Wifes logic about money vs reality - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #16 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:16 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

Counselling re: money. ASAP. Yours, hers and ours for the money. Figure out a system that works for everyone.

My H has a business. I'm employed with a very good income. He pays monthly bills, my income basically goes to savings except for soft expenses like groceries, gas, etc. My job covers health insurance, pension, etc.

If his LOC gets high before he pays it off, nature of his business, then I cover some major expenses. Excess income from his business 1) pays off debt if we have any, 2) gets invested for our retirement twice a year.

We also budget at tax time for any major expenditures (e.g. renos) and an annual vacation, which is booked in advance each year. We schedule rest and relaxation for the family.

Works for us, but everyone is different.

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post #17 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:36 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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Sit down and relax...Look at this as a long haul...not WE HAVE TO PAY EVERYTHING OFF NOW.....Get a little perspective on things, and then tell your wife she is going to pick up some of the slack on a regular basis...Either give her a certain number of bills each month, or a certain amount of cash in a bills only account...Look at getting squared away over the next two years....And make sure she knows her help is vital, and much appreciated...
^i agree. if you are failing to get through to her about a budget, then the only way is to separate the finances. She needs her own account for her paycheck, and she has x amount of bills that she is responsible for paying, and then what's left over is her fun money.

alternately, you could put her on a cash budget. The envelope system is popular with Dave Ramsey followers. ie: this is your money after bills. buy groceries, kids lunch money, clothes, shoes etc. whatever is left over is yours to do with what you want. If it's easier, you could load that amount on a prepaid card for her and take all other cards away so that she can still shop on amazon. It's drastic, but if she's dragging you under financially then you have to do what's best for the family as a whole.

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post #18 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:39 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

Guessing your business is a sole proprietorship. You are your business and file a schedule C. If so, the schedule C goes along with your 1040 which you both sign. Accounting wise the business is separate, but responsibility wise it's not separate from you.

I see this as a marriage problem. In a marriage (without unity) we can wrongly think in terms of "AND" or "OR" logic. If your marriage is working on AND logic. Then "No" is controlling your relationship - there's no leadership. Example, I want to pay off the debt but she says no. If "yes" is controlling your relationship - someone is dominating. In marriage 1 + 1 = 1. You guys need to work on that.
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post #19 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:43 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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^i agree. if you are failing to get through to her about a budget, then the only way is to separate the finances. She needs her own account for her paycheck, and she has x amount of bills that she is responsible for paying, and then what's left over is her fun money.

alternately, you could put her on a cash budget. The envelope system is popular with Dave Ramsey followers. ie: this is your money after bills. buy groceries, kids lunch money, clothes, shoes etc. whatever is left over is yours to do with what you want. If it's easier, you could load that amount on a prepaid card for her and take all other cards away so that she can still shop on amazon. It's drastic, but if she's dragging you under financially then you have to do what's best for the family as a whole.
I thought my wife invented those stupid "Bill" envelopes...I was the wage earner, she handled paying the bills..I would say "give me some gas money" she would dig through piles of envelopes looking for the "right $20".....
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post #20 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:45 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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We have been thru dave ramsey, I agree with everything he says. We just were living beyond our means and had no real way to get it under control unless we both participated, with her not only not having income, but also increasing expenses, im suprized we made it at all. To make any of DR stuff work, you first have to make more than you spend...period.
I'm pretty sure any budgeting plan requires that, not just the ones from Dave Ramsey...

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post #21 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:57 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

nah, it's popular. honestly, i don't think it's that efficient. it's not like if there's no gas money in the gas money envelope, then you stop driving your car to work. keeping a spreadsheet of expenses like that based on receipts/bank statements should be sufficient, and simply staying under a general limit. If you can't stay under, then you don't get fun money left over. simple as that.

but sending the less frugal spouse to the grocery with only cash in an envelope works wonders. Even better if they can only take cash clothes shopping. It really makes you rethink want vs. need. If they don't have access to money earmarked for bills or the business, then they can't overspend into those funds.

OP could just remove all the funds for bills/business into a separate account and leave her the rest in the family account, but if she's not willing to understand the budget, then she'll just bounce checks or overdraft the account. She needs to be caught up to speed, and if not willing, then limited to handing the funds she is willing to understand.

Forget enough to get over it, remember enough so it doesn't happen again.
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post #22 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 03:58 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

Given that she is new to making her own money, I am skeptical she will be open to any kind of control system like Ramsey.

Given the nature of the OP's business, this might be a system that could work for him, however.
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post #23 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 05:26 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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I thought my wife invented those stupid "Bill" envelopes...I was the wage earner, she handled paying the bills..I would say "give me some gas money" she would dig through piles of envelopes looking for the "right $20".....
I did that for awhile many years ago. It does work.

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post #24 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-22-2015, 08:44 PM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

OP I can relate. What some people don't understand is that as a self employed person, the business is personal. There is no separation.

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post #25 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 06:07 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

Those damn envelopes! While working as a teller, had several customers bring in the paycheck and the envelopes and request that I divide the money and put it in the envelopes and seal them. Had to inform them that I could divide but they had to count to confirm and place them in the envelopes themselves. The transaction took 3 times as long as any other with customers in line getting mad as hell.

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post #26 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 06:48 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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OP I can relate. What some people don't understand is that as a self employed person, the business is personal. There is no separation.
This isn't necessarily true. The place I work is just the owner and me. The owner keeps all expenses and debt separate from personal. Work is work, home is home. What can change is the dividends taken so they pay themselves a livable wage as a base and treat dividends as extra income. You can't rely on or budget based on good months.
The business also typically only gets paid for items bought 6 months later so there needs to be enough budget planning within it to accommodate that.


But regardless, there are different methods of budgeting irregular income.
How to Budget Irregular Income

But having 3 accounts- 2 personal for each of you and 1 for household bills that are separate from any business accounts would be a good idea. She gets as much spending money as is planned and once it's gone, it's gone.
If there is a month with extra cash, it gets put into an emergency fund or goes to pay down chunks of personal debt that will save interest in the long term.
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post #27 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 07:07 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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This isn't necessarily true. The place I work is just the owner and me. The owner keeps all expenses and debt separate from personal. Work is work, home is home. What can change is the dividends taken so they pay themselves a livable wage as a base and treat dividends as extra income. You can't rely on or budget based on good months.
The business also typically only gets paid for items bought 6 months later so there needs to be enough budget planning within it to accommodate that.


But regardless, there are different methods of budgeting irregular income.
How to Budget Irregular Income

But having 3 accounts- 2 personal for each of you and 1 for household bills that are separate from any business accounts would be a good idea. She gets as much spending money as is planned and once it's gone, it's gone.
If there is a month with extra cash, it gets put into an emergency fund or goes to pay down chunks of personal debt that will save interest in the long term.
The place you WORK it is just the OWNER and you. You are not the owner. It is NOT your business. The OWNER's business is his income. it is personal to the owner. He has to budget the money. Paying you is one of his expenses. If he he doesn't make enough to pay his expenses, including your salary, then he doesn't get paid himself that week, or month, or year.
That is one reason why I never took on help. I didn't want to be responsible for someone else's livelihood. Although in effect my ex was my "employee"
When I was married I had business accounts and personal accounts. I drew a regular amount out of my business account as a salary. But if there wasn't money in my business account to pay for what was due, I often had to take money out of my personal account to pay it or I didn't take my regular draw because the money wasn't there. Many in small business do this all the time. That is one of the drawbacks of having a small business. Having an LOC helped smooth that out. But then that stole from future income.
My ex could never understand the ups and downs of having a small business and I was constantly scrambling to keep up with her wants and needs. Since I have gotten divorced and only worry about myself now, my finances have gotten much easier to handle and I have been able to save consistently.
The problem was I was always trying to solve a problem that had two variables (business income and ex/family) that didn't often sync with each other.

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post #28 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 09:23 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

I know the money end of things where I work, that's part of my job.

If the business didn't make enough to pay a wage to the owner and employees and/or pay for it's own expenses it would not be a worthwhile business and I would suggest finding something different.
Starting up there may be some bumps along the road but once you're well into it you should have consistent enough profit to pay for expenses and wages and money put away for any bad months that may come up.
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post #29 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 10:45 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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I know the money end of things where I work, that's part of my job.

If the business didn't make enough to pay a wage to the owner and employees and/or pay for it's own expenses it would not be a worthwhile business and I would suggest finding something different.
Starting up there may be some bumps along the road but once you're well into it you should have consistent enough profit to pay for expenses and wages and money put away for any bad months that may come up.
The issue of whether the business can pay its own expenses is not the question. The question is a matter of cash flow. And cash flow and expenses do not always work in sync with each other. I can guarantee you that if the cash flow dries up for whatever reason, the person who owns the business is going to effected personally, because in order to keep the concern going expenses must be paid. You as an employee, will get paid, but the owner will take the hit one way or another.

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post #30 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-23-2015, 11:09 AM
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Re: Wifes logic about money vs reality

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The issue of whether the business can pay its own expenses is not the question. The question is a matter of cash flow. And cash flow and expenses do not always work in sync with each other. I can guarantee you that if the cash flow dries up for whatever reason, the person who owns the business is going to effected personally, because in order to keep the concern going expenses must be paid. You as an employee, will get paid, but the owner will take the hit one way or another.
Well like I said the only thing that changes is the amount of dividends taken but since the owner is paid a wage they can live on the dividends are extra cash, not planned cash.
There is never a time when things get so bad that the owner can't pay themselves their normal wage or the business can't fund the expenses until we get paid for the work and needs to use any personal money to float.

And I'm super glad for that because it would make the books a lot harder to work on

It's just planning, budgeting and if the business is successful or not. This business, BTW, is a family one. I will own it someday and I will use the same method when I do.

I wouldn't be ok if H had a business that required him to use personal money to float or couldn't pay himself a decent, regular wage. Sounds way too up in the air and unstable for me. I like knowing what money is coming in, what's going out and what I need to save.
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