try to talk to husband about budgeting better - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
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try to talk to husband about budgeting better

I feel like I'm in a losing battle. I have always handled our finances our whole marriage. With our regular 40 hour take home pay between the two of us, we make just enough to make ends meet with very little left . I look at any overtime or bonus pay as extra money that I try to tuck away so we have some sort of savings to speak of. The problem is when I try to bring up budgeting to my husband, I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. We are having a problem where we are nickel and diming ourselves to death with misc purchases like going to the grocery store for various things, trips to other various stores for things that are not necessities. When I bring this up to him, I just get the long sigh, and "yes dear....." I feel like I can't effectively talk to him about finances and setting budgets for ourselves. I don't want to coming off as a constant nag when I say to him there is only x amount of $$ left in the checking account this week. Then I get frustrated because he will go ahead and spend twice what is left and have to pull $$ out of the savings so we don't get hit with an overdraft charge. I want to put the app on his phone for our bank account but I don't think that will help because he'll just see the dollar amount and not take into account any bill payments that have not cleared. I have also said to him to take over responsibility of the finances he didn't want to. I strive so hard to make sure everything is paid on time and try to set some aside, but it isn't working anymore. He thinks we have all this money and we really don't, not with the cost of living that continues to keep going up and up.... looking for advice on what to do.....

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 01:01 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

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I have also said to him to take over responsibility of the finances he didn't want to.
Why in the world would you suggest that given his financial irresponsibility??
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 01:11 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

Remove his access to main accounts. Give him his own account. And an allowance. When he is out of money, he is out of money.

If he is going to act like a child, treat him like one.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

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Why in the world would you suggest that given his financial irresponsibility??
my thinking is maybe it would open his eyes to see exactly what is coming and what is going out.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2015, 01:12 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

My wife and I never combined our finances. We split the bills 50/50 and if she runs out of cash, then she runs out of cash.

Never have we had a argument about money. 15 years, not a single argument.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-10-2015, 11:24 AM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

Do not let him take over the finances! That's what I did many many years ago because I got tired of him "giving" me what he thought was enough money to cover bills and then I would have to dip into the savings and "rob Peter to pay Paul" scenario. He told me he could do it better so I have it all to him. It was not a good move on my part but at the time I was so exasperated I just didn't care. My story is worthy of its own post, but another day. At present, I am trying to clean up a mess that he got us into with his excessive spending (there is also alcoholism involved on his part) and I am very resentful. I say give him his own account with an allowance for his purchases. He has to learn to budget his own money, and when he runs out, he runs out. Keep all the other money for household bills, expenses, savings, etc. And plan a vacation on your own, you deserve it!
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-10-2015, 12:22 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

As long as you have savings what he knows about he wont stop. Why save instead of spend. The trick is that he shouldnt know you have savings. Somehow get him to understand that.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:01 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

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Originally Posted by cam1974 View Post
I feel like I'm in a losing battle. I have always handled our finances our whole marriage. With our regular 40 hour take home pay between the two of us, we make just enough to make ends meet with very little left . I look at any overtime or bonus pay as extra money that I try to tuck away so we have some sort of savings to speak of. The problem is when I try to bring up budgeting to my husband, I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. We are having a problem where we are nickel and diming ourselves to death with misc purchases like going to the grocery store for various things, trips to other various stores for things that are not necessities. When I bring this up to him, I just get the long sigh, and "yes dear....." I feel like I can't effectively talk to him about finances and setting budgets for ourselves. I don't want to coming off as a constant nag when I say to him there is only x amount of $$ left in the checking account this week. Then I get frustrated because he will go ahead and spend twice what is left and have to pull $$ out of the savings so we don't get hit with an overdraft charge. I want to put the app on his phone for our bank account but I don't think that will help because he'll just see the dollar amount and not take into account any bill payments that have not cleared. I have also said to him to take over responsibility of the finances he didn't want to. I strive so hard to make sure everything is paid on time and try to set some aside, but it isn't working anymore. He thinks we have all this money and we really don't, not with the cost of living that continues to keep going up and up.... looking for advice on what to do.....
YNAB. Personal Budget Software - Finance Software for Windows & Mac

If it were me, I would have him have his own debit card/account until he can demonstrate responsible spending.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-14-2015, 01:05 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

Remove his access to the accounts; give him a separate account as Nobody Special said, and when he whines about money, just shrug and say "this is MY lifelong financial situation, too, and you've proven yourself unreliable and harmful. Until you can prove you can stick to a budget, a budget is what you'll get."

In a nicer way, of course.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2015, 05:48 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

Have you tried to talk to him about this outside of the house? How about outside of a negative conversation or argument? Try dealing with the actual root of the problem before making any drastic changes. His lack of compliance may have to do with something other than money. If it is totally about two different financial philosophies, try to create win/win solutions and he may respond better.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2015, 06:32 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

Have you told him that the savings is off limits?

Like others have said, set up a budget. X amount for food each month, split into 4 8-day weeks. That way you won't spend all the food money in the first week. It is easier to stop buying food for just a couple of days, than for 2 weeks if the $ is spent to fast.

Allow a specific amt. for other things, and when it is gone that month, it is gone. Each of you should have some "mad $" to do with what you want. Seriously, ours is only $20 a month each, because we are paying down debt H allowed to accumulate, shuffling $ around to keep us above water, all the while the main debt was growing.

Having a budget is awesome! Have you looked into Dave Ramsey? It is a good starting place. Your husband needs to be on board for it to work. You can have monthly meetings to discuss the budget and adjust is as you need.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2015, 06:50 PM
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Re: try to talk to husband about budgeting better

I have opened a second checking account and when we get paid I immediately move all the money for bills to that account, that he does not have a debit card to. What is left is spent for a night out to eat, lunch out, or buying a non necessity this has helped out a lot for us.
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