Originally Posted by always_hopefull View Post
...It appears to me as manipulation because you seem to be treating her as a subordinate, not an equal. You make all these plans and demands, expecting her to be supportive, but have no voice. ....You cannot be a parent to a spouse, a marriage has to be a partnership, IMHO.
Let's turn that around -- what if the problem is that I have been treating her as an equal for too long, including let her do her own thing, only to damage our finances? Someone needs to take the lead, including making hard decisions, and if she is not going to do it, then it needs to be me. I am not leaving her out. I am not being a dictator. I am not saying that it has to be my way or else. I am not demanding that she support me or show her support... but I need to see it.
Today is the day that I make out the meal plan for the week, as well as make a grocery list. Today she was ready for me, had two recipes that she wanted as meals this week. We talked about items that needed to be on the grocery list, decided on which would be bought today. She knows exactly how much money that is available from the paycheck I received last Friday, after bills are paid, until I get paid again in the middle of the month (not much). After two weeks, my actions are starting to work. She is beginning to cooperate, work with me, and she is starting to see the bigger picture.
Does that sound like manipulation? Seems to me like maybe I am doing what needs to be done, taking the lead, actually doing something right.
We do have a long, long way to go. Honestly, I don't really want to be married to her because she really does require a lot of patience, as well as our physical relationship being so damaged that it seems hopeless. But I made a vow, we have a child in college who needs us financially as well -- and I know full well what a divorce will do to my finances, and I also know that I will lose her family in a divorce.
And with all due respect, please lay off the EA remarks. It does not exist and is not even remotely a factor. I do have a strong need for affection and tenderness, but I know full well that I am not going to find that with anyone while I am still married.. and I am not going to try.