I feel abused, husband feels I was stealing.
So, I guess it's my turn to ask for 3rd party opinion on my family situation.
I live in Canada, and English is not my first language. Sorry for possible omissions or broken language.
10 years ago I came here as independent professional. It's important point which means I was not sponsored by my soon to be ex husband or owe him my citizenship.
7 years ago I met my ex, we fell in love and moved in fast. I just had quit my job preparing to spend two years on graduate studies at local university, that I had a grant from the Government for.
Shortly after moving in I found myself pregnant. We both decided to keep the pregnancy. Husband worked full time on the top managerial position, made around 100K/year. because of the pregnancy I changed my graduate program to another short term program to keep part of the grant. It was very small assistance - just 1000/months, enough to pay my personal bills and provide for my kids from previous marriage.
When it was too late to terminate the pregnancy my husband started complaining that I was not contributing enough into family budget. We set together and I showed him a breakdown of my income and expenses. He noted that I could have spent 5$ for lunch at University every day instead of $10 if I walked few blocks away to a cheaper place. I disagreed saying that $5 was not worth for 6 month pregnant woman to walk at -20C and severe wind.
Two months before our daughter was born I had to stop attending University and my grant was discontinued.
I expected my husband to provide for me, but obviously he had different opinion. He paid rent, utilities and bought groceries. However when I asked for some allowance he refused calling me and kids "a foot on his table".
So for months i was not able to buy for myself clothing, food that I wanted, feminine stuff, kids did not have any activities, I could not buy to anyone gifts etc. The Child support from the Government I spent all on kid's clothing and school expenses.
When our daughter was 5 months old I had enough of living in poverty and got a part time job. My husband immediately requested me to pay utility bills and buy groceries, which I did.
In a year I had a full time professional job, so I started paying more household bills, at the same time fully providing for myself and my kids.
My career grew steadily, I have been making more and more money. Right now I am doing pretty good.
We kept our accounts separately from day one. It was my husband desire, because he thought I was a gold digger (an immigrant) using him as a step up. Once we tried to start a joint account to save on travelling. Ended up me contributing and him having excuses not to. Then he complained on being broke, I let him have all saved money for his business and that was end of our joint account.
We paid household expenses proportionally to our incomes (mine 30% and his 70%) but I did all the housework including his laundry, and all childcare. He never ever was up at night to our daughter, never changed a diper, never walked with the stroller.
His contract went pretty bad over few years, but he was too proud to tell me. Instead he stopped paying taxes, and Canada revenue got him. He has built almost 200K in debts, while I saved about 20K.
Last year he went back to highly paid contract and has been making twice more than me, but instead of paying debts simply avoided communication with the revenue officer.
Finally he disclosed me his debts and we set together trying to find a solution.
I offered to move to a smaller house so I could afford pay 50% of shared expenses instead of 30%, and he could save and pay his debt off.
He wanted me to pay 100% of family bills from my savings until it drains off, and then 50% of bills from my income so he could have saved more.
Maybe I would if he did not abuse me financially in the very beginning, so I rejected and moved out.
He is suing me for half of my saving, trying to attach half of his debt to me.
I wander is someone finds his requirement fair?
I believe that since I was treated as a room mate with benefits from day one, I don't have to be responsible for irresponsible husband.
However, he truly paid majority of family bills and most of travelling, so maybe I really owe him?