Re: Lies from the beginning
Wow! No, I don't think you're wrong. That's a massive amount of debt to be hiding. A couple grand on a credit card could have been an oversight, an "oops! I forgot" kind of thing, but that much money is not easily forgotten.
I think, if you didn't stay, it wouldn't be so much about how much he owes and that you would be paying/helping to pay off that debt, but more about the fact that he hid it and lied to you. I know for me, anyway, that's what it would be.
If he'd told you from the start and allowed you to make an informed decision to stay, knowing that he had that debt, that would have been one thing. Then if you'd decided to stay and were here now questioning this, I'd have said that you knew what you were getting into and you should deal.
But he didn't do that. I don't know that this meets the legal definition of fraud, but it sure seems to me like it would be fraud in a sense.
The real question is, even if you left him now, would you be held responsible for any of his debt? I know there are some states where the debt automatically becomes your debt, too, upon marriage. That's what I'd be worried about right now.