Irresponsible with money - help! - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-26-2011, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Irresponsible with money - help!

My husband is very irresponsible when it comes to money. He has not paid the CSA for a year and also has a large credit card bill, both of which I have addressed to ensure he is now trying to pay them off but the payments are too much and he now hasn't paid the mortgage for 2 months. He does nothing about it, just buries his head in the sand. I've tried everything to get him to face his responsibilities and he won't. I am very responsible and currently pregnant but the stress is becoming too much. What are my options?
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-26-2011, 02:34 PM
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

Take the financial responsibilities out of his hands? Give him a weekly allowance, no credit or bank cards? Have the mortgage payment come directly out of your bank account the day after payday? Financial counseling?

C
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-26-2011, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

Hi, Thanks for the advice. I have done all those things for the past 6 months. The problem is with his debt repayments he needs to take a second job or sort out a loan to cover the payments as his salary doesn't do it. I've tried talking to him about this many times but he refuses to budge, does nothing and then starts blaming me.

I've left his account so that the mortgage payment still comes out on the same day despite the fact that this will take him over his overdraft limit to see if a letter from the bank will work. However, the payment simply bounces and he doesn't care. I don't want to default on the mortgage but nor do I want to pay his share as this will not solve the deeper issue that he is acting completely irresponsibly and with a baby on the way I need to be able to rely on him and not always pick up all the financial pieces.

I've considered divorce but I know he will refuse to leave the house and not cover his share of the mortgage. I don't know what my legal position is in this situation? I think, as it's a joint mortgage, I would be penalised for the complete amount not being paid.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-01-2011, 04:31 PM
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

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Originally Posted by PBear View Post
Take the financial responsibilities out of his hands? Give him a weekly allowance, no credit or bank cards? Have the mortgage payment come directly out of your bank account the day after payday? Financial counseling?

C
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That would be so lovely in a perfect world, but, if he is anything like my man, he will not give up control of one dime. SO, good luck with that.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-02-2011, 01:42 AM
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

maybe i'm wrong here, but maybe he's acting this way because of the baby coming. like he's reverting to a more immature version of himself?? especially if this is fairly new behavior (last 6 mos.?) he has to be the one to step up & handle family biz.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:15 AM
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

As a previous poster said, you all probably need financial counseling. You also mentioned that YOU don't want the mortgage to default. Well, he has to want this too. Personally, if it was my husband's responsbility to take care of the mortgate, I would let him take care of it. If it defaults, its his fault and he needs to clean up the mess. As long as you're covering for him, he'll never get it.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-12-2011, 05:45 PM
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Re: Irresponsible with money - help!

I would make plans to move and find a place that YOU can afford on your own. Move. Take over control over all money and remove your name from any of his previouis debts so that, if he defaults on them, HE will go to jail or whatever it is they do to deadbeats where you live. Get your life back in order.
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