My husband won't work and won't allow me to work
Hi. I am very new to forums. My husband reads different ones all the time, but I'm not one to do so. I really need someone to talk to and I don't want to go to friends or family in fear of judgement (not to mention if my husband remotely thinks I'm talking to anyone about him, that's another added fight). I just really need good advice, and not sure which way to go. My husband and I have seen a couple of therapists, but each time it gets deeper into our lives, or the therapist require him to do something, he decides he's done going.
I'll start by giving a quick preface of our marriage. I am in my mid 30's and started dating my now husband when I was in high school. I moved on to graduating from a major university with a bachelors degree, while my husband didn't even finish high school. He has always been a controlling man. He "worked" for his dad's business while I was in college and throughout the first few years of our marriage. He was paid a salary for basically showing up to have lunch with his dad. He was literally paid to do nothing. Yes, being young and having a decent income worked great for me at the time. However about 6 years ago his dads business went under and he has sat at home ever since. We have two kids- 11 and 7. We have had cars repossessed, our house in foreclosure status multiple times (as it is now), and a ton of debt. I began working a sales type position about 5 years ago. I have grown to make a decent living. However, it is not enough to support our family of 4. Being the type of job it is, he knows I could technically work it from home most of the time. I do have a very nice office not too far from our house that I would much rather prefer to work at. If I attempt to work from home, it either turns into cleaning the house, hanging out with him, and just waiting to run to carpool. But each day I do try to go to the office, I am sent at least 60 texts during a 5 hour period, and called over a dozen times. Most of my office days are spent shaking and sometimes crying because of how hard of a morning he has made it with the "text wars". If I attempt to have lunch with anyone from work, I better give him at least a week notice, or he has a fit because I'm not having lunch with him. Keep in mind that we have two BOYS (which will never grow up to be real men witnessing this)- each morning I get up, get both kids up, get them fed, dressed, bags packed, and brought to school all while he SLEEPS. I am there to pick my kids up every single day and then do the nightly routine of homework, dinner, cleaning, baths, etc. He has a rage problem that lashes out every few weeks, and puts young children involved in things they should never witness. I do have family here and know they would support me if I left. I know, as everyone with kids, am trying to keep it together for the kids to not have a divorced family. I just don't know how much I can handle this anymore. I have set deadlines, and it is my own fault for not adhering to them. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!!