Lying about money
- married 13 years
- 4 kids between 3 and 12 years old
- kids are homeschooled; this is our 1st year doing this
- Husband (me) the breadwinner, wife a SAHM up until a year ago
- I work at home full-time, she works 2 days a week (part-time) outside the home and also works from home while not tending to the kids' needs as it pertains to their schooling
- 1 joint checking account from which bills are paid and we each have separate checking accounts of our own
My wife and I have trust issues and our marriage is likely coming to an end before too long. With that said, she's taken to lying about how much money she has so as to not have to contribute sufficiently toward our household expenses. I assume it's b/c she sees the end of our marriage drawing near and she's taking steps to become self-supportive. I've suspected it ever since she decided to get a part-time job, but I saw proof yesterday when I saw a chat message from her to her sister that she expects to have $1000 paid to her from her clients (she's a contractor) this month. Problem is, she told me earlier in the day she only expects to get around $200. She told me that after I told her that we're in the red this month and I'll need her to contribute enough to keep us in the black. This is very saddening for me, as if all our other issues (for another thread) weren't enough.
Now, I've recently been dishonest about money, too, but for different reasons. For example, I told her she'd need to buy some groceries for a few weeks because I didn't have the money, but I was actually just setting some aside because both our cars were in need of repair. Those are the things I've had (chosen, I guess) to do to get her to contribute. Being straight with her hasn't worked because her priorities are way different from mine.
Finances have been pretty tight the past few years, but we've been making it one way or another, and, truth be told, our financial difficulties have more to do with our decisions than anything else (e.g., I make enough to support the family, but we don't have much disposable income). With the aforementioned trust issues, she went so far as to state that her doing part-time work is more or less an insurance policy against our inevitable split. I understand that she's taking steps to be able to support herself, but doing so dishonestly and at the expense of the household is flat-out maddening, primarily due to the effect it has on our kids.
I have not confronted her about all this for a few reasons: first, it'll probably lead to an argument; secondly, I doubt she'll be honest with me; lastly, she tends to become unresponsive when her back is against the wall. So in that vein, logic tells me "why bother?"
This is looking to be the straw that breaks the camel's back for me, and what I'd like to do is ask her to leave, however I have yet to formulate a plan on how I could financially support 2 households and homeschool 4 children while working full-time.
So in the meantime, does anyone have any ideas about how I can feel less taken-advantage-of? I'm at whit's end on how best to go on living day-to-day in my household.
Thanks in advance.