- let me add a little more food for thought, in addition to all the good advice you are getting here:
There is a (good?) chance that deep down inside, your wife does NOT want to know how your business (or your household) finances work. And that is going to be a continual barrier, adding friction to everything you try. Some part of her wishes you just made enough money to do what she wants, and for it to be supplied without interruption, hassle, or accountability. ( Let me run with this thought for a bit, and see if it or something similar sheds light on her dynamic about money, marriage, etc )
Other parts of her (for lack of a better term) are grounded in the reality of the moment - when you don't have enough money, etc, and need to deal with a specific situation. But when the danger (situation) has passed, her mind reverts back to wishing things were (plentiful/hassle-free etc), and she loses the focus. Which is why she keeps slipping back to the state of not understanding the problem, or doing anything to improve the future. Living (care-free, or at least care-reduced ) financially in the moment is where she wants to be. Tomorrow is your problem, not hers. This is probably an idea she got in her head in her youth, about how things are "supposed" to be (had she picked a good enough (aka successful/rich enough) husband.
This doesn't mean she's a classic gold digger, etc. Just that she has this inner narrative and it sort of acts like a 'baseline' which she reverts to. She says to herself "I'm the woman/wife/mother and it's not my job to deal with xxxx - it's his job. I SHOULD NOT have to concern myself with these things (and thus does so only begrudgingly)" She doesn't come out and say this for maybe multiple reasons: she feels she shouldn't have to, she doesn't fully realize it in a self-aware way, she knows she's "supposed to" step up and help in times of need (though wishes she didn't ever have to), she feels it's her fault for not marrying "better" money-wise and has to suffer through it, etc, etc. And when it's 'not her responsibility', it makes it easy for her to give you crap for not 'doing your job' by making enough, rather than seeing things as a true partnership and 'we're in this together'.
Also wrapping herself up in the "mommy" role may intensify her feelings that she 'deserves' the impulse spending she does, especially if it is 'for the kids'.
None of this means she doesn't love you, or wants to trade you in for an investment banker (though it can make your relationship more vulnerable t that). I just want you to consider that she may have built-in ideas and biases about roles and money that go waaay back in her mind, and they contribute to the Groundhog Day / Treadmill nature of these issues.
Finally, if something like what I just described is going on, then to make real change that lasts you may need to stop treating her as an equal partner when it comes to money, and run both your finances more akin to a dictatorship. If deep inside she see making all the money as your responsibility, then you will need to exercise unequal power over it for the good of your family.