Wifes logic about money vs reality
I keep beating my head against a wall here with my wife.
The back story in summary..
4 years in, I have been the sole provider for our money, I am self employed business owner. Wife went to nursing school and has finally graduated and now is working full time ~36 hrs per week.
As any business, we have good months and bad ones. We had to scrape by sometimes on the slow months, and I also wound up getting into some business debt and personal debt, because we were a 1 income home, with 2 kids.
Now, we have 2 incomes, and my wife seems to think that things are magically changed. I showed her on paper countless times how HUGE our budget was for a single family. In the long run, its going to get us ahead, but I don't think were going to see some real progress for at least another couple months. Were looking at probably a 100k plus income at this point vs 60-70k with my income alone.
Were renting a house, and after all bills, untilities, car payments, food etc its still upwards of $6k a month for our budget, which IMO is INSANE!! Only one car payment is in there, but there is a lot going towards debt.
She has only been working for 2 months tops, and Im in a season where there is a lot of ups and downs in business. She also insisted in putting my stepson in football, which means 3 nights a week of taking him to practice, games on weekends etc. She also doesn't understand the time cost associated with this, I was having to rush home and try to be there by 5pm on those days, which of course hurts my ability to get work done, which also leads to making less money on those days. Another disconnect.
Now that she has income, I can focus more on getting the business out of debt, because that is the biggest source of our income, it needs the most attention, and its not much, just short term $2-3k of debt. I bring this up, and she automatically goes into 'I don't understand how we are still in debt' mode.
Then another argument that has been coming up is 'My paycheck shouldn't ever go towards your business'. Which infuriates me, because I put my business in DEBT to pay our bills on some occasions!!! Seems pretty one sided huh?
Another thing, her income is decent, not awesome, but we also have an increase in child care costs, so that offsets some of it.
She seems to thing things are automatically fixed, and that its ok if we just spend extra on things here and there.
She is not one to track her spending, ever. I always had to show her how were were 'both' nickel and diming the crap out of our money to the tune of $20-30 at a time.
I have tried budgeting, and she says shes willing to get on board, but what that really means is me having to do all of it.
So this week, were visiting family for Thanksgiving, bought the ticket a month ago. Im losing an entire week of income myself. I have a payment to a supplier that HAS to get paid, and some of it just plain needs to come out of her income too. Its the last big chunk of my business debt then im pretty much in the clear. Im doing the math, between shop rent and personal bills were going to be ok, but no margin for error. Im also waiting on getting paid from customers, so the timing of leaving is horrible but it is what it is. I work on cars as half of my business, and sometimes we wind up having to order parts, and wait, and then get paid later.
Im getting grilled like im a horrible person and my business is just failing now and she just has to pick up all the slack. Never mind the logic of this being a short month, not like were slammed with work, not that its horrible, but its just average. And with me gone my income is all but cut off.
Im getting a disconnect with her with cause vs. effect. She doesn't seem to see how leaving effects anything, and life should just go on normal and her income just picks up the slack, and should not have to pay for business bills. Showing her math and how budgeting works doesn't help because she will forget in 2 days and be right back to 'I thought things were just ok' again.
I just don't think she appreciates all the sacrifice that happened when she was in school, or the fact that what little income she got while in school ended shortly (GI bill from the military was there for maybe the first year of our marriage).
Business just has ups and downs, it doesn't mean anyone is doing something wrong. Were incredibly lucky that we were able to make it for as long as we did, with her for one thing COSTING money instead of bringing any in.
Sorry if this all seems a little much to take in, I just feel distrusted right now. Honestly I wasn't up front about the business debt, because I didn't want her to worry too much about it, because shes the type that the 'world is coming to and end' during those conversations.
I also don't feel like I get taken seriously, I have said countless times that this trip is a stretch, but then I see she just goes ahead and spends money on stuff that's not essential at all and wonders why I get mad about it. The attitude is that now that she makes money, she should be able to just spend without asking.
I don't like to think this way, but I also think about how much cheaper the single life was. Expenses have tripled but income hasn't lol. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but at the same time its hell, if I had a partner that was less of an emotional based spender it would help, but that's not my situation.
This has just came to a head with the the current circumstances. Were we staying home instead of traveling, I would be making money and not spending, so its just the combination of all of that, and now Im the bad guy because its that way. Of course if we didn't go back to visit family this week, it would be resentment and guilt tripping for months.