about it before hand?

the thing bothering me most is not the money....its the fact that i was never informed about it....i basically found out on my own when the bill collectors started calling....she didnt tell me about it until she HAD to tell me about it....
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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did he tell you about it before hand?

the thing bothering me most is not the money....its the fact that i was never informed about it....i basically found out on my own when the bill collectors started calling....she didnt tell me about it until she HAD to tell me about it....
Oh yea. We told each other our debts (mine is a student loan) and even showed each other our bank statements LOL

Oh and credit scores. He still married me even though mine sucked HAAHAH He was in the 800s.
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