Not on same page financially - Talk About Marriage
Financial Problems in Marriage When financial times are tough, it adds to the stress we deal with on a daily basis. This section is for talking about how financial problems affect our relationships and ways to cope.

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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-06-2015, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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Not on same page financially

I'll admit, I'm bitter. As I said in another thread, I have been pretty successful this year at work. I'm constantly trying to improve myself and working on a few things for next year. I finished a project that paid me a large sum of money. With this, I had to pay things my husband caused. I don't want to go into details as it might reveal who I am, but I paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to remedy something that my name was attached to. However, my poor financial planning wasn't the issue. It was his. He recently started his own business and has been working very hard, but prior to that, he never really had a job that would support us should I lose mine. I've been with my company a long time and it's part of the reason I got such a great opportunity and paid what I did. This is making me bitter beyond belief. I repaired his credit and now our scores are outstanding. I have a little left in savings, but should have almost $15,000 to $20,000. I don't because of the financial mishap he caused. He always has to have the expensive cars. Told me he'd sell his toy to recoup some of the money, but has not. There are other issues, but this is huge for me. I feel like I'm having to take care of him. I'd like to be taken care of for once. Am I being unrealistic?

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-06-2015, 01:33 AM
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Re: Not on same page financially

He sounds like a nightmare to live with. Does he actually bring in any money at all?

How is he able to afford the expensive cars on just his income?

I would have a serious talk with him about the spending and tell him you are ready to leave him over it.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-06-2015, 04:11 AM
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Re: Not on same page financially

If he's irresponsible, simply keep finances separate, don't add your name to anything he's involved in, and tell him from now on he sinks or swims on his own.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-06-2015, 05:53 PM
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Re: Not on same page financially

Quote:
Originally Posted by lessonslearned15 View Post
I'll admit, I'm bitter. As I said in another thread, I have been pretty successful this year at work. I'm constantly trying to improve myself and working on a few things for next year. I finished a project that paid me a large sum of money. With this, I had to pay things my husband caused. I don't want to go into details as it might reveal who I am, but I paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to remedy something that my name was attached to. However, my poor financial planning wasn't the issue. It was his. He recently started his own business and has been working very hard, but prior to that, he never really had a job that would support us should I lose mine. I've been with my company a long time and it's part of the reason I got such a great opportunity and paid what I did. This is making me bitter beyond belief. I repaired his credit and now our scores are outstanding. I have a little left in savings, but should have almost $15,000 to $20,000. I don't because of the financial mishap he caused. He always has to have the expensive cars. Told me he'd sell his toy to recoup some of the money, but has not. There are other issues, but this is huge for me. I feel like I'm having to take care of him. I'd like to be taken care of for once. Am I being unrealistic?

Before I got married to Mrs.CuddleBug, I already planned our finances.

- both have our own bank accounts (joint spousal)
- our own credit cards (joint spousal)
- my line of credit (she has full access)
- our own cars (BCAA Premier for both)
- our own cells
- our own computers

We both pay our share of the monthly bills equally, based on our incomes.

We both can see all each others finances, including all accounts with passwords at all times.

I make sure our bills are paid early each month. Mrs.CuddleBug works in an office environment so I do the bills. But she likes to do our income tax returns, so that now is her thing.

Mrs.CuddleBug is the frugal one, were as I am more the spender, but always to save us money in the long term. Long term investing, paying off debts, upgrades, etc.

Mrs.CuddleBug still tells me what she buys and for how much. I tell her, don't worry about it because I know she is smart with her money.


My reason for doing this, is to be modern and equal and that we don't fight about money.

Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-06-2015, 07:43 PM
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Re: Not on same page financially

I have helped my wife out of thousands of $ of debt and supported her for 15 years. She resents me for it.

I have pushed myself to achieve she has had the same level of job for 10 years and has turned down opertunities to move up because she is happy doing what she does and doesn't want any more responsability.

She makes cakes as a side job but forgets that I pay for the electricity and shopping so ingeredience and fuel are free for her. She then uses this side job as a reason why she can't keep up with her chores. I would rather just pay her to do the chores to be honest!

These type of people are users, not deliberately but we are guilty of conditioning them into being users.

Last edited by MaybeItsMe?; 12-06-2015 at 07:49 PM.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-08-2015, 09:03 AM
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Re: Not on same page financially

Are you being unrealistic? Here's the tough answer, probably. Don't compare your spouse to your ideal image of a spouse or other people you admire. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the average American adult isn't a better money manager, your spouse just isn't apart of this average. Here's the real question you should ask yourself: If your financial actions stabilizes your financial household, do you really have great financial issues or is this simply a problem of your spouse not meeting up to your ideals? And if he doesn't meet these ideals, will you stay if he doesn't improve? If you plan on staying in this marriage, you may have to willing to live with the fact that you will always be the better money manager.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-09-2015, 04:49 PM
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Re: Not on same page financially

Your call OP, you can remain bitter and wish that he changes OR accept that this is the person you chose to marry. I'm guessing you probably knew what kind of finance manager he was and you chose to marry anyways.

Something to think about: As far as being taken care of...Did he EVER take care of you, or was this always just a wish? Is this the type of person that you attract because this is what you are comfortable with? Was your Dad this way also? Were you asked to be the parent at a young age and now you want to be the child that you couldn't be?
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-09-2015, 05:21 PM
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Re: Not on same page financially

He's selfish, financially irresponsible, and apparently lazy.

You married right into it.

It won't get better and if you divorce him down the line you'll be supporting him for years afterwards, via court order.

Is this what you want? Every day the hole gets bigger.
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