Re: Money lies and owning a business tearing us apart
Here are really my issues, I feel like I am lost at this point, It is do or die time. I cant keep having broken promises and we have been down that road before, with him saying he will do anything and just doesnt want to lose me. About 7 months ago, we had a little mess up with the birth control method, and then decided, well maybe we should see what happens, well "see what happens" turned into what I thought was both of us being ready to start a family, but my body wasnt and after all that time, nothing. Which I know is very normal. But now its not even a possibility, I am the only one with healthcare, with reportable income, with the mortgage, the only one who has credit cards, etc etc. I would have to go back to work AS SOON AS the baby was born, and I cant do that, plus that was never the plan. The plan was to "save money" and get HIM out of debt so that we could live comfortably for a little while and perhaps I could work from home a couple of days per week. Well, two years ago I had no choice but to get myself out of debt, it was our only chance of ever having a prayer to get a house
I went on a letter writing campaign to everyone I had a debt with, I wrote that I was willing to settle for X amount on the dollar to in turn have the debt completely ERASED from my report, then... I waited. It took months sometimes to hera back, sometimes they would counter, some of them refused, some of them took the deal, and so this went on until finally, I owed NO ONE any money aside from my car loan, a student loan which is deferred and my very small credit cards which I use, and payoff COMPLETELY every month.
I took my 401K and diversified it to make more money in a short period of time, I save and saved and saved, even when my paycheck took a hit, but heres the catch: In all that time, I never reduced the amount I was putting toward the household bills. My husband now tells me HE got me out of debt and the reaosn he is in debt is due to that, and that the only reason I had a 401K to buy a house is ibecause he covered what I couldnt while I was trying to put that money away.
I gave him that letter I have used, he has never sent it out, I think he just hides from bill collectors and I have not the slightest idea what his debt really is. Last year apparently he owed someone money that I did not know about and ended up having a sheriff at our door with basically a letter which gave them the right to start taking our personal belongings if the debt wasnt paid, and fast. There was a form we needed to fill out and it asked for MY (wifes) 401K and savings account information (the amounts in the accounts) and what jewelry I had, and I just about lost it, why should I have to go through this?? My 401K should not be some guys business, not the sheriffs department, I felt completely betrayed the person who had done this to me was in fact my own spouse! Needless to say the debt was paid before it got worse, but again I had to take a personal loan to be able to pay the bills while he was paying this debt. Also last year I realized there were letters coming in frequently from his auto-finance bank. I called them which I had never done before, and gave them his informaiton and said what is going on? Well, come to find out, they were on the verge of coming to look for the car, the car I have to drive because I bought him a work vehicle. He said he didnt want to worry me. Isnt a marriage the good the bad and the ugly? Why is the person I love afraid to tell me things I need to know, to just talk to me and to trust me, yes I still would have been mad, because um hello! If you havent been paying the car paymnent, wheres the money??? But at that point, I was betrayed, left with some customer service rep in India telling me in very broken english that my husband was not only chronically late, but now two months behind.
And now the events of Monday, I find out he doesnt have enough to pay his employees on Friday, and he said to me "if you dont want to help me, well then thats your choice." WHAT??? Do I even have choices anymore? I feel like a dairy cow just being milked away and then sent back to the yard to graze around until I am needed again. wth???? How did it come to this? How am I the only fiscally responsible person in this marriage? And now, its like we have a house, together! Wouldnt that be all the more motivation to get it together and work as hard as he can? We are young! This is the time to be exhausting ourselves, working so hard now so we dont have to later! I am in school at night and work all day, what else can I do?