Re: Joint checking for my pay, her own checking for her pay
In this scenario, you set up your own account, and deposit your pay there. You ask your wife to show you her paycheck, and you agree on how much you each divert from your pay into the joint account to pay all joint bills. Neither of you touch the joint account other than to pay bills. If she violates that, don't deposit any of your pay into the joint account, but pay your bills and let her pay her own - assign her other bills to pay that balance things out, and if she does not pay them, let her suffer the consequences (if necessary, put those bills in her name and not yours - I suggest utilities, which usually won't kill you if the power or water or cable are turned off).
You'll have to file taxes within a few months. If you file jointly, at least then you'll have to see her W2. You need to hope she's having enough withheld for taxes, or you may have a big surprise when taxes are due! I have to wonder about a marriage that isn't a partnership, and where one person is financially manipulative and dishonest.
Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.